Fake COG Prophet Publishes 8 Points On Why He Is The Best COG Ever To Exist

One thing the Church of God lacked in so many of its leaders were ministers with a sense of humor.  Many were so tightly wound up that you wonder how they ever went to the bathroom.  Occasionally we heard sermons injected with humor which was a fresh twist over the constipated Debbie-downer sermons we were subjected to most times.

Those days are now over!  Praise God and pass the offering plate, Bwana Bob Thiel is here to entertain us with the best list of proofs on why he has the most superfantabulous church in the 21st century. Dave Pack was seen whimpering, yet again, in his formal gardens over this humiliating situation.

God's most favorite end-time church leader is so superfantabulous that God had to doubly bless him and send him into several dream states where his mind regurgitated one of the silliest COG claims ever!

The Great Bwana has published a hilarious list of pointa as to why his personality cult is different than all of the other COG's.

Apparently, one of his potential converts had been church hopping through various Churches of God due to the fact she cannot make a decision on her own as to who might be doing what is right.  As usual, she needs someone to tell her how to believe.

Bwana Bob writes:

• Someone who attended with RCG, then CGG, and also LCG telephoned me and asked me how CCOG differed from the other COGs.

Bwana Bob then drew up a list, and then was so insecure in what he wrote that he had to consult with his 2 ministers in Europe and a few of those in Africa.

• After telling her several reasons, I put together a list and had it reviewed by CCOG ministers in Europe and Africa. Here is a partial list:

Get your popcorn ready and a beer for the entertainment that is to come.

• We are more biblically-focused. Our sermons tend to contain more scriptures than others–enough so that our English online sermons have truly helped fulfill Matthew 28:19-20–we have taught all that the New Testament records that Jesus taught (proof can be seen in a sermon listing of the Gospels, etc. with links at COGWriter.com).

Seriously?  Just because someone spouts hundreds of scriptures in a sermon that covers 30-40 different topics does NOT prove Bwana is more biblically focused!  Nor, does have a huge list of sermons on the Gospels instead of what they actually profess, still does not make one's cult as biblically focused.

• We also read the entire ‘book of the law’ every seven years at the Feast of Tabernacles as instructed in Deuteronomy 31:10-13We also read the entire ‘book of the law’ every seven years at the Feast of Tabernacles.

Well, whoop-dee-do! During Herbert Armstong's reign, we had to hand-write out the entire book.  Other COG splinter groups, like the legalistic Pharisee James Malm do the exact same thing.

Those that seem to have turned their backs on Jesus feel the need to place the emphasis on the law nowadays.

• We have more information in more languages in order to fulfill the commissions of Matthew 24:14 and Matthew 28:19-20 to reach the world with the Gospel of the Kingdom of God and other teachings.

Bwana Bob, like most of the other self-appointed COG guru's, has no gospel message that humanity needs to hear.  When the crap that he fosters off as gospel is so totally devoid of anything that centers upon Jesus, there is no gospel message worthwhile.

• Many teachings are restored in more detail. 

Considering NOTHING was ever lost, to begin with, there are no teachings than have been revealed other than extra-biblical crap that no one needs to worry about.

• We were the first group in the 21st century to boldly, and more accurately, teach why God made anything including humans. Which is: God made what He did so that eternity would be better and that God made humans so each who ultimately accept Him, in their own way, will help make eternity better (it is not clear if the other COG’s teach this yet).

Well of course none of them teach this because it is not true.

• We post more accurate information online on prophecy and world events (for example, which shows we are serious about Jesus’ admonition to watch (Mark 13:37) and warn.

Never has the Church of God seen a bigger liar than we have in Bwana Bob.  Form his self-appointment and the lies about his double blessing to how moronic prophecy predictions, it has been a train wreck from the start.

Bwana Bob is so in tune with his god that he is INCAPABLE of having prophetic errors!  That statement alone makes him a liar.

