Dennis On: "What If...."

What If...?

What if it was ok if all the members or ministers in any COG didn't all speak the same thing?

What if gentleness, goodness, meekness, kindness and longsuffering was taught and displayed more than the unknowable meanderings of prophecy?

What if the minister had a servant personality instead of a Plantation Owner mentality?

What if "give as you are able," was all one ever heard from the Pastor or the Church Organization?

What if the lowest priority of a Church was a building program?

What if you could look your Pastor in the eye and tell him "that was the most far fetched view of scripture I have ever heard?"

What if the Pastor laughed at himself when he gave such sermons and was called out on it?

What if some of the membership really had a more balanced view of scripture than the minister?

What if it was not permitted for the Pastor to use the words "soon," "in our lifetime," "gun lap," or "soon coming...."  in any sermon?

What if a member could tell the Pastor he'd take his advice under advisement ?

What if you were able to make your own decisions about living your life even though the Pastor felt the decisions he makes in his life are more correct?

What if you messed up and had a Pastor who could freely admit "I messed up too," and had a good laugh together?

What if members gave up on the idea of becoming "perfect or mature as God is perfect," and just did the best they could under the circumstances?

What if it was ok to get to church or the Festivals as best you could without fear of being a slackard?

What if it didn't matter what Adam, Abraham, David, Solomon, the Prophets, or any real or imagined character in the Old Testament did or didn't do thousands of years ago?

What if a COG Organization did not have to spend so much energy and time trying to convince others they were the one true Church?

What if numbers and statistics didn't matter and were proof of nothing?

What if the leadership of Grace Community International apologized for reckless theological games and realized the damage and doubt brought to the minds of tens of thousands was more than the sweetness brought to the hundreds left over.

What if "I am sincerely sorry for the pain caused," and "I was wrong," were ok concepts for the minister to utter from time to time.

What if advertisers of religious perspectives did not have to scream in red print at you from the pages of the Journal?

What if any minister who declared himself a Prophet, Apostle, Watcher or Witness , out of the blue and without due process and proof was bounced out on his ass or asked to get some counseling?

What if a member could freely sit through a sermon and be ok with telling themselves this particular sermon is boring, crazy, weird or egocentric and probably not true as presented.

What if a member could utter the words, "Please don't tell me, us, my family, my wife, my kids what to do or how to be."

What if you had a minister that said, "I have come to see that things are not exactly as I always thought them to be..."

What if you had a minister who understood the background, context, origins, intent and story behind the scriptures?

What if science was not "falsely so called." 

What if all the COGs could say, "Let's face it, we have allowed some pretty weird personalities to tell us what to do and how to be and perhaps have not understood the Bible as it was intended to be understood."

What if everyone understood the Bible is not inerrant or perfect and you really can't be 100% God and 100% Man in any way anyone can imagine.

What if we all laughed at those who sound and act like they understand the above concept evolved over hundreds of years to plug the holes in other questions raised over time.

What if the COGs understood the concept you can never make a scripture mean what it never meant.

What if pious conviction with marginal information was not how a COG wanted to present it's views?

What if you didn't "send it in," or wouldn't "send it in" until or unless you were confident it would not be misused, wasted or stashed away by the Pastor?

What if everyone roared with laughter when the Pastor wanted to build another college or House for God knowing how big the Universe is?

What if the words, "I was wrong,"  "I didn't know,"  "I have no background in that,"  "I see the problem,"  "I know I tend to be...",  "I have made (and list them) mistakes in my life,"  "I am sorry...",  "I apologize",   "What do you think we should do..?",  "I don't know the answer to that..."

What if perfect love actually cast out fear and like Rodney King, we could all wonder why we can't get along?

What if all the COGs never again allowed ONE Minister, Pastor or Self Appointed human being to tell them how it all is as if they really knew?

What if...

1 Corinthians 13

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

...was really true in the COGs or on the planet?

Whew......now that's back on track!

 

Amen.....

Dennis C
DenniscDiehl@aol.com

Dennis On: Faith Without Anxiety is Dead

Faith Without Anxiety is Dead

To write or not to write?  That is the question.  I find myself in a bit of a quandary over whether to address this topic of post-WCG anxiety.  I strongly suspect it to be a great part of the experience that many have when leaving the comfortable confines of friends, church and the comfort one gets from knowing how all of life will turn out for you.  I could have never imagined the existential anxiety that is generated from the loss of religious belief and faith.  I do now.  

Evidently, I did not invent this.

Lynn Min

"Spirituality can make a significant difference in sufferers of anxiety. There exist numerous studies indicating that religious people are less likely to become anxious than their nonreligious counterparts.

