Thursday, June 14, 2012

Gay Cattle, British Israelite Modest Cows and Armstrongite Bull

The post below is from a Yahoo group that claims to uphold all things taught by HWA prior to 1986.  This one is just too mind boggling stupid to pass up:

Friesian Bulls are app 100 % Homosexual and bi-sexual.
They come from Holland.

Where all British bred Cattle are app 100 % none homosexual.

As the British milking cows drop in percentage of cows milked, the Friesian percentage rises.
Could this have something to do with the rising Homosexual human population?

???? Makes a person think???

Then when he is questioned about his posting he had this to say:

I would like to make it clear.

Friesian Bull’s are highly charged with the male hormones, this makes them very aggressive and homosexual.  

They are not effeminate in any way.
 Then, if you think things could not get any stupider, this person writes:

Years ago some WCG Ministers preached about British live stock being descendent of Jacobs’s livestock.

As Animals go, British livestock are quite sexually modest. Under normal conditions nothing is seen.
Mr Dad said that they must breed in the night time.

As God calls himself the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, I am sure we will reap many curses as move away from the things God Blessed.

British Israel cows who are so modest that they cannot screw around unless it is dark??????????  Can Armstrongites really be this stupid??????????????


Anonymous said...

By far the most stupid concept ever written down by a God-Haunted COGer.

There is a breed of talking donkies that are descendents of Baalam's Ass. National Geographic refuses to reveal their location for fear of human talking asses wanting to breed with them and destroying the line.

Also, I hear there is a line of talking snakes, again, location unknown but are descendents of the Garden of Eden debacle.

Ace hardware has a special, you must ask privately, on floating axe heads which are harder to lose than just non-floating iron.

Survival stores and Walmart are trying to suppress a reproducing batch of oil and flour that originated in the 6th century BC from a widow woman who ran out but really can't get rid of the stuff.

Geneticists are red faced over the truth of believing cattlemen who have perfected producing stripped cattle by showing them stripped lines and mottled cattle by showing them mottles. As a result, there has been a run on mottles.

True Christians are trying to cope with the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob ALSO revealing he is the God of Larry, Moe and Curly.

The 12 disciples seem to all have been single men along with leader Jesus. They all spent time in the Roman baths together talking religion and vying for the preeminence. When a younger follower fled without his clothes, the 12 were seen high fiving.

From the Secret Gospel of Mark:

"And they come into Bethany, and there was one woman there whose brother had died. And having come she worshiped Jesus and says to him: Son of David, have mercy on me. But the disciples rebuked her. And Jesus got angry and went away with her into the village where the tomb was. And immediately there was heard from the tomb a great voice, and Jesus went up to and rolled away the stone from the door of the tomb. And he went inside immediately where the young man was and stretched out the hand and raised him up, clutching his hand. And the young man looked at him and loved him and began to call him alongside to be with him. And he went out of the tomb and went into the house of the young man, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus commanded him. And when it was late the young man goes to him, dressed with a shroud upon his naked body, and remained with him that night. For Jesus taught him the mystery of the kingdom of God. And from there he turned to the other side of the Jordan."

Makes ya wonder doesn't it?


Anonymous said...

"British Israel cows who are so modest that they cannot screw around unless it is dark?????????? Can Armstrongites really be this stupid?????????????? "

Ohhhhh yes! There is always something even more stupid babblings lurking out there in the minds of the uneducated and science starved believer.

DennisCDiehl said...

"Mr Dad said that they must breed in the night time."

Once when I reminded my massage students that we all had 12 pair of ribs. Ten fixed pairs and two pairs of floating ribs, a students said, "Of course, men have one less." I said no, but I knew what she was thinking. She said she was going to tell her dad what I was teaching. I told her to have him call me.

Still waiting for that call...

Find me a COG minister that has read a book outside of his own small box of literalism or stash of church magazines and booklets.
I'd love to see a list of "Books I have read" by COG ministers.

Short list no doubt.

Allen C. Dexter said...

Books they have read? That's a laugh. We were discouraged from reading anything that might raise doubts. You see, we were "dumb sheep" who could easily be led astray.

