Sunday, February 3, 2013

Apostle Malm Starting New Feast Site. All The Law all The Time.

A couple of years ago I made a prediction that apostle Malm would soon have a Feast site.  That prediction is coming true.  I am now a certified PROPHET with a track record BETTER than prophet Thiel!  Would someone PLEASE accidentally lay hands on me and make me a REAL prophet now?

Today, apostle Malm announced he is planning a Feast site in either Medford Oregon or Washington State.

2013 Feast of Tabernacles
I want to thank those who have proposed various locations for holding a Feast of Tabernacles this year.  The potential locations have come down to Washington and Oregon, mainly because there are experienced men in those states who are willing to help find suitable facilities.

Medford Oregon was at one time a WCG Feast site and I am in contact with a retired deacon living in that area, who was ordained in 1986 and who  is aware of the facilities available.  

Another man also a deacon of decades experience, lives in Washington state and is volunteering to seek out potential sites in that state.  

Setting up a site for the 2013 Feast of Tabernacles will depend on costs/finances, availability of a location and on whether folks want to attend.

We will have a date certain by late March which will then enable us to select and reserve a site. 
I am well aware that our visitors are widely scattered around the world  and that many will not have the means to travel and attend.   What we need now is some indication of the numbers of people who would like to attend.

Would all those who would like to and are able to attend a 2013 Feast of Tabernacles site in Washington or Oregon please contact me at  as soon as possible.

Then apostle Malm lets us know just exactly what will be happing at his feast site.  His site won’t be filled with those unconverted COGers who flock to resort towns where they occasionally skip a service to sight see.  It will be filled with folk who talk about the law for 9 straight days.  Little about Jesus will be discussed but you can be damn sure know that the law will be discussed! There will be a strict format at apostle Malm's feast site.

You will get to experience MORE services though with shorter meeting times.  21st century folk have short attention spans and the apostle wants their full attention.

Please be aware that this will be a Feast somewhat different from the traditional WCG.  The Sermons and Bible Studies will be consistent with the teaching on this blog.  It will be a Feast of much strong spiritual meat; not a vacation in some tourist site.

I do not believe in speaking to fill in time and you can be sure that presentations will be full of meat and not long-winded, boring; same old, same old.  The Feast will be about making the most of our time for spiritual instruction.  I also believe that the traditional two hour meetings strain the normal attention span and I would plan more Services and Bible Studies, with shorter Services of about an hour to an hour and a half length.


Head Usher said...

I would rather my fingernails were extracted without anaesthetic while needles were inserted into my eyes than have to spend 8 or 9 days with these insufferable fools.

Imagine being sequestered away with nothing to eat except pears and cheese for 8 days with these jokers who have unwittingly self-selected themselves as some of the most judgmental people out of an already rarefied pool of judgmentalism. It sounds absolutely suffocating.

Armstrongism is proving to be an ideological distillery, which slowly, through much tribulation, is separating people out into different pools according to their piety and purity, while removing altogether the impure individuals with unrepentantly pleasant and affable personalities.

I bet most of these übergodly individuals in attendance will leave hating half of those with whom they were forced to kibbutz. Each individual will leave having sorted everyone out into two separate categories: those who I shunned, and those who shunned me.

The logical end of the distillation process is the pure, unadulterated hypocrisy of Malm himself. The man who is purer than god himself. I wouldn't be surprised if Malm were to excommunicate, mark, and/or shame and verbally abuse more than just a few during the course of the blessed festival.

How many repeat attenders will turn out for another court session of god's feast of judgment in 2014? Thankfully, Malmism will never gain a critical mass because over time every follower will gravitate toward finding every other follower equally repellent. This of course is the dynamic that has led to so many Armstrongist splinter cults, but as you purify out the toxin, it takes effect more and more quickly.

How it's possible for these asshats to spend so much time in self-flagellation, prayer, and bible study to try to become so much like their precious lord, and yet wind up moving daily further away from anything resembling even a good person in general, and not even notice what horrible people they're becoming, is totally beyond my ability to comprehend.

Gavin said...

" can be sure that presentations will be full of meat..."

Mmmmm a sausage feast eh?

"...and not long-winded, boring; same old, same old."

Well if Malm's blog is any guide this means it IS going to be "long-winded," "boring" and "same old, same old"!

"...I believe that the traditional two hour meetings strain the normal attention span and I would plan more...shorter Services of about an hour to an hour and a half length."

So he's got ADHD and BPD along with a good dose of OCD and ASD to boot~

All in all sounds like it's going to be--everybody say it with me now--"THE BEST FEAST EVER!!!"

Douglas Becker said...

Filled with meat: Baloney.

Anonymous said...

Why is it that it's so often the most ultraultraconservative tightasses like Malm whose uptight asses are full of meat?

Steve Kisack said...

When Malm first came on the scene, didn't he say that he was not going to start a "church"? I vaguely remember him saying that.

Joe Moeller said...

I hear that STALAG 13 is available and appropriate as a venue for Mr. Malm.

Joe Moeller
Cody, WY

Anonymous said...

There is nothing like a retired deacon to help you find a feast site for billions of followers!

Byker Bob said...

Once Malm proves the old addage that one man's scatology is another's eschatology.

Or, that there is the power of positive thinking, and the power of suppository thinking!


Velvet said...

"'Please be aware that this will be a Feast somewhat different from the traditional WCG."

Which is the first red flag that should send everyone with a sensible brain in their heads, screaming into the night. Not to even mention the fact that both Oregon and Washington are overrun with those who have departed from the doctrines of the Church completely, and they preach salvation BY WORKS ALONE. (Which, of all the things that can be said for / of the Church, you absolutely cannot say that the Church, as a whole, taught this.)

Anonymous said...

He shouldn't have much trouble finding a hall big enough for the 10 people attending his feast sites.

Anonymous said...

My local Home Depot has a nice bathroom that will hold more than 10 people.
It will be a great Feast Site.
It's right next to the "tools" department, which is perfect.
Everyone can sit on 'Homer buckets' and the pot luck delights can be set on the diaper changing station.


Anonymous said...

Oops, I forgot to mention-

When Malm gives the sermons, the automatic urinals will flush when he waves his arms, underscoring the importance of what he's talkin' bout.

Anonymous said...

Bitter much?

Anonymous said...

"Bitter much?"

Nah, just having fun noticing the insanities of the tattered and scattered remnants of Herbie's shattered cult empire.
Hey, there's even thrones for special people to sit on at Malm's bathroom feast site, if they're special enough!