In 1993, researcher Harold Koenig studied the relationship between religious involvement and anxiety in 2,969 individuals. He found that young and middle-aged individuals who attended church at least once a week were significantly less likely to have anxiety-related disorders than those who did not attend church regularly. Devotional activities such as prayer and Bible study were associated with lower incidence of agoraphobia and other forms of anxiety. Regular church attendance was also correlated with lower levels of anxiety.

Anxiety can be viewed holistically. Their beginnings manifestations are not simply psychological, physiological, or social. It is the interaction of all of the above, plus the spiritual.  Consider the following example of the spiritual component of anxiety. Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl pointed out the type of anxiety which follows from the belief that one's life has lost its meaning. In other words, if I begin to believe that my life is without purpose, the result can be anxiety. While the resulting anxiety is coined a psychological disorder, the root of it lies in the deep spiritual search for life’s meaning. "

 I am writing this while having yet another round of the anxiety that seems a genuine tendency for me personally as a result of the loss of faith, friends and fellowship along the way.  I could be smarter perhaps and keep it to myself and just get through, but what is the use of a common experience if you don't share it.  I am quite able to blow off the advice I know is out there to "come back to Jesus,"  or "you're problem is...."  I cannot help how I feel nor can I help the conclusions I have drawn, for now, over this entire WCG fiasco.  


My only choice seems to be does it dominate the rest of my life, or can I find a safe place to file it all away as just another experience meant to teach and take one further on a more genuine life journey?  The impression of being stuck has hurt personal relationships and probably contributed to the loss of friends and contact.  I also can't seem to help that as stuck is stuck and it would probably be obvious when unstuck has become the norm again.  

I find I don't find comfort in teachings I doubt or in history that is not presented as it really was or is.  I am not inspired by those who are so sure the Bible is without errors or contradictions knowing they refuse to even look at what the problems might be.  That behavior, common in the COG perspectives , simply does not work for me.  I know how COG ministers think and I know how little study outside the acceptable box they do.  I also know current COG ministers and frankly, a number of other minister types who freely admit, to me, their skepticism and realizations, but you would not know it when you hear them preach or write.  I have heard the phrase "I know that is true, but I will lose my job," more than once from these men.   There are two of them, the one inside and the one they show, and their church only sees the one they present to them.  They also seem much less inclined toward anxiety living in two worlds instead of picking one.  Something does not have to be true either literally or at all to keep the beast of anxiety at bay.  All it takes in belief that it is so, even it it isn't.

For example, I have always had a problem with prayer.  Oh I know the should's and must's of it all, but it was always difficult for me.  I always had a sneaking suspicion that I was just talking to myself.  I did a lot of it though.  But then I realized how sincere the prayers of the people of faith are when they find themselves in harms way and beg God to save them and they die some horrible death.  I wonder what a Christian in Somalia feels when they get a gasoline filled tire hung around their neck and they know what's coming or have to dig their own grave while soaking in gasoline.  I know they are begging God to help them and there is no help coming...ever.  I have buried a lot of children who inspite of "Their Angels do always watch over them," are quite dead and no Angel showed up in time. Then I think how stupid my asking for a calm spirit or a bit more security in this or that area of life really must sound to a real Deity who neither helped the poor soul in Somalia begging for mercy or saved the child leaving muddy hand prints along the edge of the pool trying to get out.  I just think like that and it does indeed fuel an anxiety that simple faith, justified or not, seems to keep at bay.

I think the world needs its skeptics to keep those who use critical thinking in what they accept into their beliefs honest.  I say critical thinkers because frankly I knew few if any among my ministerial peers.  I read some of the articles they write to inspire their current followers and just shake my head over whether or not they really believe what they say or are just on auto-pilot saying what they are used to saying or are expected to say.  A recent update from LCG showing how pet store pythons left to grow big and eat the animals in the Everglades relates to prophecy is a great example of this silly kind of connections that are almost unbearable to read. I suppose runaway cudzu is also a sign that time is short.

So here I sit and spin out an anxious, which really a somewhat fearful, chemistry.  Perhaps the price of knowledge is anxiety.  I know it is a byproduct. I felt ever so much more safe in the group.  No matter what happened, I had hundreds of friends there to answer the call.  We all had each other. We all believed the same thing,  and whether it was right or wrong did not matter.  Shared errors. if never looked at, are comforting.

