Dave Pack: Prophetic Mad Libs

Prophetic Mad Libs

 

The pressure to perform seems to be off the shoulders of David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God. He announced that the Kingdom of God would arrive at sunset on the first night of The Feast of Tabernacles, Friday, September 29, 2023. He down-shifted gears into maintenance mode during “The Greatest Unending Story! (Part 462)” on August 5. The entire sermon reinforced the fantasy that he is somehow right this time around. Finally. Hallelujah.

 

Does the Bible say the words he reads? YES.

 

Do the verses fit together? YES.

 

Could this eventually be God’s plan for mankind? YES.

 

Does any of that mean David C. Pack has a snowball’s chance in hell to finally nail the correct timing for the return of Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God? Absolutely NOT.

 

Why not? David C. Pack is a proven false prophet, false apostle, false teacher, and documented blaspheming liar. Such men are forever disqualified from being believed by anyone that God is using them to reveal truth to His people.

 

It looks like the Pastor General of The Restored Church of God is going to coast for the next seven weeks, which gives him plenty of opportunity to fulfill his empty threats to do whatever “if we had more time.”

 

Despite the lack of edge-of-yer-seat moments, David C. Pack reliably provides a stream of content to prove how ineffective and inept he is.

 

 

Another Hill To Die On

 

Those new to the website might be interested to hear how obsessed a "Christian minister" is with death. Not only does he frequently launch into Chicken Little Mode, foretelling the imminent fall of the world as we know it, but he is the one expert on the planet who can discern who is headed for the Lake of Fire and when.

 

He does not exclude himself from his love affair with the morose.

 

Part 462 – August 5, 2023

@ 58:40 But one thing we absolutely know, the Kingdom of God comes at the Feast and anlishally and initially lasts one year before the Day of the Lord and every year thereafter is reckoned from the Feast of Tabernacles. I that’s a hill I stand on. It’s the hill I’ll die on. I will never believe anything else.

 

That might shock new members in RCG, but veterans of six months or longer learned not to flinch when David C. Pack swears upon his own life. Having no fear of tempting God, he raises up his mortal coil to heaven and offers it as collateral to affirm how convicted he is.

 

Whether or not those were wise decisions will be revealed by David C. Pack’s arch nemesis—the clock. Nothing on earth thwarts him more than the passage of time.

 

Flashback Part 423 – February 25, 2023

@ 29:41 So, I wanna state one last time, unequivocally, and I’ll just absolutely die on this ground. This is the hill I die on. It is impossible that Abib does not close with the Day of the Lord. Impossible. It’s unbiblical.

 

Flashback Part 447 – June 6, 2023

@ 1:56:16 10-1-7-1000 is immutable. I will die on that hill. That’s the hill I die on.

 

Not satisfied with just his own demise, he ropes the brethren into self-destruction.

 

Flashback Part 448 Part 1 – June 11, 2023

@ 53:34 I don't want any lingering in the back of anybody's mind the idea that the whole thing is ten days or seven days. I wanna clear the deck that that picture is absolutely right. And this is the hill ya die on.

 

David C. Pack speaks with God's authority, holds up his right hand with his left on the Bible, and utters, "I swear to God this is correct." He knows letting his "yes be yes, and no be no" carries no weight due to a decade of "hit-and-miss" "trial-and-error" guessing.

 

Most brethren in The Restored Church of God must not realize that when their Pastor General wagers his own life for the sake of his latest theory, he is taking the Lord's name in vain. David C. Pack breaks the Third Commandment in the presence of the entire church and does it so frequently it is obvious his conscience is not pricked. The hot iron of his desperate arrogance must have singed away the nerve endings of his spiritual heart.

 

How can I possibly think this? He does it so regularly that he and the Headquarters hirelings must be perfectly comfortable with it. Otherwise, he would do it once and repent. Try compartmentalizing that one, Brad.

 

Flashback Part 389 – August 24, 2022

@ 50:46 The three Kingdom picture anchored around Trumpets is immutable. I would die before I would give up that truth. There is no question the Prophetic Kingdom Solar System that we have built is right.

