LCG's Number One Chiropractor On The Tribulation

LCG Apologist extraordinaire, Chiropractor Bob is treading the same dangerous and silly waters his Master Spanky is treading.  Meredith has been making idiotic end time prophecies for decades.  Every single one of them has failed.  Chiropractor Bob's dates will be a failure too.

Barack Obama has a very difficult job, but probably will appear on the surface to be handling it, as the end (meaning the beginning of the Great Tribulation) is not likely to start before 2013 (as it cannot possibly start before 2012, per Daniel 9:27).

Embarrassed yet?

LCG Prophet Thomas Has The Perfect Remedy To Save Your Behind

LCG's latest prophet (since the abysmal failure of false prophet Spanky MerryDeath) has the perfect remedy on saving your life in the tribulation.

This is the one and only opportunity for the majority of Church of God members
to be selected to go to Jerusalem as a human Saint... Most of us (Not virgin)
have children, we had bowed or saluted a picture or a statue... and all of us
have not been true to God's Law... BUT: - adopting or purchasing a 12 year old
after the earthquake and First Wave Resurrection and teaching that child skills
and God's Law... We might then qualify as the owner to become the SEALED child's
servant.

And then once you have saved your self you get to do something really fun. You get to execute and cremate rebellious sinners!

It is difficult to understand why COG ministers are still looking for Two
Witnessws to appear today or soon... Or: how a minister might call himself,
herself or anyone living today - one of them...??? They do not do anything until
after Satan is released from the 1,000 year grave.

AND THE SEVENTH TRUMPET WARNING DOES NOT COME TO PASS UNTIL AFTER THE TWO
WITNESSES ARE RESURRECTED AND THE MILLENNIUM SAINTS ARE ALSO RESURRECTED... And
THAT number will be in the billions: being at least one sixth of the entire
millennium population...

200 Million Saint Gods will be taught how to control the new God Powers and
trained for an orderly return to the earth - first to execute and cremate about
2 billion criminals and then to heal and feed the about 2 billion survivours...
Giving each Saint God about 12 disciples each to nurture and teach the Kingdom
of God Gospel to; in this Jubilee Year...
Thomas:

Armstrongism is such a peaceful, grace filled religion..................................................

A New COG

Somone sent this to me the other day.  I have no idea where it is from.

Debunking British Israelism

I received a news alert today to a web site that is filled with videos and mp3's of people debunking British Israelism.  Anyone with any roots to Armstrongism knows that this is the fundamental doctrine of the church.  Without this teaching Armstrongism fails horribly. Even their stance on keeping Jewish Holy days is tied directly into this doctrine.

You can listen to Herb rant on and on if you are in a desperate need of a Herb fix.  There are also links to white supremacists using this doctrine and others.

I remember the days sitting in summer camp at Orr MN where we had to memorize the twelve tribes and who Herb said they were in the modern world.  BI was used for decades in the church as a subtle form of racism to keep blacks and Hispanics out of church office leadership rolls.

You still see it in use today in the various splinter cults when their leaders rage on and on about blacks and Hispanics.


British Israelism

Armstrongism's "Last Prophet" Speaks

If you thought Armstrongism couldn't get any stupider, along comes Thomas Gardner on the LCG Yahoo Group where he regularly posts his end time views.  I wonder how Spanky feels about being usurped by this guy?  Since every single one of Spankys prophecies have failed, I guess it is all up to Thomas now.

You would think that after all these years and the hundreds of failed prophecies of Armstrongite ministers these morons would learn to keep their mouths shut.  I am kind of glad these dingbats keep popping up.  It further discredits everything about Armstrongism.

I have copied his entire post with no additions or deletions.  Crazy is not even the word for it all!  If you are impressed you can buy his book on Amazon to line your birdcage with.

Chronicles of a Prophet: Revelation in Motion

IF IT HAPPENS IN 2011: It will be like this: --- AND:
This is what the world has; to look forward to… according to bible Prophesy.

Monday April 18 – Passover Day – All quiet
Tuesday April 19 – Begin Unleavened Bread – meet like normal

Sunday April 24 – Wave Sheaf – First Wave Resurrection of 200 million Saints
Jesus was able to say goodbye but not be touched… two in a field – one taken the
other left…

Some almost a million will be missed and reported mysteriously missing of
humanity alive...

200 million requires choosing about 2 humans per hour for 6,000 years…

Monday April 25 – End Unleavened Bread and
The Start: of several billion unselected Angels and Demons attacking against the
freshly resurrected Saint Gods and falling dead like thousands of figs when the
tree is shaken… looking like rain: a meteorite shower causing even brave men to
hide in caves and fall-out shelters.

Nineteen days of these dead angels falling to earth causing everyone hidden in
basements and shelters to be afraid to come out; will cause a lot of electrical,
communication, water supply and garbage collection failure… UNTIL: The
nineteenth day when satan is found, sliced in half and buried in the 1,000 year
sealed grave… Then people will begin to venture outside.

