Pulpit Pimping For Dummies

Now you too can have a large home, luxury cars, gold, diamonds, travel to Europe and many other perks.  Let the rules that many mega-pastors use to help you gain money and a following.

Check out Pulpit Pimping for Dummies.

You will learn to:

Take your ministry to the next level. Walk in divine prosperity. Get the break through you keep promising the sheeple. Drive the best cars, live in the biggest house, fly the best planes and patronize the best restaurants.

The Dummies guide tells you how to convince people to give you more money than they can afford to give you. But not only that, it teaches you how to make those people to think you are doing them a favor by taking the money. We give you the secrets for convincing people to pay you their tithes BEFORE they pay their rent or electric bill. Do you want to make people financially dependent on you? We’ll tell you how.

You want to be worshiped as if you are the Christ? The Dummies guide teaches you how to walk, talk, and threaten so that even the most stubborn (though stupid) sheeple will be willing to quote you rather than the Bible.

Are there people in your congregation who regularly disagree with you and base that disagreement on an accurate understanding of Scripture? The Dummies guide gives you foolproof instructions on how get them out of your congregation and how to make the sheeple believe they are being obedient to God when they turn their backs on the rebel.

There is even a section on how the Church of God operates:

There’s even a special Scumbag section that has tons of information on how the best of the scumbags get away with sexual harassment and abuse, spanking, raping, incest and just plain fooling around with some of the Gospel groupies. We tell you how to intimidate folks to keep silent, what Scriptures to use to keep the sheeple thinking they should feel bad about doubting whatever you tell them, and how to make sure you are repeating “touch not God’s anointed” often enough to be effective but not often enough to lessen the impact.

Pretty soon you too will be able to build a college, build the world's largest and best web site, and own a large home on a lake in a private gated compound. Know the perks that your COG leader used to get where he is today!

Apostle Malm Ready to 'Execute Correction?"

The apostle has been running a series of posts on the Psalms and how they illustrate that God is really pissed and is going to annihilate the wicked.

Today, the apostle had this to say:

One man took a stand for the Lord and executed the correction of Christ on a wicked and rebellious people who were committing fornication and adultery.  Today as the various COG Groups commit spiritual adultery by following the traditions of a man instead of the very Word of Almighty God; is there a Phinehas among the brethren to take a stand and save the people by turning them back to the Eternal?

Malm has been saying for a while that he is the ONLY one  preaching a warning to the wicked and fornicating Churches of God.  Is apostle Malm ready to "execute correction" in the name of the thing he calls "christ?"

Malm.like many Armstrongites get giddy at the prospect of the wicked being punished.  They want to see the people they call sinners be punished for their wickedness.  By seeing that happen it legitimizes their law keeping and makes them better than the others.  Since they have been trained for decades that they are "called out" they have always felt more enlightened than the pagans and sinners they spit on regularly.

Dennis On: Wrestling With Scripture

Wrestling With Scripture

If there was ever a story in the Old Testament that, even as a child, confused me, it would be this one.

Jacob Wrestles

Genesis 32:

²⁴ Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. ²⁵ When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he touched the socket of his thigh; so the socket of Jacob’s thigh was dislocated while he wrestled with him. ²⁶ Then he said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking.” But he said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” ²⁷ So he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” ²⁸ He said, “Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but ^[n]Israel; for you have striven with God and with men and have prevailed.” ²⁹ Then Jacob asked him and said, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And he blessed him there. ³⁰ So Jacob named the place ^]Peniel, for he said, “I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been preserved.” ³¹ Now the sun rose upon him just as he crossed over Penuel, and he was limping on his thigh. ³² Therefore, to this day the sons of Israel do not eat the sinew of the hip which is on the socket of the thigh, because he touched the socket of Jacob’s thigh in the sinew of the hip.

God wrestles with men?  Actually it doesn't say that this was God but that has always been the assumption.  Some say it was "the one who became Jesus Christ."  Really?  The context says it was a man but since Jacob ends up naming the place Peniel which means "I have seen God face to face, the assumptions spring from this.  

What's really going on here.  Is God a vampire that He has to get back in the coffin before the sun rises?  

The REAL explanation of this is fascinating.  I wonder if any ministers in the COG will ever again say that this is Jacob wrestling with God who would become Jesus Christ?

