Church of God Member Believes He Has Time Traveled Back To Ezekiel's Time and Brought Zombies Back To Life and Other Cool Stuff

Note:  Please read Dixon Cartwright's comment below in the comments section about the original article.  While it was apparently satire, Armstrongism is filled with people who actually believe and say this kind of silliness as fact.  It is no wonder so many took it at face value because of our history, which truly speaks volumes about the state of mind of many in the church.

The latest issue of The Journal is out and as usual it does NOT disappoint!  It is an eclectic mix of the extremes in Armstrongism; all looking to legitimize their group or selves.

This issue has a story by Bernie Mansalvo, from the Church of God Big Sandy.  He believes he has traveled back in time to be the faithful scribe to Ezekiel.

He writes:

Is time travel possible? Can events in the future be perceived by mere mortals? Conversely, can the the past be relived?

I believe it is not only possible but has happened. I have vividly imagined a conversation of thousands of years ago with one of my mentors in the ways of the Lord.

At the time there was no English language, only Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek and Babylonian, and yet we were able to communicate.

Ezekiel ben Buzi ben Adam did indeed time-travel, and I think I did too by picking up his first impressions. I was at the time Barnabas ben Monsalvo, Ezekiel’s faithful amanuensis.

Are there other events in the future waiting to be witnessed in our time? Can the past be probed?

Please, dear reader, you decide

He then goes on to describe floating in a chariot through the sky of the land of the Chaldean's until he arrived at the valley of the dry bones.  There, his chariot flew the distance of the valley, 30-40 miles, at about 15 feet above the bones.  The entire valley, through that entire distance, was all bones.

Then the "Lord" decides to speak to Bernie and calls him "The Son of Man."  This "Lord" asks Bernie, The Son of Man, "can these bones live?"  Bernie thought it was particularly cool that the "Lord" would speak so endearingly as to call him the Son of Man.

Bernie is then instructed to prophesy to the dried up bones:

“Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones: “Surely I will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live. I will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live. Then you shall know that I am the LORD.” 

Bernie, by being the Son of Man, was able to bring the bones back to life.  The only problem was that they were Zombies.  I kid you not!

Zombies for only a moment

The bones, now whole skeletons, began growing sinews and flesh. Skeletons became hideous zombie like creatures.

Then the zombies, in a twinkling of an eye, morphed into healthy, rosy human bodies.

They looked healthy, except that there seemed to be no breath in them. They were lying everywhere, even in piles. They seemed to be asleep, dormant, dead to the world

Then, the zombies started gaining muscle and skin.  While no longer zombies they were still naked. 

Then, all of a sudden, clothing started appearing on them.  Bernie's "Lord" said to breathe the breathe of life into them:

I blinked and notice that the bodies were beginning to seemingly magically acquire clothing. They had been naked. Now they were wearing attire: utilitarian, nothing fancy.

Then the LORD said to me: “Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, thus says the Lord GOD: ‘Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.’ 

Bernie then realized that the people coming alive before him were relatives from the village he supposedly grew up in, some of them maybe even great-great grandparents that had been able to cross through the Red Sea when the waters were divided.

I was surprised to find that I recognized some of the people, some who had been my teachers. Others were elders and instructors in my village. I wondered if I might meet my own great great-grandparents and hear firsthand what it was like to cross the Red Sea with Moses.

Bernie then began to speak on a thunderous voice to the multitude of revived zombies.  The "Lord" instructed him to take two sticks and write on them and then divide them into tribes.  Bernie then gets out his fountain pen and ink out and starts writing on the branches.

“As for you, son of man, take a stick for yourself and write on it: ‘For Judah and for the children of Israel, his companions.’ Then take  another stick and write on it, ‘For Joseph, the stick of Ephraim, and for all the house of Israel, his companions.’ Then join them one to another for yourself into one stick, and they will become one in your hand.”

Looking around at the trees, I found a couple of good-sized sticks. I peeled the bark and a neat white surface lay beneath. I found my pen and ink and wrote on each stick as I was told.

Then, these really, really cool revived people suddenly took upon themselves to appoint leaders who eagerly stared at Bernie waiting to see what he was writing on the sticks:

Some of the people who had recently  come alive had organized themselves and selected elderly spokesmen. The masses and their  spokesmen watched me intently.

Bernie then told these fascinated leaders that God was reuniting them as a people so they could live just as they did 2,000 years ago.  Imagine being resurrected back to life and then being told you had to go back 2,000 years in time to live in dirt and mud houses in the heat of the desert.  What a bitch!

I reminded the elders about God’s promise to reunite the 12 tribes so they could live as they lived when they first entered the Promised Land.

Then, in a typical Church of God fashion, Bernie exclaims what a privileged it will be to live UNDER the authority of King David.  No Jesus in this equation, but plenty of Hebrew heroes.

We will be one kingdom again, never to be defiled again by idols. God will gather His people from everywhere to restore them spiritually. He will fulfill His purpose for us: to be our God forever.

We will not be deceived again by false shepherds. We will have David again as our king: King David, the man after God’s own heart, the man forgiven of his trespasses and hideous sins before God.