Critics will use the fact that those who press ahead and aren't easily sold the ideas of others having anxiety as proof that they are outside of the grace and plan of the Deity.  I don't believe that either.  If we left everything up to the church, we'd still be in the Dark Ages.  Progress is fueled by inquiry and even the anxiety caused by just standing still, or getting stuck perhaps.  If everything is totally comfortable, where is the need or motivation  to learn anything else or examine what the current belief is?  Belief is not the same as truth, but ever so much more comforting.  Is not passivity, compliance and "whatever you say," the dream state for the one man religious show to get his followers in?  I simply cannot do it.  I felt this disturbance often at the Feast when other ministers gave their standard sermons and everything in me was saying,  "and you know this?" or "yeah, yeah, fine...can you speed this up?"  My bad.

So now, during the course of writing this  (I am at school with the occasional student wanting to talk to me), I feel the anxiety lifting.  Writing off loads it for me as does talk with a patient and understanding friend.  I love study and learning the things I was never told either because they weren't known or were but not spoken.  I can only take my journey.  The Universe is beyond huge. In the scheme of things we are just one of billions of galaxies each containing millions of life yielding planets.  Quantum physics and cosmology informs us that reality is not what you think it is and we may just be one grape on a cluster  of many universes in one local vineyard.  Paleontology informs us that evolution is generally true and the mythology of Adam and Eve is merely that.  I kinda knew this all my life but now we know more than at anytime in the history of humans, we are conscious hairless apes with an amazing past.  This does not preclude the existence of a Deity, but perhaps does the cultic one of the OT.  While fundamentalists will argue for the mythologies of the Bible being literally true, they are not.  While the stories have a meaning, it is not related to literal origins of everything from the Grand Canyon, language or conscious humanity.  

So the price of breaking free seems to be a round or two of lonely, bouts of anxiety and a smattering of with  at times for good measure as meaning takes a hit. .  I suspect this is the normal progression in the lives of those that are seeking rather than judging everyone based on what they feel they have found and no longer need to let any new information in to rain on their parade.   That approach, in spite of the anxiety produced in not clinging to fables, myths and hearsay as being literally true or comforting is simply no longer acceptable or an option.  I cannot unring the bell of  skepticism formed by my WCG experience or the facts that I have let in to inform me on theology and religion.  If I could do it again...well I wouldn't have.

Thank you for listening...

Dennis C
DenniscDiehl@aol.com

LCG Sees Propehcy At Work In Everglades

Leave it a COG to find prophecy fulfilled from Pet shop rejects

02/05/2012 a.m. Here is the latest Living Church of God World Ahead Weekly Update from Rod McNair. It mentions changes in Europe, TW in French magazine, Passover, Church survey, Living Youth programs, Feast registration, upcoming new Feast website, world news items, and comments about face-to-face time.

Here is one of the world news items:

Too Many Hungry Pythons. Burmese pythons were introduced into the Florida Everglades in the 1980s. They escaped from captivity and pet owners also dump them when they become too large to keep. The pythons are prolific and can grow to more than 15 feet long (5 meters) and weigh 150 pounds (75 kg). A new Davidson College study reveals rapidly declining populations of indigenous Everglade mammals (e.g., raccoons, deer, opossum, and others), by more than 90% since the late 1990s. Researchers believe the skyrocketing python population is to blame. New research demonstrates that salt water, once thought to be a barrier that confines snakes to the swamp, is really no barrier. Some experts believe the pythons could expand their habitat throughout much of the Southeastern U.S. (FloridaToday.com, January 31, 2012). The Everglades directly border Miami resident ial neighborhoods. What could happen when pythons run out of native species to eat? The Bible identifies some sobering events that will occur at the end of the age. The Apostle John wrote of the fourth seal, the “pale horse,” that will result in the death of one quarter of the earth’s population, by the sword (war), hunger, and the beasts of the earth (Revelation 6:7-8). Jeremiah’s prophecy adds more detail, highlighting how birds and beasts of the earth will “devour and destroy” (Jeremiah 15:2-4). Florida’s pythons could be one tool that God eventually uses to bring these prophecies to pass. For more information, review our booklet: Revelation: The Mystery Unveiled!

Dennis

Dennis On: "The Joy-Filled Kingdom of Men"

The Joy-Filled Kingdom of Men

I'm not so sure I'd enjoy being ruled by the fundamentalist or theologically challenged Christians I know. They just know that they, the true true saints, will rule the world under Jesus Christ. This makes me nervous and I'm not so sure it will be source of my never ending joy realized when Jesus returns to rule us all with a "rod of iron." 


Somehow the use of seminars, luncheons and field trips never seems to dawn on Jesus or God as a way to better teach us poor ignorant slobs. I respond much better to genuine information and question asking. I'm just not sensing much that questions will be tolerated but rather we'd all be given a loose leaf binder with all the questions already answered..end of discussion. 


