Showing posts with label Rapture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rapture. Show all posts

Monday, September 19, 2011

Talk About Some Busy Angels!

click to embiggen

Armstrongism has always thrived on the myth that it's members were going to be whisked away to three an half years of final training in the deserts of Jordan. 

Various evangelists and ministers have come up with all kids of idiotic ways of getting there.  The big thing that was floating around when 1971 hit the scene was that DC 9's (or 10's) would be used to get us there.  At that point in time those planes were having a lot of problems with cracks in their wings.  Some numbnut in Pasadena came up with the reasoning that with all the airliners disposing of those planes we would be able to use them to fly the church to Petra.  God was going to miraculously hold those wings together and not allow them to fall apart mid flight over the Atlantic.  The airline companies would be happy to give us the planes because they all secretly hoped the planes would crash and the TRUE CHURCH would be killed off.  But to our relief and comfort our magical god was going to make it all work out to our benefit.

Now there is some minister telling his congregations that personal angles will be whisking members off to Petra when the time arrives.  I forget where I heard that first.  It may have been in a comment on here.

Tonight there was a comment on the the uber-conservative COG board on Yahoo.  They brought up this very point:

  In Mathew 24 and starting in verse 15, it tells about the coming tribulation and going down through verse 44, do these events follow in exact sequence, and immediately happen just prior to Christ`s return, or could some of these events happen just prior to the tribulation? Who would it be that would be the one taken and the one left? It would seem that since God`s people will be in a place of safety at the time of the tribulation, where would the one be taken to be apparently spared?! Is it possible that in verse 40 and verse 41 that it is referring to those just prior to the tribulation, and is it possible that these verses are speaking about some in the Church where one is converted and the other is not and the converted one taken to a place of safety, possibly by an angel of God?-----I just thought that I would throw this out as food for thought.

You would think after 70 some years of failed prophecies and the public abysmal failure in 1971 and 1975 that these numbnuts would keep their mouths shut!  But no!  It is one speculation after another. 

  Flurry's cult is ready to flee at any moment as they build million dollar buildings around the clock.  Meredith's cult is ready to flee in 2012 or 2016 or whenever Prophet Theil figures out the correct date.

What would Armstrongism be without it's myths, legends and it's magical god?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

About to Flee to Petra and Worried About Your Pets?

Who's going to take care of you pet's when you run off to Petra with Gerry Six-Pack or Spanky Rod?  
Are they doomed to suffer through the tribulation without you?  

While you are sitting in a steaming hot desert for your final training 
you can ease your wandering mind about your pets 
who will most certainly be tortured by the invading German army. 

You can now relax! 

There is Petra/Rapture Aftercare available though this organization. 

They will rescue your pets from those horrible Germans and take care of them.  

Then once you return to earth with HWA who is directly under Christ (can't say Jesus - too effeminate) 
and after you have been named a ruler of a world, 
you can reclaim your kitties and doggies
to be rulers of the animal kingdom in your neck of the woods.
(Isn't Armstrongism grand!)