• We do not have the prophetic errors that many teach, which (unless they change) will prevent them from knowing when the Great Tribulation (Matthew 24:21) will start until it is basically too late.

Bwana Bob claims to be the fastest growing COG out there.  He has less than a hundred followers in all the English speaking countries of the entire world, while most of his "converts" are professional Sabbatarian church hoppers who are constantly searching for the next convenient white savior to give them more laptops and money.  Besides, there is another Church of God who claims to add way more African members that Bwana Bob does.  Sadly, this is another idiotic splinter cult of Armstrongism run by deranged Wade Cox.

• We are the fastest growing xWCG church in the 21st century.

Bwana Bob still is trying to "prove" he is legitimate because had some dreams after a night of eating bad sushi.  He believes that just because some mentally disturbed woman in the Southern Hemisphere dreamed a dream about Bwana Bob that this also legitimizes him.  Of course, he tries to lend credibility to the dreams by claiming Loma did the same thing when she dreamed up the Church of God.

Because of that, Bwana Bob's personalty cult is the ONLY true Philadelphia splinter group out there today.

• Like the start of the Philadelphian era was preceded by a dream from God given to a woman, the official 21st century start of the remnant of that era was also preceded by a dream from God given to a woman–furthermore several associated with CCOG have had confirmed dreams. We are not just one of scores of COG groups, but the only international Philadelphian organization and the leader of the Philadelphian remnant that God is using to go through doors He opens (Revelation 3:7-8) for the fulfillment of Matthew 24:14, Romans 11:25, etc. in the final phase of the work.

If Herbert Armstrong were alive today, Bwana Bob's ass would be kicked out the door so fast that his head would spin.  The boot imprint would be permanent!

Gerald Weston Continues His Debbie-Downer Singsong

Where would the Church of God be today without all of the miserable leaders who have to continually find something wrong with the world around them?  Beauty and awesome things surround them and all they can see is death and damnation.  

These kinds of men thrive well in the COG culture which looks with eager anticipation on seeing all their enemies and detractors destroyed so that they and they alone can enjoy Petra as they prepare to be "gods" in the sad little world they see coming.  So many of these church leaders take great delight in their graphic depictions of the death and destruction they want to see reign down from heaven above.

Whether it is Bwana Bob and his endless tales of Catholic/Mayan nonsense or the legalistic grace killing bullshit of James Malm, the craziness knows no end to the fantasies they dream up.

Living Church of God's "my god is going to SPANK the world" Roderick C. Meredith was the king of the bully pulpit in the COG.  Never have we seen a man who was so giddy at seeing humanity destroyed than we saw in Meredith.  From parents eating their children to women being raped and hung up on meat hooks, to Germans bashing babies heads against the ground, the death and destruction flowed forth in an almost orgasmic state of ecstasy from his lips. Meredith's eyes would glaze over as he pounded the podium and shouted his end-time blasphemies.  The more bloody and graphic he could get the more turned on he got.

Today in 2019, that legacy carries on in Living Church of God with Gerald Weston.  Gerald is the "Debbie-downer" of the Church of God.  Everything in his world is awful and evil and filled with more sex than Hugh Hefner ever experienced!

In the latest issue (July/August) of the Tomorrow's World, Weston has an article up titled: 

"THEN COMES SUDDEN DESTRUCTION"

You wont find any rainbows and cotton candy here, just Brexit, angry Germans, and angry Beast, and the world order collapsing.

The world order as we have known it for the last 75 years is breaking down. Consider the British exit from the European Union, a body already in crisis economically and politically. Right-wing groups are rising in Hungary, Poland, and Italy. The U.S. is pressuring Germany and Europe to increase their military spending—something that did not work out very well for the world the last two times it happened. The right-wing nationalist Alternative for Germany (AfD) is now the third-largest political party in Germany. Nations are turning inward, and this trend is no longer on the fringe, but is becoming mainstream. Where is it leading?

