Dennis On: "Well, That Was Stupid..."

buy your own shirt here:

Well, That Was Stupid...

Last week I broke my own rule.  "Whenever  you have a choice between the thinking in your head about something and the feeling in your stomach about it, your stomach is telling you the truth."

It was just minutes before a couples massage session with another therapist. This was the chocolate covered strawberries, champagne and cozy fireplace kind of session.  Actually it's not all that cozy as four people and a burning fireplace (Kerosene) sucks up most of the oxygen in a few minutes and I don't remember much about the session!  Anyway, it looks nice.

The fireplace was out of kerosene so in a room that only lights up so much, I  filled it.  Actually, I must have overfilled it unknown to myself.  Something told me, as I pointed the igniter at the grate not to pull the trigger.  I had no reason not save for the reasoning’s in my head and the feeling in my stomach.  I pulled the trigger.....

Poof!   Now the floor is on fire. The wall is on fire. The decorative Christmas tree on the bench is on fire.  And i am on fire.  Funny how you can block out stuff for the sake of the great good.  I grabbed the tree to get it out of the room and the faster I went the more the flames came back on my hands. 

The tree went out. The smothering of the fire worked. And my hands were really really red, but it seemed ok.   We moved the clients to another room (they didn't see what happened) and did the massage session. 

As the hour went by my hands really were hurting more and more.  Trapping them between the client's back and the table made it much worse as the heat from my hands was trapped.  I got through it and went home.

Over the week my fingers went numb on the ends and turned white in places.  No blisters meant I avoided 2nd degree burns but alas, now the blistering starts. It just took some time.  But they are healing and I did everything I knew to do to get through the process.  Well not everything.  I  skipped the doctor part because I have no insurance so I asked myself, "What would Tecumseh do?  And just took care of business myself.  But it is healing and it is interesting to see that in every disappointment, accident, mistake, trial, goof up, misunderstanding, stupid idea and stuff that makes up our own story along the way, healing does occur.  Sometimes shortly and sometimes over much more time, but it does come for most.

I lost the love of my life partly because of "you're stuck in the past."  I can't deny that but have chosen not so much to be stuck but to help others, including myself get unstuck by taking a good look at the whole experience.  It was taking too long. 

I believe some have been helped by my not just walking away as if it never happened.  But I mourn the personal loss which has left me learning another lesson I still have trouble going into.  Now I am somewhat stuck in another kind of past.  I wonder if it ever ends?  I have learned that alone and me do not get along. I have the kind of heart that seems to need to share it with someone who half understands me, but I digress.

The stages of loss and trauma are well known. 

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
2. PAIN & GUILT-
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
5. THE UPWARD TURN
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

Recover-From-Grief.com

First we go into denial that what is or has happened , has really happened.  When I saw the fire spread, I went blank for a second or two and heard myself call myself a name.  That didn't last long because i had to move and solve the immediate problem.  But denial is not so easy.  I was in denial for years over all the WCG drama.  My prayer was simply,  "May God bless and keep the Administration and Most ministers far away from me."  And for the most part it worked...until it didn't. 

Many Christians are in denial of many things.  The  delay of or non- existence of the Second Coming, their own mortality, that tithing does not come back to you as advertised, that ministers really do get whacky and their getting to give the sermons does not mean they speak the truth etc.  Those older in the faith and having lived a life of "we who are alive and remain," simply can't imagine they simply will die like billions before them.  It's not easy to face these things. 

Next comes the pain and guilt.   Plenty of that to go around for sure and if anyone can be the monkey on one's own back, it is me.  Pain you can't help.  Guilt is useless (I did a bad thing,) as is shame, (I am a bad person).  Bells can be unrung.  However, this does not mean they will easily let you go.  I still have an issue or two that are so painful and guilt producing, I want to scream.  So scream, see if it helps!

A simple and heartfelt "please forgive me" will not fix anything because the answer is "no" or "I forgive you, but...."   That but is a big but.

Anger and Bargaining.  Oh, plenty of that to go around.  Anger keeps us stuck until somehow we feel we have experienced all we can stand and see it does not really serve us.  Bargaining is the , "if I do this and never do that, we can fix this right?"  Wrong most of the time.  People or the gods aren't that easily swayed. It never seems to cross their minds they need to be forgiven for a few things as well.  I find the solution to the enigma of forgiveness not feeling all that helpful is simply giving up the need to forgive.  I don't need to forgive anyone anymore and perhaps they don't have to forgive me either.

Depression, Reflection and Loneliness.  Ugh...this is a tough one. Some days are diamonds and some days are stone when it comes to these topics.  Medication is not the answer to issues not faced.  I forbid myself from buying a gun "to protect myself in case society collapses," knowing full well I had my moments where I no longer cared about many things or couldn't "figure out," how things could work out. Who can?   The reflection part is why I write and the loneliness part is what I suffer as if you could not tell.  It's what everyone feels depending on their story

The last three are the "you're on your way stage" and what take time to get to. It would be nice if we could just will ourselves into healing but these burns are going to heal in their own time and in the proper order for such things. 