Bernie then begrudgingly has to mention his "Lord."  Apparently it is Jesus, though he cannot say the name:

The elders were just beginning to understand what God was saying: that they would be given a new life, a new life under David and his princes, a new life under One Shepherd.

David will organize their nation while the LORD, our Shepherd, will guide us.

Bernie then adds:

In my whole experience today, the LORD told me several times that these people will know who their God is.

They will know Him as the God of miracles, a God who gives life, a God who conquers death, a God who as a loving Father provides an abundant table for His people. 

Bernie then ends his amazingly awesome message with this:

Was this a vision, a dream, a glimpse into the future?

As a priest, I knew I had to comfort my fellow Jews in captivity with this story. I resolved to sit down just now and write it all up.

God is real

I wouldn’t try to distinguish what was real and what was not. To me, everything was real.

The Eternal God is real to me. My relationship with Him is real.

The magnificent picture of millions of people from all nations coming back to life is real.

I’ll let my people know they have so much to look forward to.

May God speed that day when our people will have David as their king and the Lord GOD as the True Shepherd of Israel!

Got to get busy

I have no idea how everything I’ve witnessed, felt and rejoiced over will be delivered to the intended audience: the rest of the scattered children of Israel.

         That is a question for another time.

I must get busy writing it all up while I do my best to be faithful to the words of the LORD

All the Churches of God claim to be followers of Jesus, but he always gets put on the short bus around the Kingdom.  David, HWA, Flurry, Pack and others always get more credit and favor in God's sight than anything Jesus ever did on that lonely hill of Calvary.

Lest you believe that what I wrote above is all made up, you can read the entire story here.  Read it and be amazed or appalled.

Dennis Leap and the Catholic Church of God

Dennis Leap, that wild and whacky guy from the Philadelphia Church of God that likes his bicycle shorts, is back today with an article claiming his cult is keeping all the "biblical" holy days just as the apostles and Jesus did.

As usual though, he starts out Christian bashing, especially Catholics.  Here is what he said:

Here is the paradox with modern Christianity. While many seek to worship Jesus Christ and proclaim to follow Him, very few rely on the Bible as their sole source for doctrine and religious observances. One denomination claiming 1.2 billion members considers its “sacred traditions” equal to or greater than the Bible. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, “As a result the Church, to whom the transmission and interpretation of Revelation is entrusted, ‘does not derive her certainty about revealed truths from the holy Scriptures alone. Both Scripture and Tradition must be accepted and honored with equal sentiments of devotion and reverence.’” Catholic Church history proves that its “sacred traditions” have always trumped what the Bible says.

What he actually described is exactly what Armstrongism has done for well over 70 years now.  It places tradition above what Jesus Christ and the New Covenant is all about.

What Leap really said was:

Here is the paradox with modern Armstrongism. While many seek to worship Jesus Christ and proclaim to follow Him, very few rely on the Bible as their sole source for doctrine and religious observances. Our Church of God denomination, claiming less than 20,000 members, considers its “sacred traditions” equal to or greater than the Bible: The Mystery of the Ages, Herbert W. Armstrong, and God's most important men, Gerald Flurry and David C. Pack. “As a result the Church of God, to whom the transmission and interpretation of Revelation is entrusted, ‘does not derive her certainty about revealed truths from the holy Scriptures alone. Both Scripture and Tradition must be accepted and honored with equal sentiments of devotion and reverence.’” Armstrongite Church history proves that its “sacred traditions” have always trumped what the Bible says.

Eric King Has The TRUE Understanding On How The Earth Was Formed

Eric King has a new article up where he claims to have the TRUE knowledge regarding the age of the earth and its formation.   The Story of Our Planet ~ By Eric W. King

This is a very interesting work written by Mr. E.W.King. It starts 13.7 billion years ago and walks us up to our present period of time in earth’s history. This is a must read for those who want to know the real story about our planet. Read with prayer and share with others. Mr. E.W.King completed this work on October 30^th 2013. Thank you. ~ COGSR/SOCT Staff-

I have written short papers regarding the “first earth age” and I have given a basic outline of events regarding the re-creation of this planet some 6000 plus years ago but I have not written many details in my past articles regarding this most fascinating subject. It is very important to understand the history of our planet. In this work I will try and give many more details and a chronological outline of events starting from the creation of our universe some 13.7 billion years ago.

Ron Weinland: Jesus Will Return Pentecost 2014, If Not Then, the Next Year, Then the Next Year, Then the Next Year, and So On....

Convicted felon and splinter cult leader, Ron Weinland displays his circular thinking regarding his failed prophecies.  It is the same method Armstrong used and of which Pack and Meredith still use.  If it does not happen this year, it will happen next year, if not then, then the following year, then the following year, then the following year, then the following year.....

As people in God’s Church are struggling right along with the rest of the world under growing economic strains, we all need to plan ahead as wisely as possible in all facets of our life. God has revealed that our spiritual focus is from Pentecost to Pentecost. Although we deeply yearn for Christ’s coming this Pentecost of 2014, he may not return on this date. If he does not return on this Pentecost, we will begin looking to the following Pentecost for his possible return, and so on.