Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Elijah Passover Dave: How I Became Elijah




Asshatery at its finest....

I awoke December 23rd ready to study in Zechariah – I wanted to study the things that Zechariah had been… discussed with the angel that had come, those eight visions, and see if there are any other clues for me there, just was interested in that, uh, for that morning. And having never recorded a single word, even one, about me being Elijah – this is exactly what happened, 'cause I'd had a funny thought two days earlier when I was reading that verse about making intercession against Israel, as Elijah was doing, Romans 11 – I just had this funny thought, "Wow, I do that. Ah, well," then I just put it out of my mind. Monday night I had this thought again, "Ah, any way… no, no, no, couldn't be, no way." And then Tuesday morning I got up and that same thought, "Could I poss… is there any way… no, no, no, I… there's no way." And I'd put it out of my mind again. I went downstairs, ready to study in the book of Zechariah and I just suddenly looked at my wife and just said, "You're not gonna believe this. Now look, please don't look at me like I'm crazy, but is there any way that I could be the Elijah?" And by the time I left for the office a list of 53 proofs had exploded onto paper after previously never being willing to entertain for one second the idea and I showed you that.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

A Christian corrects himself by reading about other people in the Bible.

A narcissist reads about himself in the Bible in order to correct other people.

Anonymous said...

"Who says I am not under the special protection of God?" -- Adolph Hitler

Anonymous said...

So this is Davey's "method" for figuring out if he's "Elijah" or not?

By this "method," I'm the first man on Mars!

Anonymous said...

Around this time next year:

"I awoke December 23rd ready to study in Revelation – I wanted to see if there are any other clues for me in John's visions, just was interested in that, uh, for that morning. And having never recorded a single word, even one, about me being Jesus Christ – this is exactly what happened, 'cause I'd had a funny thought two days earlier when I was reading that verse about the Lamb of God taking the seals off the scrolls – I just had this funny thought, "Wow, I do that. Ah, well," then I just put it out of my mind. Wednesday night I had this thought again, "Ah, any way… no, no, no, couldn't be, no way." And then Friday morning I got up and that same thought, "Could I be? Is there any way? No, no, no, I… there's no way." And I'd put it out of my mind again. I went downstairs, ready to study in the book of Revelation and I just suddenly looked at my wife and just said, "You're not gonna believe this. Now look, please don't look at me like I'm crazy, but is there any way that I could be the Messiah?" And by the time I left for the office a list of 613 proofs had exploded onto paper after previously never being willing to entertain for one second the idea..."

Why don't we just cut to the chase and start calling him Jesus Dave, or David Christ?

Byker Bob said...

Somehow, I keep asking myself, why couldn't this drip have received an insightful revelation like Bruce Jenner apparently did?

BB

k-baradanikto said...

"Now look, please don't look at me like I'm crazy..."

And here's to you, Dave Elijah Dude
Jesus doesn't care about your church
'Cause you're a nut
We pray to God, Dave Elijah Dude
A chariot of fire takes you away
To a funny farm
Where you'll do no harm...

Anonymous said...

"...a list of 53 proofs had exploded onto paper..."

"...right after I made them up..."

Anonymous said...

It's nothing but self delusion. He needs to go to mental asylum. Or perhaps he should be reading "Hotel California" song lyrics instead of the Bible and he can revise the lyrics to suit his hallucinations.

Anonymous said...

With all those crazy thoughts popping into his head, maybe Dave should just give up thinking, like his cult members have.

Questeruk said...

“I awoke December 23rd ready to study in Zechariah –…. I went downstairs, ready to study in the book of Zechariah and I just suddenly looked at my wife and just said, "You're not gonna believe this. Now look, please don't look at me like I'm crazy, but is there any way that I could be the Elijah?" And by the time I left for the office a list of 53 proofs had exploded onto paper after previously never being willing to entertain for one second the idea and I showed you that.”

Isn’t it just amazing that in the time between coming downstairs in the morning, to the time he left for the office, 53 proofs had ‘exploded’ on to paper, and he hadn’t even entertained the idea before that! Now that really is a basis for mental illness!

Not many people can come up with that number of proofs before breakfast on any subject – even on a good day.

What’s with this fellow and his obsession with the NUMBER of proofs? Does he feel if he only had maybe 20 proofs that he was Elijah that would be ridiculous – no one would be convinced with only that number?

No, let’s have a big number – doesn’t matter what substance there is to each proof, as long as it’s a big number – that is the important, convincing thing apparently.

Anonymous said...

“I awoke December 23rd ready to study in Zechariah –…. I went downstairs, ready to..."

Why couldn't he just have been a normal person who would awake on Dec 23rd, go downstairs and start wrapping Christmas gifts?

Anonymous said...

In "Through the Looking-Glass" the White Queen boasted to Alice that sometimes she had "believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

Clearly she was a type of Elijah Dave who boasts of having believed 53 impossible proofs before breakfast.

Elijah Dave is searching for himself in the wrong book.

Anonymous said...

The passage Pack refers to in Rom 11 is no doubt Rom 11.2-3

2 God did not reject his people, whom he foreknew. Don’t you know what Scripture says in the passage about Elijah—how he appealed to God against Israel: 3 “Lord, they have killed your prophets and torn down your altars; I am the only one left, and they are trying to kill me”

Pack says it was v 2, appealing to God against Israel, that was like him. More likely it was v 3, they are all trying to kill me, that struck a chord with him

So does Pack have a persecution complex? Probably ignoring him is the worst one could do to a person like him