It's all a process and there are times where you can even fall back from one to the last one you thought you had seen enough of.  But let this well known process work it's miracle.  Where are you stuck in all this?  What part can't you get past?  It's ok. It's just how it works and time does heal not that you won't have some scarring.

Whatever 2012 has in store I'm pretty sure it will be nuts.  Life does what it does with or without us so relax if you can.  It's all just a story. We all have one.  

Burns heal. Skin grows. Nerves feel again.  The wisdom of the body should show us how to view the wisdom in our hearts. 

Dennis C. Diehl
DenniscDiehl@aol.com

God Hates Christmas Lights and Ashtrays

My favorite ultra conservative HWA worshiping site is at it again on Yahoo.  This time it's about the "spirit world."  Mind you, some of these are the "good" spirits that God uses to scare the crap out of you so you stop being a wretched sinner.  There is also one that is obviously demonic to him too. This guy has God intervening in his life by stealing Christmas lights off his light strings, then God throws them into the street to warn him to stop keeping Christmas.  Then God smashes his ash tray to make him stop smoking. More magical thinking about a god they need to imagine that does special things just for them since they are the select few in the world.

   I wonder how many of you have had experiences from the spirit world! Way back when my wife and I were first married, we had been living with my wife`s widowed grandmother for several months when we decided to buy our own home. We were both working for the same factory where we had met and we heard of this two and one half story house that was being settled by the heirs of the old woman that had died in that house and had been vacant for several months. The purchase price was $10,500 and we paid the $500 for the down payment and borrowed the rest.

  We would go to our newly purchased house in the evenings for house cleaning since it was in bad shape because of that woman`s age being unable to properly care for it. We would clean till late at night and then would shut off all of the lights. The next night, we found the light on on the floor lamp which I was sure that I had turned off. Then before leaving I made certain sure to shut off all lights. Then the next day, the *cellar* lights were on. This happened several times and then I felt that someone else had a key to that place and so I got a very thin wire to wire the three entrances to see which one was being used for entry. None of those wires were broken, so it had to be coming from within!! The problem finally stopped.

  Then when we were called into the truth and instructed that we need to get rid of all religious stuff from our walls and I didn`t believe that to be necessary and I left this only one item hanging on the wall. I had it hanging on the wall with a nail with a very large head on it to insure it not to fall! Then the next morning I found it on the carpet in pieces!! That thing was made with hard, thick, ceramic type stuff that could not break and especially when landing on the carpet!! It would likely take a hammer to break it!!

  Then at Christmas time I had put strings of lights on the shrubbery of the house and then the thieves would come and steal the bulbs. So we worked wiring the bulbs to the sockets. Then the next night, since they couldn`t unscrew the bulbs, they literally ripped the entire strings of bulbs off of the shrubs and strewn across the street. We finally got God`s messages!!!

   Then when called into the Church, I had a smoking problem and each time the minister and his assistant would come to the house to see how I was doing, I still had not quit and this went on for three years. I had smoked two packs a day for twenty years and was totally addicted. Then this one day, after the minister had left, my wife called me for dinner and as I was asking the blessing, we heard glass breaking from the living room, where I had been sitting, and this very thick astray that I had been using was in pieces!!! Then I was told, "I believe that God is trying to tell you something." I finally broke the habit after our minister, Mr. Bryce Clark told me that If I have to chain myself to the bed, I must quit smoking, and he made me quit before allowing me to attend services. Some thought that he was a bit harsh, but I credit him with not only saving my physical life but my spirit life as well. I could never have quit otherwise. We had been observing all of the Holy days, the weekly Sabbath, as well as tithing all of those three years, then with God`s help, I finally made it though I still craved a cigarette for five years after.

  Then one year at the feast at Niagara Falls, we were all packed packed up and was leaving and was in the outside lane of traffic this guy came barreling out of the mall and instead of staying in the inside lane, he came crashing on across into our lane and smashing against the side of our car and caused me to go over the curb. I tried chasing him because of the damage to our car but he sped away before I could catch him. I pulled off at the nearest exit to check the damage and to report it to the Niagara Falls police but after stopping and checking our car, there was not even scratch. As hard as he hit the side of our car, I couldn`t believe it!! It had to have been an angel of God who had protected us!!

  There have been other times that I can recall when we were protected by God, but this is getting quite lengthy!!

Idiots in the Pulpit: Mark Davidson - Torah Institute Attempts To Discredit Christmas

The Six Foot.....

If you had any thought that Armstrongites were the only ones who  would go to great lengths to discredit Christmas you are mistaken.  Below is a video of an idiot that surpasses even the weirdest Armstrongite.  Of course Armstrongites agree with this guy as further proof on the paganism involved in Christmas.  This was on a Facebook COG board.  It is a Messianic cult that preaches a lot of legalistic silliness that some Armstrongite's want to cling to.