Please Don't Tell Me How to Live My Faith

(Sheepeople Speak Up)

Please Don't Tell Me How to Live My Faith

I will determine how much, when and if I can tithe considering my family and personal needs...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I will participate in assembling together as my finances and need for quiet time in my live calls for...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I will attend the Festivals as able and not feel I have to spend 10% of my income as if it were merely play money in 8 short days...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I will "turn in" excess and unspent tithe if I wish to but also may need to buy groceries...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I will learn from your sermons if they contain real information from which I can benefit and grow, but won't tell you it was wonderful when it was boring...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I will look at my watch as often as I want without retribution, during your two hour sermons... Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I will notice your sermons are over even if you are not finished...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I'll attend extra Church activities IF I have time and am not exhausted from my other responsibilities or concerns...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I will agree with you about how you see any particular portion of scripture applies to me, us or them if I really agree...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I will screw up my nose and forehead as I feel I should during any bold statements you make during your sermons...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I will laugh when you didn't intend me to and be serious when you think I should be laughing as I feel fits the occasion...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I will leave services when they are over as soon as I wish or even stay after as long as I wish talking with friends...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I'll include or not include  you as Pastor in my life as I am comfortable and trusting of you and your perspectives and views...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I'll study and research whatever Biblical topics I choose to even if is not spot on with your view of the view of the organization...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I'll come to any conclusions outside of the demand to "all speak the same thing," injunctions from those over me...Don't tell me how to live my faith

I'll feel free to say, "that's your/their opinion" whenever I feel mine differs and my real life may be effected by such opinions...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I'll not push back if you don't push me/us/my family into all or nothing situations or positions...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

I promise not to tell you how to live your faith if you promise not to tell me/us how to live or express ours...or else.

I promise not to think of you as a "false minister or hireling" if you don't refer to me as a "dumb sheep"  Don't label me or tell me how to live my faith

I promise if you say such things as "And brethren, I am an Apostle," "I am that prophet," "I am the Watcher," "I am in charge," "I am God's minister," "I am one of the Two Witnesses,"  "My wife is the other witness because God works in families,"  "Send it in..." God told me," "Jesus caused..." "When God tells us to go to the place of safety," or that "Singles should bring a watermelon to the potluck,"  I will react according to that niggly little feeling in my stomach as appropriate...Don't tell me how to live my faith.

Amen

DenniscDiehl@aol.com 

A Reader Responds To Dennis

 

 

Homer said...

Stick To the Trunk of the Tree?

Through the years encouragement has been given to stick to the trunk of the tree and to avoid going out on a limb. The idea behind this has been to stick to what that trunk has to offer. If the trunk we are clinging to has all that we need to know, then maybe that is good. However, if that trunk doesn’t have everything we need or everything that is offered, then there is a void. If we are to cling to the trunk of the tree, how can we see the forest? How can we know what the forest has to offer? As the following is read, consider the trunk of the tree as the truth as we know it and the forest an expansion of truth and understanding.

By sticking to the trunk of the tree, we can't even get to all the fruit that the tree has to offer, unless it falls to the ground close to the trunk. If we wait for the fruit to fall, it may be rotten by the time we get to it. If we do eat some rotten fruit we can regurgitate it and rid ourselves of it. It isn't pleasant to "throw up" but we are better off than to leave it inside where it can putrefy and make us sick. We shouldn’t have to experience that more than once.

Sometimes we have to go out on a limb or venture away from the trunk to get to the fruit. If we venture out on a limb we may fall. If we fall, we don't float away into space. We fall to the ground. Sure, it may hurt. But we become "grounded" and we learn from the experience. But unless we venture out on the limbs of the tree or get away from the trunk we will never benefit from all the fruit that the tree has to offer or see what the forest has to offer. Should we never venture out on a limb for fruit or back away from the tree for a better view of the forest? If so, we can become very nearsighted because we are not exercising our vision.

By sticking to the trunk of the tree where we are, we only see that one tree and what it has to offer. If that tree has been infected with disease, parasites or worms, we will be affected by that infection. That problem will be removed from the tree in one-way or another. If the tree survives the problem, it will be scarred in one way or another. That is OK. Scarring indicates that healing took place. If the tree does not heal, it will die. Some trees in the forest die for various reasons. They fall to the ground and decay and return to ground. Even though a tree may die, it's base elements will return to the earth.

