Thursday, October 17, 2013

Imprisoned Felon Ron Weinland Says That The 6,000 Years of Bondage Women Have Been Under Is Now Lifted Because of His Wife

Ron Weinland obviously has way too much time on his hands as he continues to write the most incredibly stupid articles imaginable.  Perhaps his prison needs to  have him make more license plates in order to keep him busy.

In Ron's latest letter to his rapidly shrinking cult, he expounds on how his church has now crossed over into a spiritual plane while he is in prison.  All of his failed prophecies are now coming true, even his epic failure of 2008 is coming full circle.  It is all happening for the most part because his dingy wife Laura is the greatest Second Witness ever to have walked this earth.  Move over David C Pack, you are a pussy compared to majestic and powerful Laura!

The fulfillment of prophetic events is currently in the process of being brought back full circle to 2008. What did not happen then is now closing in again. This time, it is fully about a far greater fulfillment of the First Trumpet. Although that sound and warning occurred on December 14, 2008, the economic devastation of that blast was only beginning to be made manifest (brought to light) to the world. The destruction of a worldwide economic collapse was “held back” until a “final witness” could be established in God’s Church and in the world’s response to God’s final warnings through His Church.

So who in this entire world heeded that warning the best?  Ron's cult ministers?  David C Pack?  Gerald Flurry, Rod Meredith?  Come on, make a wild guess.......the ONE who heeded that call was the "witness" Laura.

Who listened? Who took warning? Who repented? The answer to that is the witness! Now the world is quickly nearing a second, more profound illumination and realization of the effects of that First Trumpet.

Apparently this past Feast of  Tabernacles was the Best Ever!

Throughout this Feast season, God’s Church had been experiencing this transition on a spiritual plane as most have experienced a unity and closeness that has continued to grow stronger and stronger. It is an experience that is awesome to see and understand. Even though it has not been fully put (fit) together in the minds of everyone, this Feast was never-the-less grasped as deeply meaningful because of the “focus” of the sermons and how God and Christ organized it all. It has been “an important transition” in itself.
Then Ron writes about how his church members understood the messages they heard to be directly from their god.  The people that made these comments don't sound like the brightest bulbs in the store:

God has magnified that He and His Son give the spiritual food that is timely and needed for His Church, as many have observed and commented upon in letters and ministerial reports. I especially like the way one minister stated it when he was describing what God was giving through the new speakers at this year’s Feast: “Everybody was impressed with what the guys were given in the sermons. Naturally, people had sermons that touched them more than others, but everyone knows it was all from God and the guys were just the ‘sound system’ He used.” That is a good perspective for everyone to have – for those who deliver sermons and those who listen.

All of that is just mince meat compared to the mind boggling work that Laura has been doing.  You know, the great work of the Second Witness...the one you hear about and read about in the news...remember her?  Me neither.....

One last area that is a large part of this transition from man’s age to the age of God’s reign which God’s Church is “experiencing” is one that is personally very exciting to me. It has much to do with what God has been leading His Church to “see” and begin living over the past few years. This transition has actually been spearheaded (put into action) and is being lived by my wife, Laura. God has been revealing to us about the lifting of great bondage that has been upon women over the past 6,000 years.

This phase of transition actually began when God revealed that one of the “two witnesses” of this end-time would be a woman – my wife. This indeed has been exciting as it also magnifies the importance of “family” in God’s great plan of Elohim. In Elohim, there is neither male nor female. In the Millennium, women will be esteemed in a far more meaningful, purer, and uplifting manner just as God intends it to be.
 Weinerdude is still upset that the internet immediately broke out in fits of laughter when Ron originally said he wife was Witless Witness #2.  #2 is right, but not the "witness" kind.

Once it was revealed that Laura was one of God’s end-time witnesses, mockers of what God is doing had their laughs and their moment of condemnation. Some responded by ridicule saying “how convenient” this was for me having my wife as the other witness. The truth is that it has indeed been convenient and a great blessing from God that we have been able to share such an experience together within God’s great plan that He is working out.
Thanks to Laura women are being freed from bondage.  Woo Hooo!

Laura and I have always shared in what we have been given by God to serve His people. On all trips, she has done far more counseling and giving of guidance and encouragement to people than I have. She has never been “silent,” but gifted by God to “bring out” people (help them to open up about their battles and struggles in life) and then help them by what she has spoken. Now she is being thrust forward even more due to the added load she must carry, and the Church recognizes more fully how God is using her as she speaks to congregations (not in sermons) and to the ministry about what is happening within God’s Church and what God is doing in our lives. She is doing this in all the locations where she is traveling as we are continuing to serve church areas as always with scheduled visits. In two locations this Feast season, she not only addressed the ministry, but both congregations that had gathered together at these sites.

It is a powerful encouragement to the Church, witnessing how God is working so much more through women. Women are in the process of being freed from great bondage in both the world and in the Church. Laura’s workload is becoming more visible, especially as she is continuing in a worldwide visiting program to help lead and teach the ministry as well as guide and encourage brethren in those areas.
The amazing work Weinerdude is doing in prison, and the world circling work of the second witless witness are so inspiring that everyone in the millennium will be talking about these two.


Anonymous said...

The sooner this odd couple kicks the bucket the sooner people will clue in that they are nothing special.

Anonymous said...

The soonest the people use common sense rather than be taken in by smooth words, the earliest they will wake up from spiritual slumber. I just wonder how will these impostors face the real Two Witnesses if they do appear on the scene. Maybe this Laura will rain fire on the Two Witnesses? This is getting to be a comedy of ridiculousness or maybe a comedy of the insane. These leaders including this woman should be brought to mental asylum.

