From a reader....
GCI Update: Points to Ponder,
in the style of Jeff Foxworthy
-- Putting the fun in dysfunction…
and the turd in liturgical (even tho there is no “d”) --
You might not be a real church….
1. …..if your “congregation” functions like a small group with high levels of interaction and sharing of the leadership/facilitation role, as opposed to a well-planned and executed worship service. If you’ve got people speaking in tongues and blurting out random “prophecies,” then you may need to reel in the chaos and re-order your worship services.
2. …..if your primary worship service is on Saturday. Lord knows that strong, vibrant and growing churches do NOT meet on Saturdays! If you’re still trying to glorify God by meeting on Saturdays, then you need to get a freaking clue.
3. …..if your church meets at an awkward time of day. Meeting at 2:30 PM or some other weird time will require a course correction since God does NOT honor worship services set at awkward times!
4. …..if your church gathers in a hall that is difficult to locate and out of the flow of normal activity. Meeting in a small, dark room at the back end of “Billy Bob’s Tavern” is probably not the best venue for attracting potential church-goers in your community.
5. ….if you are renting space in a church building owned by another denomination, but there is no prominent sign displayed with your church’s name. Any congregation that meets in a “Church of Religious Science” building, for example, should expect to attract tons of people if you just put up a freaking identifying sign.
6. ….if you have a rotating speaking schedule with multiple preachers. What this means is that you are likely in “maintenance mode,” lacking cohesive leadership and vision for your church. The lead pastor should preach a minimum of three times per month, and it is even better if they preach five out of six weeks and genuflect as often as possible.
7. …..if your lead pastor also fills the role of chief deacon, then the members need to step up. No lead pastor should ever be caught doing deaconly things like setting up chairs, greeting people as they walk in the door, handing out bulletins and other such nonsense. Tell the lazy-ass lay members to pick up the slack!
8. …..if you have worship leaders who are not musically gifted. Anyone who cannot carry a tune in a bucket, is tone deaf or does not play a musical instrument well, should not participate in your music ministry. Having NO singers or musical instruments is better than having bad ones! You can always put on a CD, after all.
9. …..if your weekly worship service is structured in accordance with GCI’s past tradition. It’s time for a “come to Jesus” meeting if your worship service still has a sermonette and announcement followed by a sermon…especially if you’re still meeting on Saturdays. Go ahead and have those difficult conversations, by telling your leadership team they suck. Just say NO to Saturday-worship and old HWA traditions once and for all! You’ll be glad you did!
