Showing posts with label Tribulation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tribulation. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

About to Flee to Petra and Worried About Your Pets?

Who's going to take care of you pet's when you run off to Petra with Gerry Six-Pack or Spanky Rod?  
Are they doomed to suffer through the tribulation without you?  

While you are sitting in a steaming hot desert for your final training 
you can ease your wandering mind about your pets 
who will most certainly be tortured by the invading German army. 

You can now relax! 

There is Petra/Rapture Aftercare available though this organization. 

They will rescue your pets from those horrible Germans and take care of them.  

Then once you return to earth with HWA who is directly under Christ (can't say Jesus - too effeminate) 
and after you have been named a ruler of a world, 
you can reclaim your kitties and doggies
to be rulers of the animal kingdom in your neck of the woods.
(Isn't Armstrongism grand!)







Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The End Is Nigh! It's All Theoretical, Of Course....



Those of us lucky enough to be part of the weirdness that was Armstrongism know the hundreds of failed prophecy predictions that HWA, Meredith, Hoeh, Waterhouse, Blackwell, Flurry, Pack, WeinerDude Weinland, and others have uttered over the decades. (For a list of 209 of those failed prophecies check out the side bar under "Links Worth Visiting".)

The LCG splinter cult (Meredith) is looking towards 2012. Chiropractor Bob continues to point out that it cannot happen until 2014 though.  Shame on you Chiropractor Bob for being so rebellious against Lord Meredith's utterances!  For shame!

2012 Find out the TRUTH! Sort out the fact from the hype. Ten world events, aligning with the predictions found in the book 2012 and the Rise of the Secret Sect have come to pass since its publication in September 2009. Find out which prophecies will affect you. Order 2012 and the Rise of the Secret Sect now. This accurate book was written by COGwriter.



WeinerDude Weinland predicted the tribulation was started on December 14, 2008.  I have his book of comedic errors.  For being two years into the tribulation I sure can get into how fun it is!



Geoff Neilson says the tribulation started on March 25 2010. With Jesus returning on September 5, 2013 - all theoretically, of course.  That's Armstrongism's catch phrase on every thing they utter.


1260 Day count: Tribulation theoretically starts
HWA Day 30514,
Endtime Day 33747
25 Mar 2010
10 Nisan 5770

1335 Days end (theoretically)
HWA Day 31774
Day 35007
Feast of Trumpets
5 Sep 2013
1 Tishri 5774
Possible time of the blowing of the 7th Trumpet,
heralding the arrival of the Messiah.

Now we are blessed with this non-Armstrongite idiot that says the tribulation will start on October 13, 2010.... 







Hat tip to Scotteriology Blog Dumbpocalypse-now