It is my hope the Rod of Iron thing is made up by the men who love to rule with such things. In becoming as little children, you'd think rods of iron would be prohibited as an acceptable way to solve problems and teach truth. I know, there is a way that SEEMS right to me but ends badly, God's ways are not my ways.  God does not see things as mere men do.  And of course, the wisdom of man is foolishness with God, but I just thought I'd mention it.  Actually the Proverbs tell us the Rod of Correction will be good for kids and a good beating won't kill them, so there ya go!  


I'm not holding out a lot of hope for the Clergy I know.  They don't get along very well among themselves. The screamers among them seem to compete for the recognition and preeminence and the rules they believe they will enforce upon all mankind within their reach are down right depressing and frightening. Worse yet, they don't seem to be able to agree on which rules are rules, which are suggestions and which are done away with. I do know they tend to want to be in charge and not just work for the Lord in lower positions.  Everyone wants to be a King or Priest it seems. All Priests and no Indians or something like that...


In their perfect Theo-world there will be no dancin' or card playin'. No hair longer than that of the 1950's and no dresses shorter than ankle high. They will be made mostly of boring colors and put you in mind of your grandma. Clothing will be boring because that proves your sincerity and humbleness of spirit. A uniform of some sort would be even better according to some.  All children will wear Y.O.U. clothing I guess.  All fundraising will be accomplished selling Ten Commandment Plaques.  And those tattoos are going to have to come off!  Tattoo Eradicator would be a great profession to go into in this Kingdom.  Tons of business. 

 

You'll be forced, because it's the rule, to go to Bible studies on Wednesday nights and church EVERY Sunday, or Saturday depending.  You'll agree that Jesus really was born on Christmas and really died on Easter for all the appropriate reasons. You will be baptised by immersion or sprinkled depending. You're repentance will be heartfelt and genuine and you will become perfect like God is, or else of course. In fact you'll agree with what you are told to agree with even if you don't. If you don't, you will keep that very very quiet. However a local pastor says that God knows our thoughts, so that will be a challenge. I just know he's gonna tell!


As far as entertainment is concerned, you will love Andy Griffith and hate American Idol.  Movies will be strictly monitored and you will learn to love "The Sound of Music"and "Oklahoma" as you never thought you could, or else. Stores will close on the appointed days and times and only sell the appropriate Christian things. I imagine only Christians will be allowed to even own or run a store. Oh yeah, the non-believers will be dead.

Concerning science, well, hold on to your hats. Evolution, which is literally true, will be banned and creationism and the Fall of Man because of woman in the Garden of Eden, which is not literally true, will replace it. Your vacations will be to the Creation Museum in Arkansas or Kentucky. Science will be ever so much more easily understood. Phrases like "Quantum physics tells us," or "human consciousness studies inform us that," will be replaced by "God says." In fact, every finding of archaeology, paleontology, astronomy and every other "onomy"and "tologies" will be replaced with "God says." A degree in science won't take long at all and the answers will become so much easier to come up with on the test. All the science you need to know you will find in the Bible....mostly the Old Testament.  


Clergy will replace politicians and giving to the State will be regulated by Old Testament laws on tithing and many other such things you won't believe how happy they will make you. It will be to one's advantage to become a Priest of the Most High if you ever expect to accumulate any real material wealth. The Ten Commandments will be suspended long enough to steal the unbelievers blind, rape their wives, enslave their children and kill those who can't see the light as it is revealed to them. If you should find yourself in any kind of conflict over why you have to be so compliant and believe the unbelievable, this is why Jesus has his very own rod of iron. He will convince you that you need to adjust your attitude and you will do so nicely and with sincerity. After you learn anatomy by seeing eyes and tongues dissolve in the appropriately "God is Love" wrath, , you'll feel more inclined to obey and be happy.


Now we can all hope the above nightmare scenario in the hands of Christian Fundamentalists will never come to pass. However, we have ample Old Testament predictions that Jewish fundamentalism will prevail in a very similar way. The above mentioned pastors will be forced to give up Sunday for Sabbath, Easter for Passover and Christmas for the Feast of Tabernacles.   Christian Pastors , falsely so called, will be really surprised! Most will claim they are merely farmers once they see what's in for the false prophets and ministers of Satan among them. 


Let's take a quick look at how happy we will be when the Messiah comes from the Jewish Christian perspective, and how deep our joy must be, or else.

