Monday, September 21, 2015

The Church of God Obsession With Creepy Sock Puppets


This is Jelly and his "handler" in one of many of United Church of God's creepy sock puppet campaigns to brainwash their kids with aberrant doctrines.

Not to be outdone is the Church of God International with Buckaroo Bob and the Roadkill Cafe. 


 

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you watch the kids sitting here none of them seem very interested in this sad display of blithering idiocy.

Anonymous said...

Jelly's "handler" is Jonathan McGee. He's actually a very funny and somewhat charismatic guy in person. If it weren't for the COG's and their silly ideas, I think he could have had a bona fide career in comedy. It's too bad he's ruining his chances with these Jelly videos.

Also, hats off to Mark Graham for putting a fine point on the selfishness and special pleading of sectarian COG belief systems with the following lyric:

"All the things in store for me and my friends"

Anonymous said...

I find the guy in the hat far creepier than the puppet. I have seen all of his videos and find something really weird about them all.

Anonymous said...

(I want my U.C.G. ...)

Now look at them yo-yo's
That's not the way you do it
Playin' with puppets for the U.C.G.
That ain't workin'
That's not the way to do it
(You want your) Money for nothin'
Rich from cha-rit-y!

Now that ain't workin'
That's not the way to do it
Them Cincinnati guys sure are dumb!
Maybe got some Jelly on their
Lit-tle finger
Maybe got some Jelly on their
Thumb.

They gotta in—stall a micro-wave oven
A custom kitchen for the U.C—.G.!
They gotta move this
Refriger-ator
They gotta move this
Whoop-ti-dee-ee!

See that big Apostle with the portrait in the lobby
Yeah buddy, that guy had flair!
That big Apostle
Had his own jet airplane
That big Apostle
Was a mill-ion-aire!

They gotta in-stall a rubber mulch surface
A Jelly-Land for the U.C—.G.!
They gotta move this
Adventure playset
Got the third de-gree
For taking cha-rit-y-ee!

They shoulda learned
How to fan the flame
They shoulda learned
The fear-monger-ing game
Look at that Apostle in front of that ol' cam-er-a. Man!
They coulda had the same!

And he's up there. See that? Jowls flapping!
Bangin' on his desk like he's a chim-pan-zee!
Oh, that was workin'
That's the way you do it
(Got his) Money for nothin'
Rich from cha-rit-y!

They gotta in—stall a micro-wave oven
A custom kitchen for the U.C—.G.!
They gotta move this
Refriger-ator
They gotta move this
Whoop-ti-dee-ee!

Listen here
Now that ain't workin'
That's not the way you do it
Playin' with puppets for the U.C.G.
That ain't workin'
That's not the way to do it
(You want your) Money for nothin'
Rich from cha-rit-y!
Money for nothin'
Rich from cha-rit-y!
(You want your) Money for nothin'
Rich from cha-rit-y!
Money for nothin'
Rich from cha-rit-y! (I want my, I want my, I want my U.C.G.)
Money for nothin'
Rich from cha-rit-y!

Credit: (Members in) Dire Straits

Anonymous said...

I applaud UCG for doing something for the kids. Many splinter groups just ignore them. I don't think the Jelly videos are creepy... and Jonathan doesn't seem creepy either. I think he does a great job presenting church/God topics for kids in a fun way that keeps their interest. Let's focus on all the abuse going in the crazy splinter groups with the egomaniac narcissistic leaders, and not make fun of UCG when it is doing something that is actually positive. Lets focus on real problems in the COGs.

Anonymous said...

If this is what passes for entertainment in the COG's these people have serious problems.

Anonymous said...

Why am I itching to make comparisons with Barney the Big Purple . . . Whatever-It-Is -- that would be in his favor?

Connie Schmidt said...

Jelly's Jonathan Magee and his wife, and Wes and Linda White ( Buckaroo Bob) are some of the best darn people
you would ever want to meet. Hats off to them for being positive people, and trying to do something for kids.

Byker Bob said...

Armstrongism pretended to use certain beings and entities as its sock puppets leading up to 1975. The show they put on at that time created the impression that they were the handlers or gatekeepers for the Germans, the Pope, the Catholic Church, God, Satan, and Jesus. They imposed an entire culture on all of us as part of this show, not unlike the one that has come to surround the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Like Tim Curry's "Frank N Furter", HWA seduced and raped us all. Today's ACOG splinters are not unlike the dwindling numbers of cultic people around the country who still show up in costume at aging theatres for weekend midnight screenings of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Humans depend on their spiritual belief for two things: 1) Enlightenment, and 2) Transformation. These two processes, even under best conditions, are very elusive. But, they are absolutely impossible to receive through the teachings of Herbert W. Armstrong. Those teachings have always been a sock puppet show, with box office receipts being the only important by-product. It is no surprise that puppet shows would continue to be used to get the remnants of what can be stretched to still seem possible across to the stalwarts and their children today. Any illusions that this movement could be any sort of gatekeeper was destroyed by failure decades ago, and this failure continues to be made manifest by their new crop of "apostles" and "prophets" even today.

BB

Anonymous said...

Positive people who teach things that are not required of new covenant Christians are NOT doing something good. More children's lives destroyed for the false belief system of Armstrongism.

Ed said...

These puppet shows are nothing but attempts to keep children indoctrinated in an abusive religious system. Its not just the COG's that use tactics like this but it is also command in mainstream Christianity.

Anonymous said...

None of these puppets are made from socks.

Retired Prof said...

"None of these puppets are made from socks."

Damn, Anon, you are one sharp cookie. I bet you also realize you're not actually a cookie. And you probably know a blanket rule doesn't necessarily involve flannel bedclothes. Also you're no doubt aware that shooting the bull, which we are now doing, is not done with projectiles discharged at a taurine quadruped.

Wow. Such an intellect!

[NO2HWA, sorry for feeding the troll. When presented with a setup, I am helpless to resist supplying a punchline.]

Anonymous said...

Retired Prof - I don't think you know what you are talking about.

sock pup·pet
noun
1.
a simple hand puppet made from a sock.
2.
a false online identity, typically created by a person or group in order to promote their own opinions or views.

Buckaroo or Jelly do not meet either definition. They should be referred to as hand puppets.

Retired Prof said...

Hey Anon 2:23, thanks for the correction about sock puppets, as opposed to more elaborate hand puppets such as Jelly and Buckaroo. I apologize for getting all snarky about something I was ignorant about.

Anonymous said...


The only hope for the UCG is that the Sock Puppets might behave better than many of the real people who go to the UCG to hang out and behave badly.

Many unbelieving weirdos and perverts take advantage of the UCG's open-door policy to flood the place with their heretical ideas and bad behavior.

Some of the unbelieving perverts and liars in the UCG are so bad that someone might want to stuff any available socks, including Sock Puppets, in their mouths to get them to shut up. Hopefully, Jelly will rise to the occasion, sacrifice his sock body, and “take one for the church.”