Thursday, July 4, 2013

Dating Online With The Philadelphia Church of God

Everyone knows that Philadelphia Church of God teens and young adults have slim pickings when it comes to dating or finding a partner.  Since Gerald has laid down such restrictive deviate laws regarding who church members can fellowship with finding good dates is hard.

The church now is giving guidelines on how to date online:

Singles, you are hereby challenged to use these tools to inject life into your dating! Here are some ideas we have accumulated to help you be creative with your online dating. Feel free to add more ideas in the comments below.

  • On video chat, you could have a meal together. –Joel Hilliker
  • Cook a new recipe together. –Brenda
  • Everyone loves food. Share recipes. It crosses cultural lines as well. –Theodore
  • Each read a book beforehand and talk about it online. –Mr. Hilliker
  • Go through the articles or videos on the (since you’re online anyway) and discuss them. After some discussion, post your thoughts online or even continue the discussion in our comments section. It is like hitting two birds in one stone—a date activity and more social media points for theTrumpet. –Reniel
  • Play a game of chess. –Mr. Hilliker
  • You could play online board games together, like chess or checkers. –Jordanya
  • You could do Scattergories; you could easily do that on both sides: have a timer going and then exchange answers. You could play Pictionary or something if you had a group date. That would be pretty easy because you could just show your picture to the camera. –Danielle
  • A game I would always play with my nieces and nephews: One person draws something, just a quick line or something, and then the other person draws another one and eventually you complete a picture of some kind. It’s very funny sometimes to see what actually turns out. –David
  • Could you make an online date that was built around serving? That’s a good challenge. –Mr. Hilliker
  • Call a senior together. –Jordanya
  • You could always have a group chat, with video as well. So it’s not just two people, but you have a group as well. –Gabrielle
  • Try speaking in a foreign language. –Albert
  • Try to FaceTime at tourist attraction. –George
  • Share photographs. –Tim
  • You could share funny family pictures with each other. –Grant
  • Go online on your smartphone and take a walk. It would be a nice way to introduce your country/region to your date.
  • Post pictures of points of interest where you live, then talk about them. –Theodore

PCG just sounds like the most exciting Church of God ever!  Its no wonder Davey Pack feels like such a fool all the time.
At least they did not tell them to dress in Sabbath wear to chat.


Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Flurry,

One of the things I love about God's creation is diversity. I just love people of other cultures because white people's culture is so bland. Since you have forbidden us to have children and the bloodline is no longer an issue, do you think it would be OK with God if I dated and married a Negro?

Trinity Anne Smith

Anonymous said...

I knew this dating bible study was gonna be a gong show. I'm glad I didn't register to take part in it.

Anonymous said...

Just don't go off-script, as in thinking out loud and outside the PCG booklet box, or else your date will turn your rebellious soul into the ministry without hesitation.

Joe Moeller said...

I suggest that PCG online dating couples should come to BANNED and read all the posts together! Sounds like more fun than reading "The Trumpet" together online does it not?

Joe Moeller
Cody, WY

Anonymous said...

You could share funny family pictures with each other. –Grant

Grant is Grant Turgeon, Gerald Flurry's grandson.

Care to guess how long you would be able to get away with sharing "funny family pictures" of That Prophet?

Anonymous said...

They forgot to say that you could do a striptease for each other over videochat. That's always a fun online date. Oh, wait, that's probably outside the booklet box, even for married people, huh. My bad. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Why bother with dating? Time is short. THERE IS NO MORE TIME. Flurry would give the signal to flee anytime. Do you know that those criminals with death sentence have erection and seminal emission moments before being electrocuted? Do you know that the bunch of male and female soldiers with Hitler copulate during those last moments Berlin was being bombarded by Allied forces and there was no more way for escape? All I can say is that PCG members just copulate and don't be choosy. If no male-female pairing is possible, male-male or female-female should do so that they could experience down to earth real climax in their lifetime. Once they do this, these psychotic neurotic depressed and suppressed people would have discovered there is life outside PCG after all. Sorry for being so vulgar, but many of the psychotic cases of PCG membershi is rooted in the suppressed sexual desires.

Assistant Deacon said...

"Go through the articles or videos on the and discuss them.

Oh, fuck.

(Sorry, Joe. There are no other words.)

Anonymous said...

This is funny!

I just watched the movie Best in Show yesterday, and there was a VERY old man paired with a youthful gal... and the youthful gal had the following quotes that are relevant to the "dating scene" in the PCG (and the UCG and LCG, too!)

[The guy was about a zillion years old and the gal was in her 30's (sort of like when Herbie married Ramona, lol!]

"People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away."

"We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking."

"We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."

Mr. Church said...

Join PCG's dating site. New members daily!

Anonymous said...

This dating article has now gone private and is only accessible with a current PCG membership account.

Gotta love the fact that the worthless shepherds have this blog under systematic review.

The PCG is so paranoid that they keep a record of all submitted comments, even the ones that are later edited out of their publications. Being a 501(c)(3) organization they're on team NSA.

Anonymous said...

Hey PCG and NSA, stop reading our comments, read the Bible and Constitution.