Will You Obey God And Give Money To Buy The Auditorium Or Will You Spit In His Face?

This Auditorium saga just keeps getting weirder by the nanosecond!

Now our boy Samuel has apparently upgraded himself to Modern-Day Joshua Vr 3.0—you know, the guy through whom God is obviously continuing His Very Important Work. Poor Bob Thiel must be absolutely seething right now. After all, he’s spent years insisting that he and he alone is the One True Joshua of our time. But hey, this is the Church of God we're talking about—there's always room for multiple self-appointed Joshuas. And let's be real: there will always be enough gullible souls to mail in their checks for whichever version is currently shouting the loudest.

Joshua Samuel is now solemnly informing the brethren that if you don't cough up your resources, you're straight-up robbing God (shocker). Not only that, but you're now personally eligible for the deluxe curses-and-blessings combo package. And just to make sure the fear is properly dialed up before Passover: if you don't give, you're taking the Passover unworthily, which apparently triggers a separate, extra-spicy curse layered right on top of the first one. Double jeopardy, Church of God style.

With Passover barreling toward us like a freight train full of guilt, we're clearly supposed to picture Joshua Samuel leading the chosen few into the Promised Land—like Joshua of old right after Moses had his own little wilderness tantrum that somehow ticked God off (classic COG sequel plot). He's here to guide the faithful remnant to the sacred House of God, where they will bask in everlasting bliss… until, naturally, the Germans roll up, gaze upon its magnificence, decide it's too pretty to bomb, and promptly convert it into their new U.S. invasion headquarters. (And before you think I'm making that last part up—nah, that was a straight-faced, decades-long Pasadena campus urban legend in certain COG circles. Never change, brethren.)

So this Passover season is going to be a real test, dear brethren. A double test, actually, if you happen to be one of the stingy ones who didn't send in your “tithe to avoid extra curses” payment. Fail to give, and congratulations—you’ve just RSVP’d to the End-Time Plagues VIP section, where one-third of humanity gets to enjoy the festivities firsthand.

The choice is crystal clear:

Are you going to obey God…

Or are you going to spit in His face?

Tick tock. Your offering envelopes had better still be open.

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Joshua Samuel writes (unedited):

This is saying, in order to receive God’s protection here is your test.

Now is laid upon you blessings or cursings.

If you receive cursings, you have not sent God’s tithes and offerings in.

God’s blessing is with obeying Him!

Not disobeying Him!

I am announcing to you God’s will.

It’s up to you whether you will surrender to Jesus Christ or not!

And also if you go and take the Passover “unworthily” not properly discerning the Lord’s Body, you have another curse upon your head. This is about where God is working and through whom.

The Passover and Unleavened bread season for the children of Israel, after the forty years in the wilderness, was about establishing Joshua as the new leader. Through whom God continued to work though as with Moses.

This season will test you. Will you reap blessings or curses?

This too reflects the children of Israel when Moses came back to Egypt after 40 years, and they had to decide to Obey God or suffer the curses of God aka the plagues. Those who obeyed God made it through and was spared and delivered from the hand of Pharaoh, which pictures Satan the Devil the devourer. Just like Rahab in Jericho.

What will you do brethren? Will you obey God or spit at Him? You’re choice! You have been warned!

In Jesus Christ’s name,

Samuel W Kitchen