Zechariah 14:
(1-2) Jerusalem under siege from the nations.
Behold, the day of the Lord is coming, and your spoil will be divided in your midst. For I will gather all the nations to battle against Jerusalem; the city shall be taken, the houses rifled, and the women ravished. Half of the city shall go into captivity, but the remnant of the people shall not be cut off from the city.
See, I told ya the Ten Commandments would be suspended for the greater good!  But not to worry.  It's a YHVH trap and those who were gathered against Jerusalem because they were gathered there by God will be sorry they showed up....
(12-15) Enemies are forever plagued.
And this shall be the plague with which the Lord will strike all the people who fought against Jerusalem: Their flesh shall dissolve while they stand on their feet, their eyes shall dissolve in their sockets, and their tongues shall dissolve in their mouths. It shall come to pass in that day that a great panic from the Lord will be among them. Everyone will seize the hand of his neighbor, and raise his hand against his neighbor's hand; Judah also will fight at Jerusalem. And the wealth of all the surrounding nations shall be gathered together: Gold, silver, and apparel in great abundance. Such also shall be the plague on the horse and the mule, on the camel and the donkey, and on all the cattle that will be in those camps. So shall this plague be.

See, I told ya you could still have lots of good stuff if you were the chosen ones and you'd learn anatomy in new and interesting ways! A man's life may not consist of the abundance of things he possesses, but that sorry belief will be put to rest in this huge booty raid.  I'm not sure there are going to be all that many horses, mules, camels and donkeys if this really is a time in the future but what do I know.  It could happen.

(16-19) All the nations come to Jerusalem to worship the Lord.

And it shall come to pass that everyone who is left of all the nations which came against Jerusalem shall go up from year to year to worship the King, the Lord of hosts, and to keep the Feast of Tabernacles. And it shall be that whichever of the families of the earth do not come up to Jerusalem to worship the King, the Lord of hosts, on them there will be no rain. If the family of Egypt will not come up and enter in, they shall have no rain; they shall receive the plague with which the Lord strikes the nations who do not come up to keep the Feast of Tabernacles. This shall be the punishment of Egypt and the punishment of all the nations that do not come up to keep the Feast of Tabernacles.

See, I told ya have to give up the pagan Christian holidays and absolutely fall in love with the Jewish Holy Days, or else.  You see, being forced to be happy and obey is the way. Force makes you sincere or else. You will love church or else.  You know..kinda like those poor North Koreans that had to show sincere grief over the loss of Kim Bong Bill or risk a the need for some re-education summer camp.  At the Feast, when you asked, "How did you come into the truth?" you can say,  "It wasn't raining so I thought, "what the hell, I may as well go to the Feast and act interested."  

(20-21) The common is made holy.
In that day "Holiness to the Lord" shall be engraved on the bells of the horses. The pots in the Lord's house shall be like the bowls before the altar. Yes, every pot in Jerusalem and Judah shall be holiness to the Lord of hosts. Everyone who sacrifices shall come and take them and cook in them. In that day there shall no longer be a Canaanite in the house of the Lord of hosts.

See, I told ya Church was going to be a lot different and you better not be one of the not so special ones!  Again, it appears horses will make a major comeback as a mode of transportation.  


Doesn't being under enforced, for your own good, religious rule sound inspiring? For those who have traveled through the WCG/UCG/PCG/PKG/LCG/GCG/RCG/LSD/DDT/MSG/STP Wild World of God Church experience, what human leader, now God as God is God, would you like to be under?  And you can't prefer to just be yourself and even born right the first time.  You must pick one!  You must feel evil, wicked, worthless, poor, blind, naked and a general loser with no hope unless you love being associated with this one and only way to be.  Rather insane isn't it....


 I sincerely hope this is not what "and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free," really means. Freedom under religious rule and control is truly frightening and depressing.  


Remember...

" Those who can make you believe absurdities

can make you commit atrocities."
 Voltaire ...

Dennis C
DenniscDiehl@aol.com

Dennis On: "And Finally...Forgive Yourself"

And Finally...Forgive Yourself

Forgiveness is such a difficult topic to deal with and has so many complicated dynamics. Either it is almost an impossibility for people to grasp, or maybe it is so simple, we simply don't get it. It's probably both.

Most of the time we focus on either being forgiven by others, which has it's own dynamics, or trying to figure out how to forgive those that hurt or offended us. Everyone has both kinds forgiveness going on and so it can get complicated at times. We often are motivated by the idea of "well, I guess I have to forgive them because they said they forgave me...how dare them, damn it." Even the Bible encourages Christians to forgive simply because they were forgiven by God,through Jesus. It even says that God forgave us, not for our sake, but for Jesus sake, which seems a bit like missing the intended mark. I want to be forgiven for my sake for Jesus sake!