 

Flashback Part 421 – February 18, 2023

@ 59:41 But it cannot change the duration of the month. I will die before I believe otherwise. I believe it as an article of faith as surely as I believe the Millennium.

 

Flashback Part 383 – July 23, 2022

@ 57:40 Subtract 1290 from 1335. What do you get? I'll tell you what you get. You get the length of the First Kingdom of God. And the answer is 45 days. It’s math. It’s inarguable. I’d go to my grave saying there’s no way to change that.

 

David C. Pack's swearing upon his death for theories he no longer believes is well-documented. Those statements expose the man’s character. You can see there is no fear of God before his eyes because he continually proves it. By his fruits, you can know him.

 

 

My Job

 

Part 462 – August 5, 2023

@ 15:54 My job is to absolutely lock down when the Kingdom of God (the Acceptable Year) comes. You could say, “Well, what if it isn’t this year?” Well, then, it isn’t this year. But you will wait till the next year. And that’s my job to explain. Of course, it is this year.

 

David C. Pack strongly disagreed one year ago.

 

Flashback Part 389 – August 24, 2022

@ 53:47 But it’s not my job to say it is this year. My job is to eliminate the Mystery of God and let God pick His year. Speaking personally at the very end, you now know this has to be the end of the Series. No possible way to go on. There’s no time…I couldn’t abide the discomfort of having to stand up and declare the year. It’s not my job. My job is to tell you what’s gonna happen.

 

David C. Pack has a less-than-impressive job résumé. His proven track record for success does not chart well alongside his perceived advancement trajectory. He spins how much the church has advanced in knowledge and understanding while reality is a picture of stagnation and decline.

 

David C. Pack hired himself for a job that did not exist, and nobody requested. He saw an empty imagined position, applied for it himself, hired himself, continually assured himself how fantastic his performance had been, created his own employment security, comforted himself with aspirations of further authoritarian advancement, and delighted at promises of future benefits with the world’s greatest retirement package.

 

The biggest problem with his self-proclaimed commission as the only living apostle and Elijah That Prophet is that his position is not real.

 

Part 462 is not David C. Pack’s best example of drama or outlandishness. It would be a stretch to even call it “interesting” from a prophetic malarkey perspective. What it does have is notable examples of Dave being Dave.

 

“The Greatest Unending Story” Series is not so much an unveiling of mysteries from God just before Jesus Christ returns as it is an unraveling of David C. Pack’s mental state as he publicly descends further toward a psychotic break when two points inevitably intersect.

 

The day David C. Pack’s religiously-fueled malignant narcissism hits the stone wall of reality when he comes to understand God is not the source of his presumptuous preaching, the man's psyche will crack louder than a glacier. We cannot fully comprehend the moment of terror he will face.

 

Until then, we will suffer through the Pastor General of The Restored Church of God telling everyone what his job is or is not based upon whatever neurons are firing through his head in that moment. These flashbacks illustrate that even David C. Pack is unclear as to what his job really is.

 

Flashback Part 440 – May 3, 2023

@ 38:53 I’m not setting dates anymore. I’m just not doing it. It’s not the thing I sh–I’m here to do. My job is to explain what’s gonna happen.

 

Flashback Part 447 – June 6, 2023

@1:58:19 I’m not here to tell you the date. My job is to end the Mystery of God.

 

Flashback Part 437 – April 24. 2023

@ 1:14:12 I’ve come to see my charge as not either to set the day of Christ’s coming or when the Kingdom of God comes soon after or even the year that it would happen. It is to explain the Mystery of God, including the Kingdom to Israel.

 

Flashback Part 407 – November 30, 2022

@ 37:56 My job at the very end…is to end the Mystery of God. And put everything in its right place.

 

Flashback Part 450 Part 1 – June 13, 2023

@ 11:37 I prepared the way. My job was to prepare the way.