Let me get right to the point.  No sense in going on and on and having to join On-And-On-Anonymous over this story

Jacob was wrestling, in the dark, with his last seen 20 years earlier brother Esau.  This is Esau , the brother deceived by Jacob out of his birthright.  Good reason for a good brother on brother fight.  Jacob had no clue who had accosted him, though in the text he was on the way to see Esau because Esau was coming to see him with 400 men.  Jacob had just taken many of Laban's cattle and sheep and now was having to consider giving them to Esau as a token of being sorry for events 20 years previous.
 
However, Esau caught up with Jacob in the dark.  Jacob had no clue who he was fighting in the dark.  He had not seen Jacob for many years.  Esau was not ready to tell Jacob who he really was as they scrapped "all night."  It may have seemed like all night to Jacob.  Esau wanted to be done with it by sunrise so Jacob would not recognize his long lost swindled brother.  


That's the simple story.  Jacob was wrestling Esau.  
.
Prove it!

Genesis 33:

Jacob Meets Esau

33 Then Jacob lifted his eyes and looked, and behold, Esau was coming, and four hundred men with him. So he divided the children among Leah and Rachel and the two maids. ² He put the maids and their children in front, and Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph ^]last. ³ But he himself passed on ahead of them and bowed down to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother.

⁴ Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept. ⁵ He lifted his eyes and saw the women and the children, and said, “Who are these with you?” So he said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.” ⁶ Then the maids came near with their children, and they bowed down. ⁷ Leah likewise came near with her children, and they bowed down; and afterward Joseph came near with Rachel, and they bowed down. ⁸ And he said, “What do you mean by all this company which I have met?” And he said, “To find favor in the sight of my lord.” ⁹ But Esau said, “I have plenty, my brother; let what you have be your own.” ¹⁰ Jacob said, “No, please, if now I have found favor in your sight, then take my present from my hand,for I see your face as one sees the face of God, and you have received me favorably. ¹¹ Please take my ^]gift which has been brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me and because I have plenty.” Thus he urged him and he took it.

When Jacob said, "for I have seen your face as one sees the face of God,"  this was one of the great "nudge, nudge, wink wink"s of the Old Testament.  It "dawned" on Jacob that it was Esau he was wresting with all night just hours before. It must have been an interesting moment when Jacob realized, "Oh it was you." 

 Esau had forgiven him as he himself had prospered anyway, but a little eye for an eye between brothers seemed appropriate to Esau and a limping Jacob was eye enough for him.

Jacob never wrestled with "God."   Jacob never wrestled with a God that later became Jesus Christ .  The idea that "no man can see the face of God and live," is intact as this story always caused some to wonder, "well Jacob did and he just got a limp out of it." Jacob looked into the face of his brother Esau who later he said , probably sheepishly, was what he thought may have been God and now sees was Esau. It had to be a great moment of realization on Jacob's part.

I would encourage all COG ministers to consider this small example of how you haven't been taught enough about the Bible or you haven't done enough homework to tell everyone how it all is.  Those of you who live off prophetic peepings and mutterings had better be very careful how you teach because you do cause people to determine their life changing actions and beliefs and that can have consequences down the road. Not to mention all the good sinew meat that , "to this day" is not eaten by some because of this misunderstanding.

Amen

 Dennis C. Diehl

The Exciting Life of Herbert W Armstrong College Students

Reading this is like being in a time warp.  Does ANYONE have "turnabout" dates in College anymore? Only in COGGERland?

Check out that world class educational institution in the middle of Oklahoma that is training the next generation of Herb-bot's

HWA College Volunteers Keep "Turnabout" Tradition Alive

Seven Herbert W. Armstrong College student and graduate ladies kept the HWAC “turnabout weekend” tradition alive on November 8 when they hosted a group date for the 10 HWAC men at the men’s residence, known as Bethel.

Semiannual turnabout activities in Edmond are some of the students’ favorite activities of the year, and range as far as the HWAC ladies’ imaginations. Though the men do the planning and asking of dates the vast majority of the time, the ladies are known to seize the opportunity and pack several weekends’ worth of expenditure, time and effort into the occasion.

Obviously at one point in HWA's college career he had a "turnabout " weekend and it impressed Lord Six Pack so much that he has to have it too!  I will now ask the same question that I have asked repeatedly about the COGlets: "Why can none of these splinter cult leaders or splinter groups EVER come up with ANYTHING original??