Thursday, July 9, 2015

2nd Witless Witness Laura Weinland's Birthday Now Has Eschatological Significance

Ever since Ron Weinland was imprisoned for using tithe money for his own family's use, he has been plagued by countless nightmares causing him to write them down as spiritual revelations from his impotent god.

Once Weinland knew his fate was sealed and would have to serve a biblical 3 1/2 years in prison, he had to appoint his wife as his immediate successor.  She became the 2nd of the end time two witnesses, received the power to ordain, and continued to spend church money on herself, her money-laundering daughter Audra and BMW loving Jeremy.  The church is now paying to fly Laura and Audra around the world where they preach the appalling doctrines of imprisoned felon Ron Weinland.

Witless Witness Laura recently released a chart detailing the end-times according to her own nightmare and those of her imprisoned husband.

Laura is now such a masterpiece of creation that her birthday now surpasses anything that ever happened on the day Jesus was born.  Laura's birthday falls on the day Weinland is released from prison and is now a direct sign from god as to how significant she is.

Here is a clip from the chart that the Wienland's recently sent out,  The entire chart is here.


Anonymous said...

I'm not a person who thinks that there isn't enough government regulations of the private sector. However when it comes to religion there should be stronger laws requiring religious organizations to be more open with their finances or lose their tax exempt status. How many Weinlands are there out there that are not caught? I also think that ministries that push tithing should be even more closely monitored because of how they use guilt to extract large amounts of money from their members.

Anonymous said...

Well it's about time Laura did something, ANYTHING, to live up to her "witness" title, besides sit on her ass, spend free tithe $ at Saks and Neiman Marcus, and bake cookies. Now if only Ron would start doing something to live up to his self-appointed, self-aggrandizing title as well. Oh, wait, he's got that "prison ministry" thing going on...

Seriously, if they really were some such "witnesses" as prophesied by some god, filled with supernatural power, don't you think they'd be doing something of note, significance, or of a miraculous nature? Why is everything they do so mundane? There are lots of people doing much more noteworthy things than they are.

Byker Bob said...

We've all heard of "friends with benefits". Well, the ACOGs are social clubs with detriments. The stalwarts willingly accept this, and actually consider it as validation that they are on the right track if only they can maintain the proper attitude towards all that they see in their organization which "normal" people would see as red flags.


Anonymous said...

Laura's birthday falls on the day Weinland is released from prison and is now a direct sign from god as to how significant she is.

The WCG under HWA was not big on observing birthdays.

They pointed out that when Pharaoh king of Egypt was observing his birthday he had his baker hanged. Maybe Pharaoh didn't think he needed bread. Maybe he wanted cake.

They pointed out that when Herod was observing his birthday the partying got out of hand and he had John the Baptist beheaded. (Not to be confused with John the Eraser, who does contract work for the mob.)

Now--in the continuing tradition of bad things happening while the wicked are observing their birthdays--while Laura Weinland is observing her birthday her husband Ronald the Clown is set to be released on the world again. If you thought that Pennywise the Clown was bad, wait till you see this guy.

Anonymous said...

Why didn't HWA ban eating in banquet settings and drinking booze. Why ban birthdays?
Another idea HWA stole from the JWs?