 

Flashback Part 454 – June 17, 2023

@ 53:46 I’m gonna destroy it and leave it shattered. Sorta like my job was to make sure you understand who the Sixth King is [Mr. Vladimir Putin]. And you cannot believe it's anybody else. Or I failed. And the burden's on me, and I take that burden.

 

The burden of failure is only felt when wrapped in accountability. No one in The Restored Church of God or anywhere else on this little blue dot holds David C. Pack accountable.

 

Flashback Part 458 – July 8, 2023

@ 1:14:00 So, that is over…My job is done.

 

If you think the idea of David C. Pack inventing his own perpetual employment security was a joke, read this one slowly.

 

Part 451 Part 1 – June 14, 2023

@ 09:33 My job is to lay out the best possible case for things we’re uncertain of. And each time a major wave of understanding will come, I need to go back and revisit it.

 

This quote encapsulates the Unending Series, perfectly illustrating why David C. Pack and The Restored Church of God are doomed to persist despite the burden of a 100% failure rate. Until the center falls apart, the brethren will rebreathe the same air, re-drink the same water, retread the same steps, and retake the same notes.

 

It has been David C. Pack’s job to keep the sermon machine going until the money runs out.

 

 

Prophetic Mad Libs

 

According to Wikipedia, the popular word game Mad Libs was created in 1953 by Leonard Stern and Daniel Price.

 

This was a hit when I was a kid, and I remember fun times with friends when we got our hands on a new book to play around with. Mad Libs is a book series of one-page stories with keywords missing so children could pick them randomly.

 

One friend asks for a noun, verb, or adjective without context, and you give a slipshod answer. Once the blanks were filled, you would read the story aloud together. I distinctly remember some stories too hilarious to get through without crying with laughter. That is what made it fun.

 

What made the word game addictive to a fourth grader was using “dirty words” to corrupt the otherwise innocent stories. Two of my favorite verbs were “humping” and “farting,” while nouns like “boobies” and “wiener” made sure we had plenty of erasers on hand while one kid kept a lookout for inquisitive parents. The last thing in the world you wanted was for your mother to discover a not-so-well-erased Mad Libs page where she could read what you last wrote.

 

David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God unintentionally created his own version of Mad Libs during Part 462. Rather than being funny, it was further sad proof of his deterioration when he begins four different ideas within 48 seconds and does not finish a single one. Four begin, and none end.

 

He interrupts himself, interrupts himself again, then interrupts himself some more, and finally interrupts himself to the point he forgets where he started.

 

The video clip has the bonus “the hill I’ll die on” moment at the start.

Part 462 – August 5, 2023

@ 59:01 I didn’t realize (and a lot of ministers who heard my sermon about fearing God and gathering at the Feast ((‘cause remember, God says over and over, you know, what what the the “the Last Days of Israel are until Shiloh come and to Him shall the people be gathered.” That’s what it says in in uh uh Genesis 49. They’re gonna He’s gonna gather them at the Feast and give’em (((Unbelievable. I wondered, and I wondered would God give people a one-day moed party outta the gate? And the answer’s no. He’s gonna give them eight days. Not even seven. Eight. And they’ll go away and even He. ((((People are people.)))) Still, only one-third will be gold and silver by the Day of the Lord.

 

If you have problems following this transcript, please listen to the clip. He did say this.

 

Dave played Mad Libs with the brethren, leaving it up to the audience to fill in his blanks. By the time Dave got to the gold and silver, he completely forgot what he was saying and moved on. Feel free to place your own noun, verb, or adjective. Because we are now adults, please avoid using boobies and farting as answers.

 

•  I didn’t realize ____________.

•  And a lot of the ministers who heard my sermon about fearing God and gathering at the Feast ____________.

•  They’re gonna He’s gonna gather them at the Feast and give’em ____________.

•  And they’ll go away and even He ____________.

 

We will have to spend the rest of our sorry days wondering what Dave didn't realize. There is no eraser in the world large enough to remove the empty ideas of David C. Pack and undo the damage he has done to people.