Six and a half billion people emerging from 19 days in hiding – thirsty, hungry,
cold, and still frightened will find empty grocery stores that have been smashed
into and cleaned out by unprepared people who got desperately hungry and thirsty
enough to make a mad dash to get anything…

It will take the next five months to get a few things organized in order to get
some electricity and other utility services turned back on… Meanwhile there are
a lot of terrorist people who have been waiting for just some unusual activity
like this as a sign for them to start their plan of action to reduce the number
of English speaking people they call infidels…

After the Fall Atonement (2011) there will have been enough terrorist activity
to make the world feel justified to carpet bomb the middle east and to spend the
next six years erasing the lives of suspected terrorists as far east as
Pakistan; south through the Holy Land and west into Africa --- With the military
leader voted "World Emperor" and he sets up his offices just outside of
Jerusalem in the new air-raid shelter being built there… right today.

The problem with any war and terrorist activity is that not only does the enemy
die – many soldiers and others defending themselves also die… Throughout the
seven years of Tribulation a third of the earth's population is prophesied to
die and be cremated on garbage dumps.

Some very obvious activity begins in the clouds of heaven as Atonement draws
near in the seventh year and it suddenly stops while Saint Gods single out and
seal for safety the 144,000 virgin teenage slaves and their 144,000 masters ---
that accomplished ---

God our Father continues to lead the 200 million into position around the world
and as sunset on the Day of Atonement in the Jerusalem area – [making it the Day
of Atonement the whole world over] – Jesus Christ has been bringing up the rear
guard and His company is assigned the Holy Land around Jerusalem area while the
rest of the 200 million have been stationed around the whole earth and oceans…
ready to return to help the innocent.

Claiming that the returning Jesus Christ is an invasion of extra-terrestrial
beings attacking from another planet in space: The Man of Lawlessness (Now voted
World Emperor) orders the attack just in time to be confronted by Jesus while
assuming to be safe in his impenetrable bomb shelter currently being built in
Jerusalem as looking at Christ standing before him he dies of fright before
being sliced in half and sent to be cremated on the local garbage dump…

The attack is simultaneous around the globe as humans try to kill the returning
Saint Gods and resulting in the death and cremation of a second third of earth's
population in a single hour…

Now a question: Who do you think is living in Jerusalem and the surrounding area
after the Man of Lawlessness the elected World Emperor with his military and
support staff move into the bomb shelter bunker and offices of the mayor ---
CRIMINALS right…???

When God the Father and Jesus Christ return: ---
What is going to happen to the mosques and other religious buildings filled with
statues and priests leading Sunday services and others in it for the money…???
What is going to happen to the statue of Liberty and other images throughout the
world…???

Just like the kings, queens, political leaders, military and the merchants
supplying support to the Emperor that have been cremated on garbage dumps in
their nearby cities – these monuments, buildings, statues and content will be
crushed and burned on the garbage dumps to show the surviving population that
every trace of these criminal liars is gone…

The 288,000 slave with master begin to arrive at Jerusalem… All the buildings
have been super cleansed by a spiritual fire that mopped up all the spilled
blood and left no trace that anyone had ever been there…. The Virgin former
slaves enter a training schedule for the next 50 years with their former masters
as servants and mentors for their future roll as administrators in the Universal
Kingdom of God some more than 1,150 years in the future…

2,400,000,000 human survivors divided by 200,000,000 Saint Gods of the family of
God means that each Saint God will have 12 disciples and the word of God will
indeed fill the whole world. These human survivors will have 9 years of this
direct contact with Christ's brothers and sisters in Saturday gatherings to be
fully informed when God offers the Covenant of Trumpets…

Today: being 2010 and the potential of 2011 being the potential of the First
Wave Resurrection of 200 million Saint Gods…

The Fall of 2018 becomes the earliest date for the return of Jesus Christ…

The Fall of 2027 becomes the earliest date for the Covenant of Trumpets and…

Astronomers predict a possible collision of a mountain size asteroid in 2028
with a mountain size trail of debris in a comet tail that could fall exploding
over the earth also… That parallels the Revelation description of a mountain
size meteor falling in an ocean causing the ocean waters to become thick like
blood of a dead man --- with a second exploding and falling in fragments in
areas outside of Jerusalem… polluting a third of all fresh water with wormwood.

By 2029 The world will be experiencing life on this planet with all green grass
burned, a third of the trees burned, ocean water the area similar in size to the
Pacific ocean like coagulated blood with a third of the ships and crew dead
along with all sea life where the ocean is affected… Along with that; a third of
all fresh water will be polluted with wormwood… The burning meteor plunging into
the ocean will cause a tidal wave that will wash away the coastland buildings
and anyone foolish enough to not seek higher ground and many islands will be
gone…

Then a third of the day will be darkened and a third of the night will be
without stars and without moonlight as well…

These conditions will be experienced in every area where the population refuses
to adopt the suggested way of life that is outlined in what we call the TEN
Commandments… Those living in the area around Jerusalem will be people who are
striving to live by the rules and they will not be affected by these conditions…
BUT: - Anyone charging too much for exported food and water will be sent away to
live in the troubled area with those who are desperate to have these.

Thomas, Last Prophet - Sept 11th study