Brethren — the latest divinely self-appointed superstar has crawled back from his epic mission to the Seven Hills of Rome, where he single-handedly dazzled the Italians with the one true gospel that actually matters: the holy, infallible words of Herbert W. Armstrong. Forget Jesus, forget the apostles — nothing on this entire planet holds a candle to HWA’s sacred ramblings. When they print the next Bible, his literature will be enshrined in gilded glory while Jesus stands there slack-jawed, muttering, “Wow… why didn't I think of that?”
After shamelessly looting almost every piece of literature the long-dead Worldwide Church of God ever produced from other people’s websites, this humble servant has now crowned himself the single most important Church of God restoration in existence. Bob Thiel’s crackpot delusions? Yesterday’s news. Dave Pack’s endless prophetic trainwrecks? Embarrassing. Move over, losers — Samuel is the New Light, the Final Apostle, the glorious savior of the true restoration. Bow down.
And how perfectly timed for America’s 250th birthday! Hundreds of thousands of people are already organizing a major day of prayer and rededication on the National Mall. But according to our hero’s latest prophetic bulletin, this whole national event is actually his baby — masterminded solely by him under the proudly stolen name of the Worldwide Church of God. Because of course it is.
I can picture it now. Off in a lonely corner of the National Mall, Samuel and 1 other person will be singing Dwight Armstrong hymns. What joy!
What we are planing on doing is to sing in an informal Hymn Service…
And bow our heads in prayer for this nation and our people, in rededication to the Eternal God in Heaven!
Whether it is one — or all! We shall gather and represent.
Whether you can join or not — stand up and share this post, in unity and in full support! Make it your profile pic, and let the world know where you stand!
Place newspaper ads.
Alert news stations.
Place a printout of this poster in your local library.
Pin it up at your local coffee shop or hometown grocery store.
Share it to local pages and groups.
The Worldwide Church of God stands in support of rededication of this nation and people, to the True God! And we pray for our leaders and government.
Stand together brethren! Whether in Washington DC, or at home.
Let me know if you are going to be in Washington DC.
5 comments:
Spiritual masturbation, only Sam will feel good about this.
Place newspaper adds……pin this up in your local coffee shop or grocery store….Oh yes, who remembers having to ‘care’ for a PT stand/station back in the day? I remember the monthly ritual of collecting PTs from the regional office or after services and the following week filling up said stands. Got some interesting looks from many a folk out there. And hoping like heck no one would tap me on the shoulder and ask WHY lol. I didn’t volunteer for the job but was lumped with it by someone else, who probably was as nervous as I was with the task. Them were the days ha ha. Now who remembers the Plain Truth?
What….anyone ……….
WCG was sneaky with those PT stands. They counted all magazines sent to the church members to supply as regular readers, regardless if 95% were never picked up and ended up being returned or thrown away. The waste was horrendous, but claiming the PT had 7,000,000 riders was disingenuous.
A more accurate PT would have been The Planed Truth,
I heard a nasty rumor that disgruntled, rebellious, ex-members, instantly recognizable by their long, rebellious sideburns, would grab all the mags from the box and dump them in neighborhood dumpsters which they'd checked to verify did indeed contain messy trash with liquid content so Joe "Gung Ho" AC couldn't salvage them, if watching.
These days, if you are going to the barber's, and didn't call in for an appointment, and consequently have to wait, you are most likely going to encounter a Philadelphia Trumpet in the 'zine rack. Nice opportunity to express yourself if you happen to have brought a pen along! Flurry, if he knew any cool barrio slang, would probably call you a pen-dejo, but what the hell?
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