 

Here is the RCG-themed Mad Lib that is true but not funny.

 

David C. Pack is a false prophet whom God is not working with. He will never be right about the timing of the return of Jesus Christ. He is surrounded by loyal hirelings who care not for the sheep and ignore their Bibles. Giving him money gives him the power to keep lying to the brethren. Only by members seeing who and what he is can they make wise decisions about what is going on there and take action.

Marc Cebrian

See: Prophetic Mad Libs

Crackpot Prophet Says You Will Die In Worse Fires Than What Happened In Hawaii Unless You Join His Cult

The world has watched the devastating fires in the past few days that happened in Hawaii. Never let a world disaster or weather event go by without a COG leader using it for their own manipulative advantage.

The Great Bwana Bob Muzungu to Africa and 100 Caucasians says that if you do not heed his call and join his church you are doomed to die in more destructive fires to come because you will be a Laodicean who will now know when it is time to flee.

Most Laodiceans believe that they will see the signs and heed the call to flee when it is time. Yet, according to other passages in scripture, such as Revelation 12:17, they will not. 

 

Unlike those in Maui, scripture says that God’s people should NOT wait until the last minute to flee. 

 

If you are not truly supporting the Philadelphian work at this time, do not deceive yourself that you will know when it is time to flee–Jesus only promised that to the Philadelphians in Revelation 3:7-13.

Later he says:

Why have I written that Zephaniah 2:1-3 has to do with Philadelphian Christians? 

 

For they are the only ones who will actually ‘gather together’ as they should. 

 

Why? 

 

Because it is they who will lead the final phase of the work and it is only to the Philadelphians that Jesus promises to protect from the coming hour of trial, also referred to as the Great Tribulation and the Day of the Lord

Then this:

If you are not with the group that is leading the final phase of the workwill you not see that you will not be able to flee if you wait until the last moment? While that may be remotely possible for some, remember that God inspired Zephaniah to admonish God’s people to ‘gather together…before the decree is issued.’ 

 

Most will discount this and many will scoff. Most COGs do not have anyone considered to be a prophet, and in those other than the CCOG who claim to, have prophets that have been proven to be false. But the Bible says that there will be prophets in the last days and that God does communicate with them in dreams.

Never fear though, the Great Bwana Bob Mzungu has them in his prayers!

My prayers are with those affected by the fires. 

 

As far as fires go, the Continuing Church of God has the following video related to weather and fires on our Bible News ProphecyYouTube channel: 

 

Fires and the Wrath of God

Fires have hit many places; Significant wildfires have hit California. Shortly after the start of the Thomas Fire, then California Governor Jerry Brown warned that the US President did not have “the fear of the wrath of God.” Does God use fire to encourage people to change? What are some of the scriptures associated with fire in the Bible? What is sin? What are some of the scriptures associated with the wrath of God in the New Testament? Is Governor Brown being hypocritical here? What happened to Sodom and Gomorrah? Is this relevant now? What did Jesus teach about the time of Sodom and the coming time of troubles? Dr. Thiel addresses these issues and more.

Did You Know That The Church of God Had The Sole Chain of Custody Of The New Testament?

 

One thing that the Armstrongist movement has always been good at is rewriting church history to fit its own narrative of how it is supposed to be. No one in the entire history of Christianity ever understood the history of the church and the Bible until Armstrong and his all-knowing minions hit the scene. Much of that so-called knowledge was a hodgepodge of church history and made-up beliefs that only Armstrongism could produce through the likes of Gerald Waterhouse, Dean Blackwell, Herman Hoeh, Raymond McNair, and a few others that set themselves up as authorities.

Who can forget the complete and utter failure of Herman Hoeh's Compendium of World History? Two columns of supposed history that was so appallingly bad and inaccurate that even Hoeh come out eventually and said it was wrong. Even Hoeh's A TRUE History of the TRUE CHURCH was found to be so full of errors that it was withdrawn and rewritten later as a still appallingly bad work of half fiction.