Frankly, most don't really forgive but rather let it go to a point of trying not to think about it and yet it simmers on the stove, always available to continue in some form of drama or painful memories to throw back and forth like lawn darts trying to hit the ring right in the middle and claim points over.

I have people in my life who I hope in time would forgive me and I have issues with some for which I need to keep growing toward a more complete and genuine forgiveness. I am at a stage where I am able to look back and see that sometimes what seems such an insult is really an opportunity to grow past something where things can work out better than it ever could have without the push. It is not always this way, of course, but can be if we look for the good in the "bad," which often lurks there grinning at us.

I'd like to talk a bit about the one kind of forgiveness that seems the most difficult of all. That would be forgiving YOURSELF. Forgiving yourself is something that is the final issue to be resolved when offenses have occurred for which forgiving or being forgiven has run it's course. We either can forgive others, and we do it over time and in degrees, or we can't. We are either forgiven, again over time and to various degrees, or we are not. We can control the pace of the one, forgiving others, but not when, if or how others forgive us. That is their issue, not ours, even though we wish it could be given in such a ways as to feel genuine and perhaps open some new doors to reconciliation in any way.

But forgiving yourself feels almost impossible. Why? First of all, there is that funky part of our nature that feels our forgiving our self is contingent on being forgiven FIRST by others for our offenses. Once they do that, then MAYBE, one can think of forgiving themselves. The problem is you might wait until hell freezes over before you are given permission of this kind to forgive yourself. If you forgive yourself without being forgiven by others, there tends to be a voice in your head that says, "How dare you forgive yourself. We have not forgiven you yet. What are you thinking!" It is followed by, "when we get around to forgiving you, we will let you know and then you can play at forgiving yourself, you jerk."

You see , forgiving oneself seems to others a some form of denial or that you don't take what has happened very seriously. To forgive yourself is to send a message that you are rather shallow or oblivious to the pain caused, when in fact, only you know that it is the depth of the pain that makes you want to be able to forgive yourself and move on. NO ONE can be harder on me than me. That is my own experience. I am the monkey on my own back when I cause pain to others. Perhaps others don't know this, believe this or even want to think this as it might take away some of the sting they can inflict if they choose to, but it is true. Most sensitive people, who even care about this topic are way ahead of their accusers in self condemnation and knowing the pain they have caused that they seek forgiveness for. There are flippant types who hurt others and seem oblivious to it. I do not speak of this type of person, nor is that who I am.

Secondly, as mentioned, we feel that if we forgive ourselves, even if there is no forgiveness extended to us, we are not taking the drama seriously enough. I felt and can feel guilty if not careful for even enjoying life as that might prove I don't take things seriously enough on this topic of forgiveness. "No I won't forgive you. You don't seem miserable enough yet." So often, being forgiven includes requirements and proof you are really sorry for the offense and prove it day and night, over and over by being miserable, practically forever...amen.

Sometimes the requirements that one must meet to be forgiven are just impossible to comply with. Sometimes there is a temptation to comply just to feel forgiven, but it won't last as the two really can't be connected. Forgiveness is a clean experience that allows everyone to be who they really are and think as they really think, no apologies. Anything less is mere compliance for a time and then of course, on go the masks until the next time they fall off. Messy forgiveness is the obligatory kind usually enforced by a fear that if we don't, then Jesus or God or some Deity might just not forgive us of our picky little sins, that we really have very few of.

So in order to forgive ones self, one has to not connect the forgiveness with performance as proof. I can only speak for myself, and I am sure this would be a point of contention, but when I cause the need to be forgiven, I was doing the best I could at the time of the perceived problem. We always do our best at any particular moment which is different from doing better as others might wish us to do to come up to standards they feel are more correct, in their view. But doing better is a future thing. Doing our best is what we always do at any moment we do what we do, or we would do better!

Finally, it is hard to forgive ourselves because we tie being able to do that with fixing that which we are needing to be forgiven for. I am a fixer and caretaker by nature. That is how I am wired. ENFP according to Meyers and Briggs. That is Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling and Perceptive. People like me become ministers, counselors, negotiators and of all things, massage therapists. So I have not strayed far from how I was wired at birth. We are negotiators because we tend to see both sides of all stories and the points that both sides make for their views. But the downside to this is that we can get stuck in views and not make decisions. If we can't fix it, we can't move on. If we can't fix it, then we don't mean it. If we can't fix it, then we are shallow and gutless. The fact is that some things just don't fix. That is painful but true. All things broken cannot be fixed and if forgiveness of the self is based on first fixing that which is broken, or different, or changed or one sided, then you can't forgive yourself and never will. And so you spin. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Stuck between rocks and hard places, heaven and earth, the devil and the deep blue sea.

