That crafty, fork-tongued abomination of a serpent is throwing yet another epic tantrum, zeroing in on the unparalleled, godlike genius that is the Supreme Overseer, the Great Bwana Bob Mzungu Thiel. Can you even fathom the depths of Satan's soul-crushing jealousy over Bwana Bob's utterly revolutionary drivel—er, I mean, literature—spewed forth in literally hundreds of tongues, complemented by the most hyper-mega-ultra-superfantabulous websites ever half-baked by any ragtag Church of God splinter group? Satan's pathetic posse of shadowy Google gremlins sicced a swarm of digital demons to wreak absolute, laughably amateur havoc on the Great Bwana's oh-so-impregnable online fortress. Heaven forbid the masses miss out on the Great Bwana's brain-melting masterpieces—scribbles so staggeringly, coma-inducingly brilliant that Old Satan himself had to drop everything and DDoS the servers in a fit of infernal rage.
As us puny humans have oh-so-heroically evolved our pitiful computer smarts, poor Satan—bless his blackened heart—has been dragged kicking and screaming into inventing brand-new, convoluted plots to pester the church. No doubt he's got this gargantuan, brimstone-belching server farm humming away, cackling maniacally as it torpedoes COG tech and churns out AI hallucinations of perpetual doom. Personally, I'd peg him as a die-hard "pen and parchment" purist, but hey, if he's gone digital, it's surely just to snoop through your browser history for some premium blackmail fodder.
But wait, there's more infernal innovation! Satan's got bio-engineered nano-devils swimming through fiber-optic cables, sabotaging COG servers with precision strikes that make the CIA look like toddlers with crayons. He's even time-traveled (because why not?) to retroactively invent the blue screen of death just to foreshadow his assaults on Thiel's throne of theological triumph.
Satan Servants Again Strike!
In the past week we have had to endure physical as well as software hacks.
These hacks cost time and money, as well as discourage people from viewing our materials.
A ‘google bot’ hack on Tuesday greatly slowed down viewers’ abilities to access information on our websites. People were often delayed, sometimes so much as to get timed out and not able to view information.
We asked our man in Portugal to assist on Tuesday related to the bot slow down, as well as had a hardware/software man help recover from a series of costly hacks this week.
So, we have been working on these matters, as well as taking steps to try to further protect our websites from being hacked.
The Apostle Paul was inspired to write:
12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)
Satan does not want Matthew 24:14 to be fulfilled as that is an important sign of the end, which will lead to the countdown of his end.
Remember:
We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God. (Acts 14:22-23)
Since Satan is the “the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience” (Ephesians 2:2), he has directly or indirectly, various of the disobedient in his service to attack our websites.
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