Never one to learn a lesson from the past, our Great Bwana to Africa and 100 Caucasians, the world's foremost historian and theologian, the highly esteemed and doubly blessed Robert Mzungu Thiel has made another bold statement about church history that is so far off the wall that one can only laugh at his sheer stupidity.

Most do not realize that the Church of God had the ‘chain of custody’ of the New Testament

Just this one sentence of his article is so wrong that it is laughable, especially considering how the churrrent Church of God movement has so little to do with so many books of the New Testament and particularly when it deals with the New Covenant. None is worse about that in COGland than Robert Mzungu Thiel. 

He along with others in COGland believes that their lineage goes all the way back through the apostles to the feet of Jesus and then back to Moses and Abraham. The Great Bwana Bob Mzungu though claims his direct line of apostolic privilege goes directly back to the early apostles. That very same lineage means that he, the end-time prophet of God, the all-knowing one of Bible interpretation and scripture, is the sole possessor of truth established in the New Testament (a book which he incidentally refuses to follow).

As usual, he has to slam the Catholics for usurping his claims, the very people who are his first source to go to about anything.

The Catholic Encyclopedia article on the New Testament asserts the following:

The idea of a complete and clear-cut canon of the New Testament existing from the beginning, that is from Apostolic times, has no foundation in history. (Reid G. Canon of the New Testament. The Catholic Encyclopedia. Vol. 3., 1908) 

 

The above is only true if one considers that the Vatican has always represented the true Christian church. 

 

If, however, one believes the Bible and considers the fact that the Church of Rome was not dominating all of Christendom in the first and second centuries—which their own scholars recognize (Duffy E. Saints & Sinners: A History of the Popes. Yale University Press, New Haven, CT, 2002, pp.2,6; Sullivan F.A. From Apostles to Bishops: the development of the episcopacy in the early church. Newman Press, Mahwah, NJ, 2001, pp. 13-15,147)— then the idea that the true Christians’ Church knew the books from the beginning does have a foundation. 

 

Yet, contemporary Protestant scholars often take the Roman Catholic view:

The canon of the NT, as commonly received at present, was ratified by the third council of Carthage (A.D. 397.) (Unger M. The New Unger’s Bible Dictionary. Moody Press, 2009, p. 204)

Any real historian of Church history knows for a fact that scriptures were in use from the time of the Apostles until they were canonized. Part of the reason they were canonized is that so many pseudoChristian cults had introduced all kinds of heretical and nonsensical books into 'sacred" use that they needed to be weeded out.

All of this also plays into the Church of God myth that the church and God's word were lost for 1,900 years till Herbert Armstrong rediscovered it in an Oregon library during a 6-month study of the Bible.

He then created his own version of a timeline for scripture used in the church ending of course, with himself. Note: his website has a longer version of this supposed line of custody.

The Great Bwana Mzungu Thiel then concludes:

There are basic two views of the canon. While the last column reflects, to a significant degree, the major scholastic view today, the first column hopefully provides enough scriptural and historical information to show the honest inquirer that, yes, the Church of God had the canon from the beginning.

The entire span of Christianity has had the exact same books in use for over 1,900 years. There is nothing that Armstrongism or the Church of God movement ever preserved that wasn't already preserved and well known. 

The true chain of custody for the Church of God has continued to hold the same books of the canon of scripture to this day.

Because the Greco-Roman churches often included certain books they dropped and did not include others which they added, that would not be considered an unbroken chain of custody.

Although Jesus taught that His church would be a “little flock” (Luke 12:32), most scholars ignore that and accept that the Greco-Romans (and later the Protestants) represent Christianity as a whole. So, they have tended to teach the Greco-Roman view as fact.

Most have overlooked the true chain of custody. Part of the reason is that many aspects of church history have been misunderstood.

Deleted was the comment to write in for his booklet that "proves" the improperly named "continuing" Church of a lesser god are the modern-day descendants of the preservers of the Word.