When a tree in the forest is cut for lumber, the logs are milled into lumber for different purposes. The parts of the trees that have been damaged are cut away and discarded. The good wood is then used to build homes, make fine pieces of furniture or fine pieces of art. All trees have something to offer to the forest and to mankind. Even if that tree provides nothing more than taking in carbon dioxide and giving off oxygen. But that of course is a very important function. Mankind can't survive without oxygen.

This doesn't mean that the trunk we are clinging to isn't a part of the forest. Nor does it mean other trees are more perfect than the one at hand. Actually, there is no perfect tree in a forest. How can we know whether or not there is another tree that also has something to offer? Another tree, or several trees, that may have "good" roots, "good" wood, or "good" fruit. Some trees offer more than others. Each individual must choose if a tree in the forest offers a root system for good growth, which wood is best for the purpose at hand, and which fruit is good to eat. That choice must be made after careful and thorough examination of the instructions given by the Maker of the forest.

Just a thought, Homer

 

Bible Translations

Phrenologist Fred Coutler has some Bible competition.   Fred reorganized the Bible according to his interpretation and Armstrongite mythology to produce one expensive Bible for $128.50.

Fred now has some stiff competition!  The LOLCat Bible is nearing complete translation!  Forget the Message Bible or that old Living Bible that you have on your bookshelf gathering dust.  This one rocks!

 

LOLCat Bible 

Genesis 3

From LOLCat Bible Translation Project

Jump to: navigation, search

Old Testament

Genesis Exodus Leviticus Numbers Deuteronomy Joshua Judges Ruth 1 Samuel 2 Samuel 1 Kings 2 Kings 1 Chronicles 2 Chronicles Ezra Nehemiah Esther Job Psalms Proverbs Ecclesiastes Song of Solomon Isaiah Jeremiah Lamentations Ezekiel Daniel Hosea Joel Amos Obadiah Jonah Micah Nahum Habakkuk Zephaniah Haggai Zechariah Malachi

Sneeky Snaik trikz Boi an Gurl

1 Sneeky snaik is sneeky. Teh snaik sed to teh gurl, "'No eat froot,' Ceiling Cat says? 'Or u die,' Ceiling Cat says?"
2 An teh gurl sed, "We can has froot.3 But we no can has froot frum teh tree in teh middl of teh gardn. Ceiling Cat sez, 'If u tuch it or nom it, ull die. So pawz off.'"
4 Teh snaik lol'd an sed, "U wont die frum froot, srsly.5 Ceiling Cat just sed dat cuz teh froot will maek u guyz smart. U guyz wud be ceiling catz, cuz u wud has morulz!
6 Teh gurl saw teh froot had a flavr, an it lookd yummy. It wud giv her sum morulz, too. So she nom-nomd teh froot. She gaev sum to teh boi, an he nom-nomd teh froot too.7 Then thay got morulz, so it didnt taek too long to figgur owt thay wuz naked. Boi an gurl maded sumfin owt of leevz to keep teh praivits praivit.8 Wen thay heerd Ceiling Cat chasin buttrfliez in teh gardn, thay jumpd in a bush to plai hide-an-seek, xcept thay hopd Ceiling Cat wud frget bout teh "seek" part. He didnt.
9 Ceiling Cat sed, "Boi? Boi?? BOI!!!"
10 Boi sed, "O hai. I heerd u ovr thare, but ai freekd owt cuz ai wuz naked, so ai hid in teh bush."
11 Ceiling Cat sed, "Wayt a minit! How did u fynd owt? U didnt nom teh bannd froot, did u?"
12 Boi said, "Rmembr teh gurl u mayd for me? Ai onli eated teh froot cuz she gaev it to me."
13 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "U did WUT?" Gurl said, "Teh snaik playd durty trik on me, an ai eated teh froot. It taystd gud, but dat not poynt."

Ceiling Cat banishiz Boi an Gurl frum teh gardn of Eden.

