The Feast of Tabernacles is rapidly approaching and parents and family members are scrambling to buy gifts.
Do you have a legalist friend who is constantly preaching to you on how you are backsliding laodicean sinner because you have rejected Herb's teachings?
Are you sick of hearing how prefect they are in keeping ALL the law? Since we all know that there is not a single Armstrongite out there that keeps the law in it's entirety, you can now drive that point home with this unique gift!
Buy your friends a Feces Paddle!
Deuteronomy requires that true COG members carry a feces paddle when ever they travel. So whether you are camped in the Piney Woods of Texas, mosquito infected Lake of the Ozarks, the campgrounds on Jekyll Island or in your cave in Petra, you are required to have this tool on hand!
There is virtually NO other source world wide where you can get your very own feces paddle to carry with you. This is one of 365 individual Mosaic laws that you must keep if you are living by Law, not Grace. See Deuteronomy 23:13 on the paddle below which makes the doctrine of the feces paddle clear.This paddle is also very useful to those Christians who live by Grace alone. You can buy one of these, and give it to your Law keeping friend to show them that they have failed to keep all the law and are in risk of damnation. This may help them get out of the Slough of Despond of Law and onto the glorious road to
Liberty by faith in Christ Jesus.
Here are some people who need a feces paddle:
Seventh Day Adventists
Seventh Day Baptists
Hebrew Roots People
Yawehist Cult
Fundamental Baptists who insist on keeping "Baptist Standards"
World Wide Church of God people
Even Orthodox Jews may want to buy our feces paddle
You can buy your own Feces Paddle here: Law Keepers Feces Paddle Just think how much fun it would be to mail one of these to Spanky Meredith, Six Pack Flurry or Dennis Leap!
