Here we go again. Another so-called “pagan” holiday has barely passed, and the next one is mere hours away—cue our favorite crackpot prophet working himself into a frothy lather. With evil demonic entities supposedly lurking behind every lamppost, this poor soul manages to spot satanic symbolism in absolutely everything around him. Apparently, we’re all being tempted to sin—though, let’s be honest, he seems far more temptable than the rest of us.
This time, he nearly popped a blood vessel when he discovered that—gasp!—certain Muslim clerics also disapprove of New Year’s Eve and Day.
A while back, Turkey’s top religious authority, Mehmet Görmez, publicly condemned both Christmas and New Year’s as pagan:
“Christmas and New Year celebrations are events where both pagan rituals and capitalist drives are intertwined,” the head of Turkey’s Religious Affairs Directorate said in a statement.“What I will most object to as the religious affairs head is the Christmas consumer economy that causes cultural and identity-related erosion in children,” he added.“I see mass parties and celebrations similar to a form of revenge people take on the time phenomenon,” Görmez continued. “Especially [celebrating] with drinking, gambling and lotteries… it is impossible to approve of such things.”
So, a non-Christian scholar politely suggests that wild New Year’s parties are morally dubious and that Christmas marketing isn’t great for kids. And suddenly this is supposed to matter to Christians? Since when do Bible-thumping fundamentalists give a flying rat’s ass what an Islamic cleric thinks?
Undeterred, our fearless prophet presses on:
“January 1st is not a biblical holiday, and even the Church of Rome has forbidden some of its attributes as demonic.”
Oh noes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He then launches into a lurid description of the drunken debauchery that allegedly erupts in motels, hotels, and office parties on New Year’s Eve—which, funnily enough, sounds remarkably similar to the scandalous stories we’ve heard about certain Feast of Tabernacles gatherings in the old Armstrong movement. Not to mention the “singles mixers” that somehow turned into full-blown sex parties at nearly every feast site. Truly, Armstrongism was every bit as “pagan” as the holidays it loved to condemn.
Real Christians, he insists, should never participate in pagan holidays—especially those involving drunken revelry. And doesn’t the observance of New Year’s Day lead to blasphemy among the Gentiles (or at least some Muslims) because so many who profess Christ keep it? This must never be!
So, naturally, he quotes his handy Muslim preacher yet again to justify his seething hatred of New Year’s. Brilliant strategy.
In honor of the esteemed Bwana Bob, I’ll be blowing an extra-loud toot on my party horn and pouring myself an extra-generous glass of champagne this year. Cheers!
He then launches into a lurid description of the drunken debauchery that allegedly erupts in motels, hotels, and office parties on New Year’s Eve—which, funnily enough, sounds remarkably similar to the scandalous stories we’ve heard about certain Feast of Tabernacles gatherings in the old Armstrong movement. Not to mention the “singles mixers” that somehow turned into full-blown sex parties at nearly every feast site. Truly, Armstrongism was every bit as “pagan” as the holidays it loved to condemn.
Real Christians, he insists, should never participate in pagan holidays—especially those involving drunken revelry. And doesn’t the observance of New Year’s Day lead to blasphemy among the Gentiles (or at least some Muslims) because so many who profess Christ keep it? This must never be!
So, naturally, he quotes his handy Muslim preacher yet again to justify his seething hatred of New Year’s. Brilliant strategy.
In honor of the esteemed Bwana Bob, I’ll be blowing an extra-loud toot on my party horn and pouring myself an extra-generous glass of champagne this year. Cheers!
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