14 Ceiling Cat sed to teh snaik, "Cuz u did dis, ur cursd aboov all teh moocows an farm animulz!!! Ur gonna moov on yur belly forevah, cuz ai gonna taek ur legs an giv dem to teh Chinese to eat!!!! Ur gonna havta eet durt forevah!!!!!15 Im gonna maik gurlz afrayd of snaikz, an teh macho boiz will skwish u on teh hed to impress them, an u will nom thair foot. Srsly."
16 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "Ur gonna hav sum srs hurtz wen u giv birfs to yur kittehs. An frum nou on, yur hubs iz gonna rool ovr u, an u hav to do wat he sayz.
17 Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "Cuz u listnd to teh gurl insted of me, teh grownd iz cursd, an ull b wrkin ur buttz off ur hol life. An makin cheezburgers will be vry hard now.18 Ull hav to get rid of weedz to grow stufs, an ull hav to eat teh farm plantz.19 Ur gonna hafta swet leik crazee if u wantz cheezburgerz. An itll b leik dat until u die an turn bak into durt, cuz datz ware u caim frum anywai."
20 Teh boi naymd his gurl Eve cuz she wuz teh mothr of all ppl (an also cuz if he naymd her Bertha he woulda been lol'd at all da tiem).21 It wuz gettin rly awkwurd, so Ceiling Cat mayd sum clothz for dem.22 An Ceiling Cat said, "Lookie, thay iz leik us, cuz thaye has morulz! Letz do sumfin so thay wont taek teh cheezburgerz of teh tree of happee, cuz then thay wud liv forevah! Dat wud b bad."23 So Ceiling Cat kicked teh boi outta teh gardn to be a farmr. An it stinkd cuz ther wasnt no farmwurkor yooyun yet.24 Wen thay wuz owt, Ceiling Cat put sum birdkats an a rly sharp buttrnaif at teh welcom sign, so no kittehs wud get to teh tree of happee an nom teh cheezburgerz. Evah.

Song of Solomon 6

From LOLCat Bible Translation Project

Jump to: navigation, search

Old Testament

Genesis Exodus Leviticus Numbers Deuteronomy Joshua Judges Ruth 1 Samuel 2 Samuel 1 Kings 2 Kings 1 Chronicles 2 Chronicles Ezra Nehemiah Esther Job Psalms Proverbs Ecclesiastes Song of Solomon Isaiah Jeremiah Lamentations Ezekiel Daniel Hosea Joel Amos Obadiah Jonah Micah Nahum Habakkuk Zephaniah Haggai Zechariah Malachi

Contents [hide] 1 Frendz 2 Beluvd 3 Luvr 4 Friends 5 Luvr 6 Friends 7 Luvr

Frendz

1 Where iz ur luvr,
 pretti ladi?
 Which wai did he go,
 so we canz look for him?

Beluvd

2 Mai luvr wented down to teh gardin,
 where teh plantz iz growin,
 to hang around
 an pick flowrz.3 I am hiz an he iz mien;
 he iz hangin out wif teh flowrz LOL.

Luvr

4 U iz as pretti as Tirzah,
 as pretti az Jerusalem,
 liek an armi marchin around.5 Doant look at me,
 itz too much LOL.
 Ur hair iz liek goatz
 comin down teh mountn.6 Ur teeth iz liek sheep
 dat just hadded abaff.
 Dey iz all twinz,
 bcz u haz all ur teethz.7 Ur butt
 is liek a peach.8 Dere is sixti queenz,
 an eighti othr ladiez,
 an lotz of virjinz9 but u iz wun of a kiend,
 ur motherz only dauter
 ur motherz favrit.
 Teh ladiez sez "She haz cheezburgr";
 teh queenz iz liek "U iz so cool."

Friends

10 Who is this shini cat,
 shini an pretti,
 liek teh starz?

Luvr

11 I wented down to teh nut treez
 to look at teh babi plantz,
 to see if dere wuz budz
 or flowrz.12 Befor i knowed what wuz happenin,
 i wuz so horni i gotted in teh car LOL.

Friends

13 Com back, Shulammite;
 come backso we can look at u!

Luvr

Why wud u look at teh Shulammite
 liek teh dansin of Mahanaim? (srlsy)