Anonymous said...

So...we are "being brought back full circle to 2008"...oh, joy! Now Audra can sell some of those books that are stacked in Daddy's basement.

They can rename their cult, "Church of Ron Preparing for a New Book Blitz", and Audra can prepare by covering the "2008" on the book covers with "2014" stickers.

Or, they can rename their cult, "Church of Ron Preparing to Hide Jewelry Again", and Laura can prepare by an intensive regimen of Kegel exercises.

Those Weinlands are quite a family!
Pappa is the world's greatest prophet and Witnesses Number One...Mamma is the world's greatest woman and Witnesses Number Two...their daughter Audra is the world's greatest Book Chef and Money Juggler...and their son Jeremy is the only person in the world who was smart enough to qualify for their their cult's 'college scholarship fund'!

What will the family do when Ron gets out of prison?
Going to Disneyland is a good idea, because they can always use a few more Goofys there.

Head Usher said...

If Laura Weinland is one of "the two witnesses," I guess I'd just have expected that she was going to do some witnessing...

Joe Moeller said...


Thanks to Laura, women around the world are now free from the pain of childbirth, and also no longer have "desire" for their husbands.

The curse is lifted!

Joe Moeller
Cody, WY

Corky said...

Ahh the spiritual plane...much like the spiritual realm, no doubt: non-existent. Gods, sons of gods, angels, cherubs, demons, devils, witches, giants, heaven, immortality, lakes of fire, worldwide floods, towers that reach to heaven, stones that tell the future...true story...unlike that hogwarsh they falsely so-call "science".

Anonymous said...

She should use her fire making ability and burn the prison done. Mr. Malm might disagree on the role of women in today's society. She must wear a veil. gloves, boots, be covered completely.

Douglas Becker said...

The Weinlands are just a small but definitive representation of all of Armstrongism.

They are all cults.

Weinland is certainly doing a great job of representing the Cult of Herbert Armstrong as a warning to the world that there isn't one shred of sanity among any of them.

Byker Bob said...

This is something like watching Sybil, where some helpless individual sits around in a dungeon type rubber room peeping and muttering to him/herself. Problem is, in this case there is a small choir peeping and muttering along with him as if everything he says is some sort of oracle.

If someone hearing HWA/GTA in their full potential back in the 1950s and 60s had been able to miraculously fast forward through 1972-75, through 1986, and 1995 to witness this, they would be astonished at the total diminishment in power of the movement. It didn't last long at all, and the remnants are just pitiful.


Anonymous said...

"Thanks to Laura, women around the world are now free from the pain of childbirth, and also no longer have "desire" for their husbands."

after seeing the "gay" pride parades on the news last weekend, you might be on to something Joe!

Anonymous said...

"They are all cults."

And the UCG is the biggest, which makes it the most dangerous. I saw them on the idiot box last week and their broadcast was an "exact" knock-off of the HWA formula.

Lake of Fire Church of God said...

Byker Bob said, "If someone hearing HWA/GTA in their full potential back in the 1950s and 60s had been able to miraculously fast forward through 1972-75, through 1986, and 1995 to witness this, they would be astonished at the total diminishment in power of the movement. It didn't last long at all, and the remnants are just pitiful".

MY COMMENT - So true. I would only add that NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, turned out the way they said it would. So much for the Profits of God!


Byker Bob said...

Richard, I was at a huge vintage car show today. While there, amongst the exhibits, I saw a tented pavillion with a sign over it that read: "Stinkin' Jesus Freaks". The staff was there so troubled people at the show could receive prayers and encouragement. This too was certainly vintage, but of a different type! I immediately thought of Pastor Chuck Smith who more or less started the Jesus Freak movement amongst the counter culture of the 1960s, and when I returned to my house and Googled him, learned that he had died within the past week. The Jesus Freaks morphed into Calvary Church, which was and is absolutely huge in scope and influence today. They're the guys who take over and renovate old strip malls to use them as their churches.

What a contrast with the way the Armstrong movement has just pfffittzed away! Of course, there were a scandal or two along the way in the Calvary movement as well, but they handled them with far greater integrity. They, and the groups they have spawned such as Harvest Ministries and The Vineyard have enjoyed the influence and growth to which the Armstrong movement always aspired, but never quite attained.

Calvary is also where several major Christian trends had their genesis, such as worship in casual clothing, and contemporary guitars and drums replacing organ music in the services. They also taught mainstream Christian laypeople to deeply study their Bibles, which is one of the things HWA always critiqued mainstream Christians for not doing.

Years ago, while living in California, I had known and interacted with some of these people, but, sadly, because of all the things that had happened to us in Armstrongism, I secretly held them in contempt, tarring and feathering them with the same brush. I would even bet that some of them prayed for me. I just wish now that I could meet up with some of them and share the later parts of my journey.


Anonymous said...

This guy's the mayor of Crazytown Bananapants! And anyone who listens to this him seriously needs to get their head checked!

Anonymous said...

I wonder about the Jehovah Witnesses, they are still going strong. Many of their beliefs are similar to Armstrongism, plus they share a strong paranoia, although this doesn't stop them knocking on peoples doors.

I have talked to some friends who's families are JW and from what they have told me they believe so much of what Herbie did, including the coming end of the world.......which still hasn't come.

Seems like one of the big differences is that they are more Jesus focused and go to church on Sunday, and don't keep the Jewish holydays.

Now what is their secret -- a weird religion that seems to survive through the centuries?

Anonymous said...

the JW's secret is that they meet on Sunday....makes it easier for folks to join up and still keep one foot in the world.