The Bible foretells of a resurrected “beast” power that will rise in Europe. (For more on this, read our booklet The Beast of Revelation: Myth, Metaphor, or Soon-Coming Reality?) The end of this age will come suddenly and (for most) unexpectedly, yet those who are watching will not be caught unaware (1 Thessalonians 5:1–4). Our world is going morally and financially bankrupt “gradually”—the “suddenly” will soon follow. How many of us will recall the experience of the 1930s generation? Historian Kagan observed (as I quoted in the previous issue of this magazine), “They learned, and we have now forgotten, that when things start to go wrong, they can go very wrong very quickly, that once a world order breaks down, the worst qualities of humanity emerge from under the rocks and run wild” (p. 24).

Living Church of God is morally and financially bankrupt in their fake "christian" actions. The corruption spread from Worldwide Church of God through Meredith, Davis, Ames, and others as they jumped ship into Global and later into Living Church of God. The moral cesspool of Armstrongism that still exists in LCG. UCG. CCOG, RCG, PCG, COGWA, and Malmism, put the things going wrong in the world to shame.

These men whine and bellyache on why their message no longer attracts people. The more they are ignored the more angry and bitter they become.

They are so miserable in this life that they can fidn no joy. Can you image spending 3 1/2 years in Petra with these yokels?  Or even worse, an eternity in the kingdom as they play gods!

The hot licking flames of the lake of fire sound better!

Herbert W Armstrong: What Did He Do... (part 2)

What Did He Do... (part 2)

When talking about my cult upbringing, people sometimes ask me what I would say to Herbert W. Armstrong if I were able to travel back in time and meet him. (He died in 1986 when I was 13)

My answer is always the same.

I would grab him by the lapels of his $2000 suit coat and shout in his face as loudly as I possibly could, “YOU STOLE MY POTENTIAL AND MADE ME AFRAID OF MY OWN FAMILY, ASSHOLE!” And then, depending on my ability to restrain myself, I might then, possibly, spit in his face.

But here’s the real kicker of the whole scenario… I don’t think that he would have had much of a reaction to our confrontation.

After all, we are talking about someone who, when confronted with accusations about his incestuous acts on his youngest daughter, never once denied them and is said to have even admitted abusing her to several people. (Source links available upon request)

The incest allegations notwithstanding, you can’t really call Herbert a “monster.” Looking at other cult leaders like Jim Jones, L. Ron Hubbard, and David Koresh, Herbert Armstrong looks almost harmless. So, really, what did he do that was so bad? I mean, after all, didn’t his organization donate money and labor to truly worthy causes all over the world? Didn’t his teachings promote things like eating healthy diets and strengthening the nuclear family? Who could have a problem with a guy like that?

Well, when you look at the backgrounds and behaviors of notorious cult leaders, a commonality becomes apparent. Those people share the distinction of recognizable acute mental illness. Herbert wasn’t diabolical or sadistic, he was just a charismatic and selfish (and/or greedy) narcissist. And that was the secret to his success and longevity. “Crazy” cult leaders burn themselves out (sometimes literally), but a “Con Man” cult leader can live to the ripe old age of 93 and die surrounded by millions of dollars’ worth of golden finery and his very own private jet.

Now let’s look at what he left behind besides the $80,000 golden chalices and a stack of writings, that if laid out page by page, end to end, could reach beyond the moon.

He left millions of isolated, confused, and fearful people with little or no financial stability or plans for the future aside from going to “the Place of Safety” in order to hide from “the Great Tribulation” (aka “Armageddon”). Each of those people had been encouraged to cut ties with their “unconverted” family members and friends. They lived in a world where their only real support structure was The Worldwide Church of God and the followers of the teachings of Armstrongism.

Even though “the church” was VERY big on family, it had an ability to destroy families that statistically rivaled substance abuse and infidelity. A bizarre doctrine known to Armstrongers as “D and R” (Divorce and Remarriage) was arguably one of the worst offenses that the church ever committed.