But, fixing is not a criteria for forgiving yourself. It can't be because we can't always fix that which is broken but we must forgive ourselves as a part of real living.

So examine how things came to be.

Know that you probably were doing the best you could under the circumstances at that time and that is not the same as doing better, but these are two different things.

Don't base your need to forgive yourself on whether anyone else on the planet forgives you for what you have done, not done or said you wished you could do.

Realize that, of course, you have taken this all very seriously. This might be proven by, oh say, the tears, the anxiety, the doubt, the head banging against the wall, the depression, which is anger turned inwards. It might be the shame you feel which is a perception that you have not lived up to tribal or religious expectations, as if most do, or the guilt over breaking the taboos of the group. Only you need to know how seriously you take that which happens in life and do not let your forgiving yourself depend on whether others give you permission to do so.

And finally, some things don't fix. Just getting back into some box that doesn't work is not a fix. Patching is not fixing and trying to be what others expect as the only way to fix is patching and masking. Often things don't fix because one is not accepted for what they are, how they think or what they believe. This is why many with marital problems separate for six months, return, separate for three months, return and then separate for one week , return for their socks and can't fix it.

Forgiveness is not something to take for granted, but a healthy life includes the ability to see through this topic in practical ways and forgive YOURSELF as well, and maybe even first of all.

And finally finally, since writing this I have had to face that some things don't fix personally and it is painful to be sure.  But there is one more level of forgiveness that exists and it is for the mature to say the least.  Give up the idea that you need to forgive in the first place or that you require someone to express their sorry to you.  This is the truest freedom of all, but we'll save it for another time. 


Dennis C. Diehl
DenniscDiehl@aol.com

Dennis On: "The Lost Art of Saying "I don't agree""

"Let Every Man Be Persuaded In His Own Mind"

The Lost Art of Saying "I don't agree"

"Be sure to choose what you believe and know why you believe it, because if you don't choose your beliefs, you may be certain that some belief, and probably not a very creditable one, will choose you."      Robertson Davies,'The Deptford Trilogy ' (p477).

Early in life, people believe what they have been told and taught to believe by those who have been also so taught before them. For better or worse, most humans on the planet still believe what others have taught them from the beginning as if, by chance, they just happened to luck out and end up being born into a family that absolutely had the final truth on most topics already understood. Of course we know this is not really likely.

But humans are mostly content not to look out and wonder if what they have been told is really true. Most humans, it seems, are not so much interested in truths as they are with comfortable beliefs. Comfortable beliefs don't really have to be true, but they are satisfying as long as one does not think too deeply about them or question the facts or their presentation.

Truth on the other hand can be very uncomfortable and yet while true, pushes the person away from that set of beliefs they were given at birth and expected to abide by. This causes no end of drama, as those who are content with beliefs, do all they can to punish and coerce those who opt for truth over belief.

One of the pitfalls of sitting in just about any congregation of the Churches of God is the phenomenon of an entire congregation seeming to be in 100% agreement with what the minister is teaching and saying every week.  Of course, this is an impossibility in real life, but sometimes the COG experience does not take place in real life.  It can be somewhat surreal at times.  This is particularly true in RCG, PKG and PCG with assorting smatterings in UCG and LCG.  It is emotionally and literally impossible for any group to "all speak the same thing."  Truth or even beliefs simply do not work like that and are filtered differently by each and every member and minister.  All speaking the same thing usually means being in compliance with the ministers view of the world, who he thinks he is and where in the world of prophecy we are now.  Crazy stuff!  

They may over talk to them about how wrong they are, or not speak to them again to punish them for straying outside the tribal beliefs. In some pathetic cultures, they simply kill you and solve the problem of you're influencing others to rethink their own beliefs, given by the tribe. It is not nice to fool Mother Nature, but it is even worse to buck the tribal beliefs and wonder if maybe you have not been told everything.

Today we see that discomfort over beliefs vs. truths in the rancorous debates over evolution vs. creationism. While the facts of evolution are generally true, details to follow, creationism is falling quickly out of favor as the explanation of how life and mostly humans came to be on this planet. The people who defend creationism do so to defend their belief on how God did or didn't do something. Their belief is based on an ancient text. It is also based on the absolute need to defend the inerrancy of the text and reality of God as we have been taught "him" to be in Sunday School.

Science defends evolution based on evidence that there might be more to life than what is contained in ancient texts. They don't claim to understand it, but are willing to step outside a box that creationists aren't, because there is so much evidence that contradicts the Biblical account.

