"There just must be some personality disorder that causes people to lose their capacity for embarrassment. What other explanation could there be?"
Biker Bob
BannedHWA
"Without doubt, the highest ranking item on our website in terms of popularity (tens of thousands of clicks), this lengthy but much-viewed article has been a help to many.
(Excerpts)
"Generally it takes a long time before this devious individual is identified for who and what he really is, and some of the most gifted are able to survive for years in one location. Many though will have short tenures. Depending on the size of the congregation and the perceptiveness of the leadership it may take 6 months to a couple of years before the problem is clearly perceived— that the pastor is devoid of spiritual depth, personal character, and really could care less about the welfare of the sheep. If the destructive characteristics are not identified and the narcissist is allowed to minister long-range, serious problems will manifest. The NPD pastors can be very abusive and destructive to the church, and wreak havoc in the personal lives of those closest to them— particularly staff and leadership."
Copying Authorities:
Most of the narcissists you will deal with in the pulpit will be educated people, with high IQs, middle class backgrounds and good schooling—but as you get to know them you will think their thinking and behaviour is not only illogical but borders on bizarre. You will have to get to know them quite well in order to understand them. Realize that their life is filled up with bits and pieces that are borrowed from other people—people whom they see as authorities in specific areas. These authorities will usually be people that they have met or know, and may not even be viewed as an authority by other people—just by the narcissist. It is from these people that the narcissist will form his opinions, tastes, ideas, specific behaviours—all those things that make up their visible lives.
“Some narcissists seek to imitate or even emulate their (ever changing) role models. It is as if by imitating the object of his envy, the narcissist becomes that object. So, narcissists are likely to adopt their boss’ typical gestures, the vocabulary of a successful politician, the dress code of a movie star, the views of an esteemed tycoon, even the countenance and actions of the (fictitious) hero of a movie or a novel.” (Vaknin)
Criticalness:
Staff members will be the brunt of nit-picky criticalness day in and day out. Nothing will ever be good enough and most everything will have be changed to suit the bosses wishes. A thick skin is a prerequisite for working around the narcissist.
“And they criticize, gripe, and complain about almost everything and almost everyone almost all the time. There are usually a favored few whom narcissists regard as absolutely above reproach, even for egregious misconduct or actual crime, and about whom they won’t brook the slightest criticism. These are people the narcissists are terrified of, though they’ll tell you that what they feel is love and respect; apparently they don’t know the difference between fear and love. Narcissists just get worse and worse as they grow older; their parents and other authority figures that they’ve feared die off, and there’s less and less outside influence to keep them in check.”
Authoritarian:
The narcissistic pastor is obsessed with who has the power in the church. They may even pick one or more people that becomes their authority and sounding board for almost every decision. They may argue vehemently with that person, but will always want to know their opinion.
“At other times, the intimidation dynamic may be more overt, such as when the NPD person directly wields his authority by making continual references to the differences in your positions of power, professional stature, status or money.” (Payson p. 39)
‘Narcissists are totally and inflexibly authoritarian….
They want to be authority figures and, short of that, they want to be associated with authority figures. In their hearts, they know they can’t think well, have no judgment about what matters, are not connected with the world they inhabit, so they cling fanatically to the opinions of people they regard as authority figures — such as their parents, teachers, doctors, ministers. Where relevant, this may include scientists or professors or artists, but narcissists stick to people they know personally, since they aren’t engaged enough with the world to get their authoritative opinions from TV, movies, books or dead geniuses/saints/heroes. If they get in trouble over some or another opinion they’ve put forth, they’ll blame the source– ‘It was okay with Dr. Somebody,’ ‘My father taught me that,’ etc.” (Ashmun)
Rarely will you see a narcissist pour themselves “whole-heartedly” into their work (though they will usually tell you how many hours they put in), because they really have no passion for their work. Rather they are borrowing their opinions and preferences and tastes from whoever strikes them as an authority at the moment....'