It was a position that made, at least a little bit of sense, on paper.

If a man and woman made an oath before God to belong only to each other until separated by death, then they should be held to those terms. So, if a woman divorced her abusive husband and then years later married another man who treated her with nothing but love and respect, their otherwise legal marriage could be ruled invalid by the Worldwide Church of God, and the couple would have to separate if they wanted to escape the horrors of “the End Times.” It was not uncommon for children to have loving and safe two-parent homes ripped apart because of the ill-informed judgments of a man and his ministers.

And then you have families like mine.

Now, I’m not naïve to think that were it not for my mother’s indoctrination into the WCG that my parents would have remained happily married. The most likely would have divorced at some point anyway. All of my parent’s siblings divorced at least once, so I’m sure my mother and father would have split up as well. But WCG doctrine made the idea of her ever getting remarried iffy at best. Moreover, my actual father was considered “spiritually dead” and despised by God for rejecting Armstrong’s “true gospel” teachings when they were shared with him. (More on that in a page or so)

Now add to the surgically precise and sterile removal of my father’s influence (or any hope for a future step father to take his place) from my life, the endless preaching that my unconverted family members were, at their core, people who hated the “truth” about God’s Plan and would constantly be inspired by demons to pull me away from God’s divine protection so that I would fight for the side of Satan.

For reference, think of the movie, The Matrix. When you were in the matrix, each and every person you encountered, who wasn’t a part of Morpheus’ group, could at any moment turn into an Agent and kill you. According to the cult of Armstrong, any person who wasn’t under God’s protection could conceivably be a demon (or under a demon’s control) and actively seeking to pull you away from God’s protection.

Now let’s follow that to the logical conclusion that myself and many other children raised in this belief structure came to.

Your unconverted family members, school mates, and basically anyone you don’t go to church with (and possibly some of the one’s you do go to church with) might be a demon intent on tempting you to do something that would make God mad enough to exclude you from being among the protected.

But then it gets worse.

You see, in Armstrongist belief, the people who never knew the truth will eventually be instructed by God’s chosen people on the true purpose and plan that God has for them. It’s fine just as long as you never knew that you about the rules you were breaking. HOWEVER, if you had been shown the truth and then rejected it, well….

All I can say is that it sucks to be you.

The good news is that you aren’t going to hell - because there is no hell. The bad news is that there is a “Lake of Fire” (no, it’s not like the one in the Meat Puppets song) and you’ve got a one-way ticket straight in.

No written warning, no second chances.

You’ve got to get it right the first time or God will judge you to be as evil as the demons who lead you astray.

Let me make this crystal clear for you.

Adolf Hitler gets a second chance because (presumably) was never able to receive Herbert Armstrong’s broadcasts or publications. God is going to show him mercy.

Me, on the other hand, I’m beyond forgiveness. I had the ultimate blessing of being born into God’s true church. I was given unlimited access to information about God’s true plan. I lived among God’s chosen people. I “kept” (observed) God’s true holy days and followed his laws and commands – and then I rejected all of it (for several reasons I will go into later in another post) and walked away forever.

So let’s recap.

Family is super duper important to God, but some people aren't allowed to have one because that would break God's rules.

My entire family, aside from my mom and my sister, everyone at my school, and basically anyone I meet who isn’t a cult member is potentially a demon with the intent of making me a servant of the Prince of Darkness.

Adolf Hitler gets a mulligan and a private tutor from among God’s chosen faithful servants, but if I leave the cult, I am damned to burn because (unless, of course I change my mind and return to the cult BEFORE the Great Tribulation starts).


This seems like a good place to pause until next time.

I will be glad to answer any questions or address any comments you'd like to share below.

Or you can email me at Ripley@ripleyjohnson.com


RJ

See Part 1 here:  "What Did He Do That Was So Wrong?" (Part One)