All the time anybody had to read was centered around the steady stream of propaganda that issued from Pasadena. The last few years, I didn't bother to read most of the PT because it was just old articles republished, for the most part. Sometimes, they would masquerade as new with new titles, a few changes, etc. Toward the end, even the legitimatly new stuff got more and more stupid and my eyes were starting to open just a crack.

Let's face it. We weren't thinkers. We were parroters of the organization line -- from the lowly parishioner to the minister in the pulpit.

HWA tried to manufactuure clones of himself and some of those clones are trying to reinvent the original, even to the point of going to jail for doing so because they are a great deal more stupid than the originator was. If HWA could know what's happened, even he would be incredulous.

Sharon said...

This is absolutely hilarious! This guys opinion is not isolated in Armstrongism. When higher education is frowned upon this kind or mentality grows on fertile ground. Just goes to prove that evolution can go in reverse!

NO2HWA said...

Allen: Free thinking is a dangerous thing in Armstrongism, something that is almost nonexistent.

Maynard, who used to post here, is blabbering all over Facebook that I dared let agnostics and atheists post on here.

God forbid if anyone dared stretch their minds a little! No one is going to change anyone's opinions or strong held beliefs here, but at least we are willing to see through each others eyes and not get bent out of shape!

Anonymous said...

I've met people in the COG'ers who avoid outside sources of information even if it confirmed their own set of belief systems, simply because it didn't come from their own personal Splinter Leader.

Paul R.

Mish-Mash said...

If the cows really want to be Kosher, they have to fornicate with a sheet between them with a hole cut into it. That's the "orthodox" method of modest sex.

Anonymous said...

"Maynard, who used to post here, is blabbering all over Facebook that I dared let agnostics and atheists post on here"

Prophets, Priests, Ministers and Kings always hate critical thinking. It exposes their illiterate, Bronze age views and undermines their authority which is fake anyway.


Anonymous said...

All these splinter groups should come together under one banner : The Knights Simplar.

Anonymous said...

Oh come on. This is a joke, right? Can someone be this uneducated?

Assistant Deacon said...

“And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying,'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu—“

“Skip a bit, brother.”

(...Even Python makes more sense than the COGs.)

Douglas Becker said...

Are California Cows lesbians?

M.T. Barns.

Anonymous said...

Anon asks, "This is a joke, right? Can someone be this uneducated?"

Apparently so.

I was just reading an article in The Journal by a guy railing against women and about how evil they are, and I also thought to myself, "This is a joke, right?"
However, I don't think it was.


Anonymous said...

Don't forget the TRUTH that gay brown cows give chocolate milk that must be drunk in the closet.

Anonymous said...

I thought modest cows wore "moo-moos" to hide their naughty bits.


Assistant Deacon said...

If this is true, Holstein-Friesien ranches will soon be picketed by the Westboro Baptist Church.

Jace said...

"Maynard, who used to post here, is blabbering all over Facebook that I dared let agnostics and atheists post on here."

Jesus, is he still going? Obsessed much?

Anonymous said...

Cows are more into leather....

M.T. Stalls

Byker Bob said...

Well, I would submit that this is precisely the kind of "free thinking" that Armstrongites are encouraged to indulge in. We recognize it as being totally absurd, but as ridiculous as it is, you could say it tends to support Armstrongite beliefs. Consequently, it is both outside and inside the evelope.

As for Maynard, what kind of Christian does he want us to think he really is? How does Father God regard prodigals? Are we supposed to cut off atheists and agnostics, or to show ourselved friendly and to share our faith with them? Where would I be today spiritually if all of the Christians on the ACOG sites had cut me off, censored me, and not attempted to share? Maynard needs to reexamine some of his Herbal premises, to determine whether those premises actually assist God in accomplishing His purposes! Selfish grace always leads to elitism.


Ron said...

How can a bisexual bull be 100% homosexual? Someone had better educated this numbnut on the difference.

The best line in this entire posting is the line about how British cows don't fuck in the open or in daylight. REALLY????????????????