Saturday, June 1, 2013

Dave Pack: With All Competition Soon Gone God Will FINALLY Be Able To Do His Work!!!!!!!!!!



What a weak, impotent, pussy-whipped god it is that Dave follows.  The poor thing just cannot get his work done because of all the interfering splinter group leaders out there.  Why won't they just go away!!!!!!!!!!!! Never fear though, SuperD is here!. 

With the soon coming demise of the three large splinter group leaders, SuperD comes to the rescue!

With ALL competition gone, The Restored Church of God will be the instrument through which Almighty God does “again” the Work accomplished under Mr. Armstrong’s leadership—and will thus be the only organization finishing God’s Work. May God help you see your potential role in this effort. Some in the “houses” have read these Friday announcements and already come with us as a direct result. (In fact, we just grew in numeric attendance by a greater amount in May than the United Church of God announced it grew in the last 12 months.) Do not miss your chance to be part of what God is doing. And do not miss next week’s announcement! It is every bit as exciting as this one.

Yes Davey, we know.  It's all about numbers.  You are SuperDave after all.

15 comments:

Douglas Becker said...

No one in Armstrong has ever done God's work.

If you are speaking of Satan... on the other hand....

Douglas Becker said...

Oh great, SuperAbuse.

Anonymous said...

Dave really is saying...

"Don't miss your chance. If you act now you will get priviledged seating on the Titanic."

Although Titanic is being generous. More like a seat on the Challenger.

I'd like to see the other COG's publish a public "hell no Dave" on
their intentions and shut him up with reality

Head Usher said...

But Dave, what if we didn't find this week's announcement exciting?

I think I know what is going on here. I think I've figured out the "truth".

Each of the splinter organizations actually worships a totally different "god." And with the multiplication of COG gods through the division of COG organizations, the "Hall of Justice" has gotten very crowded and boisterous. These different COG gods are crowded into a palace that was only intended for one god. There are so many of them in such a small space that none of them can get any work done. They're always in each other's way. This is why none of the organizations can get any "work" done.

But Dave's god's gotta plan and he's workin' it. He wants to become the supreme COG dictator god. He wants to get rid of all the other COG gods so he can finally get some work done. But he can't just kill them. The only way to get rid of them is to get rid of all the other COG organizations full of the people worshiping all those other COG gods. As long as one human being worships a particular COG god, then he will still be there, weak, but still taking up precious work space, getting in the way.

Dave's god wants you to stop worshiping those other COG gods and start worshiping him, or else none of the gods will ever be able to get any work done.

Douglas Becker said...

Good point.

Since he is causing divisions, he should be marked by all the other ACoGs and disfellowshipped to be turned over to Satan (though that might be redundant) for the destruction of the flesh that his mental state might be saved.

That and $6.50 might get you a cappuccino, nevertheless, it is a moral imperative!

Best thing: Everyone leave him and pay him no attention at all -- there's no cure for narcissism, but isolating him would be good treatment... for the rest of us.

Anonymous said...

"Don't miss next weeks exciting announcement...same bat shit channel...more bat shit theology"

Bat S. Hit

Anonymous said...

LOL. James Malm doesn't even have a church yet, and already he's had his first split. What was going to be the James Malm feast site is now going to be his former feast planner Larry Hardison's feast site. I wonder how many of James' followers he'll steal? Half? Which is what, about 10 people?

Lake of Fire Church of God said...

Humpty Herbert sat on the wall;

Humpty Herbert had a great fall;

All of Dave Pack's internet resources, and all of Dave Pack's "yes men"

couldn't put Herbert's Worldwide Church of God back together again!

Thank you!

Richard

P.S. - Just send money and contributions to the Lake of Fire Church of God. Label your checks the all important "Building Fund".


Byker Bob said...

I am just ecstatic that I get to tithe to organizations where the leaders brag about Father God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit rather than about themselves, their building program, their titles, their website, their ever failing prophecies, their attachment to HWA, their 18 supposedly restored truths, or being the only place where God works and lives.

Pepe Le Pew, of course, then wonders why people don't beat a path to his door. Now, apparently, God is incapable of doing his work through multiple avenues or arms, He's got to kill off competitive groups of believers to do it??? That logic does not come from the Holy Spirit, folks!

BB

Anonymous said...

Why only the late Friday announcements? If that's all the Super Apostle can produce in a week's time, then the Flurry regime has no real competition that's worth mentioning.

Pack can only dream of putting his feet on Flurry's walnut desk.

Byker Bob said...

Pack is in the wrong line of work, the problem being that he just doesn't know it yet.

Many people have commented in the past that if one ACOG group seemed to be breaking away from the pack (pun intended?), or appeared particularly blessed, or seemingly had special doors open to them, aimless, listless splinter group members would probably be drawn to that group, assuming that God was working through it. Pack, via profuse bragging, is attempting to make his church, and himself, appear to be that breakaway group.
We've heard testimony from some of his ex-members regarding Dave's exaggeration, inflation of numbers, and the super hype with which he spikes his efforts. I believe most Armstrongites are sophisticated enough that this is not hidden to them.

Plus, Dave has a history, and too many negatives to be a big draw. There are numerous independents, or non-aligned ones, who believe that Armstrongism presented correct doctrines regarding the sabbath, holy days, clean and unclean meats, and tithing, but corrupted it all with intolerable and intrusive authority, extrabiblical theories, and financial abuse. Such people have problems with groups which are light-handed and even somewhat accountable in their exercise of authority, so it would be difficult to imagine them flocking to RCG.

Here is yet another tragic figure who can't possibly improve the quality of an aspiring Christian's life. He'll probably ensnare some, but remember, the largest percentage of WCG members were transient. They found out what it was really all about, and did what all of us should have done, they left!

BB

Anonymous said...

Sorry for commenting on the wrong post before...

RCG "grew in numeric attendance by a greater amount" in May than UCG in 12 months. Is amount a percentage or a number?
(Relevant: http://xkcd.com/1102/)

Anonymous said...

IIRC, there was a tongue-in-cheek superhero named "SuperDave"...

I don't remember if he also wore the tight shorts superhero costume like the Packinator is known for.

But, if only Davey Pack could take himself less seriously and laugh at himself, he just might step up to "SuperDave" status.

Joe Moeller said...

I respect "Super Chicken" "Mighty Mouse" "Atomic Ant" and "Underdog" more than I do "Super Dave".

Joe Moeller
Cody, WY

Anonymous said...

Joe, You may think those sleazy lying assholes who created the church known as the United Church of God are superheroes, but the reality is that they are sleazy lying assholes!

None of them has the respect of God that "Super Chicken" "Mighty Mouse" "Atomic Ant", "Underdog" or "Super Dave" does.

Joe, word on the street is that the UCG's Dennis Luker has developed a character named, "Supercow", a magical Zambian cow who flys around bringing back all the ministers(which were half of the UCG's ministers) from their evil departure into the 'Church of God, a Worldwide Association'

"Supercow" is udderly fantastic and will bring all of God's children back to the UCG - THE CHURCH THAT HAS A BIG PICTURE OF HWA ON THEIR WALL AT THEIR HEADQUARTERS!