Now creationists are endeavoring to defend the text as being good science, but it simply can't be done anymore. Showing animals in Old Testament stories spotted and stripped poles before birthing so that they produce spotted or striped offspring is something even they will have to admit is not how it works. That's really bad science on the part of the Bible, but made perfect sense to them three thousand years ago. Modern genetics really is the answer to really bad biblical "science."

Other beliefs, based on biblical texts are falling out of favor due to overwhelming evidence that contradicts them. Most honest pastors and theologians know that the birth stories of Jesus are not literally true. Most know, the story of Jesus is not all that unique in human history and the archetype of a dying God/man, persecuted, crucified, dead three days and risen again is not a once told story of Jesus.

Most recognize that the Old Testament did not spring out of vacuum, but rather out of the pagan cultures and Egyptian influences that proceeded it. Most who take the time, realize the concept of God evolves even in the Old Testament right on through the New. The simple Christian, "loving father God" of today is not how it all began. Today we have a difficult time thinking an all knowing, all caring, all forgiving, all everything God would define himself as a "jealous God" who punishes generations of people for the sins of their great great grandfathers. Although literalist Christians are very comfortable with that because, "God says, I believe it, that settles it for me." Whatever is not comfortable to even a literalist is dismissed as your not really understanding the text, or that God, while jealous, is all the other good stuff too. I think if I hear, "for the wisdom of man is foolishness with God", "My ways are not your ways", or "God does not see as a man sees", one more time as a way to bale the literalist out of a pinch, I shall scream :)

With just a bit of time today researching a favorite topic on the Internet, one can find that there is much much more to the story, the facts and the implications of a topic than what they simply had passed on to them from mom and dad who got it from their mom and dad, who got it from ....

Many today are coming to realize that the entire drama played out in the New Testament as the literalized story of Jesus was first played out in the heavens and still is today as the earth rotates around it's axis and around the sun. The rising and setting of the Sun of God in the heavens, which is literally the "light of the world" and literally as the sun, delivers us from darkness, and "in which is no variableness nor shadow of turning" is a type that literalists christians will someday have to come to terms with. It is no coincidence that when Jesus is said to have been born of a virgin on December 25th, at the end of the three darkest days of the year, Virgo, the Virgin precedes the sun rise and thus literally "the Virgin brings forth the Sun."

It is no coincidence that the Lamb is "crossified" in April when the Sun is in Aries,the Lamb, at the junction of the celestial equator and the sun's path across the heavens at the spring equinox (equal night). Humans have seen this story acted out for thousands of years. The entire circle of the zodiac, and the path the Sun/Son takes through it, tells the identical story of the life and death of Jesus and every other God/man in all cultures. The names have been changed to protect the innocent when it comes right down to it.

It has only been since the corporate and literalist church and church fathers demanded the allegory be believed as literal history upon pain of death that all the conflict and heartache of religion began. Taking an allegory and making it literally true is why the Bible seems to have so many problems and is not the harmonious piece of work that the Church would have one to believe. Many of them know it is not, but won't tell you because it does not keep the system alive if people think for themselves.

It is not to a literalist church's advantage for you to realize that a real God does not require you to go through anyone and certainly does not need you to show up at a specific building at a specific time where you learn specific and contradictory truths from the one true minister, and lose about ten percent of your annual income to boot. That's religion.

True spirituality is an inside job. What we see today in literalized Christianity is crowd control and a demand that people stay put in the box and reject any contrary facts in the name of Faith. Faith is what is demanded when the facts start to scare the powers that be. In truth, Paganism = truth when one understands Christian origins. The Christians met the pagans, and in spite of appearances, the pagans won.

So, back to original point.

Most of us had our truths pre selected for us and we simply were expected to carry on the traditions. But we live in a world where information is much more available to show that most likely we have not all been told the truth of many things. Frankly, most won't even bother to look outside their given truths. I know that. Some will look and in horror at being wrong, will retreat back to where it is safe and comfy. Some will be intimidated for a time to not look, though they want to.

Some ministers today are forced to warn their parishioners NOT to go on the Internet and research the real background of their church, religion or sacred story. Whatever you do, don't use the search words "Jesus mythology", or "pagan Christian origins", or "Astrotheology", "Errancy", "contradictions Bible" or a host of other words combined in such a way as to open your mind and infuriate everyone else who does not want you to learn one bit more than the guy, and it's mostly guys, who is the provider of his truth to you.

But go for it anyway, and remember...

"Be sure to choose what you believe and know why you believe it, because if you don't choose your beliefs, you may be certain that some belief, and probably not a very creditable one, will choose you."


Dennis C. Diehl
DenniscDiehl@aol.com