When Even Satan Needs AI to Make Bob Thiel Sound Reasonable

Bless your perpetually persecuted heart, you magnificent tinfoil prophet of the improperly named "continuing" Church of "god". You’ve done it again. You’ve taken your trademark “everyone is out to get me” energy and cranked it straight into the stratosphere, this time with the help of that big bad Artificial Intelligence that’s clearly been sent by Satan himself just to own you personally.

Now, and I have warned about this before…

Of course you have, Crackpot Bob. You warn about everything. The sky, the moon, the calendar, the Germans, the Catholics, the Protestants, and now—checks notes—the large language models of AI. Truly, no stone shall be left unturned in the Great Persecution of Crackpot Bob Thiel.

You see, dear readers, Crackpot Bob isn’t just worried that some rando might disagree with him online. No, no. Crackpot Bob has reached the final boss level of Armstrongist victimhood: soon AI will be deepfaking him so convincingly that it will make him say things he never said. Which, let’s be honest, is a brilliant plan by the Devil because who wouldn’t want to hear a robot version of Crackpot Bob droning on about how everything is a conspiracy against his tiny splinter group? The AI will probably even get the smug, self-important tone exactly right.

Imagine it: Deepfake Crackpot Bob will go on record declaring that British Israelism was a mistake, that he’s not an apostle, and that maybe—just maybe—Herbert W. Armstrong wasn’t the final Elijah. The horror! The humanity! Crackpot Bob’s fragile ego would fracture like a broken matzo. And you just know he’s lying awake at night refreshing his own YouTube comments, muttering, “They’re already doing it… the wolves… the AI wolves…”

He even tries to prop it up with Acts 20, because of course he does. Paul warned about savage wolves, and Crackpot Bob has graciously volunteered to play the role of the trembling sheep who somehow also claims to be the one true shepherd. The humility is stunning.

And yes, Crackpot Bob, we all remember those devastating incidents where “fraudsters online pretended to be you.” Truly the greatest trial since the martyrdom of the apostles. The horror of someone making a fake Facebook account in your name must keep you up at night right next to the coming Great Tribulation.

But don’t worry, folks! Even as the AI Satanic cabal plots to puppet his digital corpse into saying the wrong thing about church history or protein bars or whatever he’s obsessed with this week, Crackpot Bob has bravely scheduled a podcast interview. Quick everyone, form a prayer chain! We need the Holy Spirit to help him open his mouth boldly so he can once again explain how he alone understands prophecy while the rest of humanity (and all those other Armstrongist groups) are doomed.

Truly, Crackpot Bob is the most persecuted man in Armstrongism since… well, since the last time he posted something. Maybe even more than Gerald Flurry, and that’s saying something. At least Flurry has a fancy rock, a dance troupe and a college. Crackpot Bob just has a little store front and shelves full of snake oil herbs and a persecution complex so massive it has its own zip code and a YouTube channel.

Armstrongist deepfake paranoia is a niche but perfectly on-brand manifestation of the movement’s signature persecution complex, turbocharged by modern tech anxiety. In the splintered world of Herbert W. Armstrong’s ideological descendants—tiny churches claiming to be the one true continuation of the “Philadelphia era”—leaders like Crackpot Bob have elevated fears of AI manipulation from “possible concern” to “Satanic end-time assault on me personally.” 

This is peak self-absorption: a man with a congregation that’s mostly African and notoriously fluid in its loyalties fears that the devil himself will use AI to make robot-Bob say something heretical, causing his followers to jump ship to a better seed-and-computer supplier. The mockery writes itself: “Deepfaking an already fake prophet? Why bother?” 

This fits Thiel’s broader pattern. He positions himself as the doubly-blessed successor to Armstrong, constantly under attack by Satan, other COG splinters, bitter ex-members, and now large language models. His warnings blend legitimate general concerns about misinformation with an intensely personal “they’re coming for my utterances” angle.

Sadly, in Armstrongism, the persecution complex as core doctrine: 

Armstrongism teaches that the “true church” is always a tiny, persecuted remnant. HWA himself railed against a vast conspiracy of counterfeit Christianity. Modern leaders inherit and amplify this: every criticism is spiritual warfare. Deepfakes provide a shiny new external enemy. 

 

By preemptively discrediting any future video or audio that contradicts the leader, they create a perfect epistemic shield. 

That clip of me admitting British Israelism is nonsense? Deepfake! It’s the religious equivalent of “fake news” on steroids.

Armstrongists love mapping current events onto prophecy. AI fits neatly as a tool of the Beast, the false prophet, or general end-time deception. Satan’s minions (or just bored trolls) will use it to draw away disciples.

Deepfake scams targeting churches do exist—scammers impersonate pastors to solicit money or “blessings.” But in Armstrongism, this general risk gets hyper-personalized to the leader’s fragile authority. Gerald Flurry and others have massive persecution narratives too—Flurry’s focus is more on physical “man of sin” figures, Trump prophecies, and the “stone of destiny”—but Crackpot Bob seems to own the AI/deepfake lane. His is the most explicit, repeated tying of emerging tech to personal satanic targeting. 

The delicious irony? Armstrongist leaders have spent decades “deepfaking” Herbert W. Armstrong himself—cherry-picking, reinterpreting, and repackaging his failed prophecies while claiming unbroken continuity. Now they fear technology doing to them what they’ve done theologically to their founder.

Crackpot Bob's warnings say more about his ego than any real threat. If an AI ever does perfectly imitate him, it will probably just output endless videos about protein bars, witchdoctors, German dominance, Baron Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg, and how everyone is persecuting the greatest prophet since HWA. The robot version might even be more watchable.

In the end, Armstrongist deepfake paranoia isn’t really about AI. It’s about maintaining ironclad control in an era when information (and mockery) flows freely. When your entire identity rests on being the sole guardian of “the truth” against a hostile world, every new technology becomes another demon at the door—especially one that could make you say the quiet part out loud. Crackpot Bob will keep warning. The blogs will keep laughing. 

Stay strong, Bob. The AI is coming for you. And when it finally does make that perfect deepfake, I have one request: make sure the robot version admits that constantly warning everyone about how persecuted you are is, in fact, extremely weird. 

Even the AI will get tired of it eventually.

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Now, and I have warned about this before, please understand that the time will come when AI and other software will make more “deep fakes” of me and likely other leaders in the Continuing Church of God. Such fakes will pretend I/we have said things we have not said as well as done things that we have not done (we have had incidents where fraudsters, online, have already pretended to be me).

Remember that the Apostle Paul warned:

29 For I know this, that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock. 30 Also from among yourselves men will rise up, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after themselves. 31 Therefore watch, and remember that for three years I did not cease to warn everyone night and day with tears. (Acts 20:29-31)

And I am warning all who can hear that Satan and his minions will continue to take steps against us and I expect that AI will allow for more and more of that.

That said, let me add that next Monday I am scheduled for an interview for what may be a significant podcast. Please pray that I will speak wisely and “that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel” (Ephesians 6:19).