Thursday, November 21, 2013

Denise Muses...

Dear Dave,

Please don't be offended I called you Dave.  We are just too close for me to call you Mr. Dave.  It makes me feel icky and like there is a large gulf between us and I pray there is not. I so miss you.  

You said in your last letter that would be your last for a very long time and it has been and I miss you. I haven't heard from you in over six weeks and I am afraid you have forgotten me.  I'm staring at your pictures and remember the moments you made me laugh.  I read your many letters to myself over and over and miss the hundreds of hours you poured out your soul to me when you revealed yourself as Joshua the High Priest. I know that wasn't easy and I respect you for doing the hard thing. It's not easy to unlock the Bible Code on your real identity and I so respect just how you did it.  No one knows the Bible like you do!!  Let them laugh all they want. We know what happens to scoffers.  You just be strong.  I am so proud of you! I miss you. You are the only Joshua High Priest I know and I don't want to lose you!  None of my friends have a Joshua High Priest as a personal friend!  They are so so jealous when I tell them all about you!  :)

Oh sure, I was hurt when you sent me your 35 ways to get back into your heart. I didn't want to sell my soul or leave my brains at the door but now I will!  I will do anything if you just write again.  I was upset when you wrote your special letter to some of my minister friends  You said your letter would correct them but ultimately inspire, but it didn't much and that's ok!  I was inspired!   I like it when you correct me!

I was a fool to think getting back to you would be easy and I was angry, but I never thought it would end this way, and I'd be missing you so.  If there might still be room in your heart for me, please write more. I hang on every word and I save them just incase you disappear again as I think you have.  Please don't be ashamed of your mistakes.  Ghastly days!  I make them too!  It's all good!  We can be together again and just start over.  I know you have many more thoughts to share.  I gyrate just thinking about you and them.  Sorry...I'm a bad girl I know! :)

 I can't tell you how thrilled I used to be to see it was a letter from you.  I waited every friday hoping against hope you would write and I wait still.  You are so special to me.  Without is just not the same.  The joy is gone and I find myself reading over your old letters just to believe you are still around and relive those moments of awe. 

I know winter is coming and you will be very busy in Ohio. Winters there are harsh so do dress warmly and take care of yourself.  I was looking through a Kentucky Race Horse catalogue recently and you can get Mahagony and Teak snow fences of all things.  Very nice stuff.  When I saw it, I immediately thought of you.  I'll help you put it up if you want me to .  I'll do anything to get close again. They even have very nice quality and easy to use snow shovels for younger people so your students can help dig out and you won't have to have the parking lots plowed.  That can save you lots of money over just one winter and it will keep your students busy and less likely to have impure thoughts. I have impure thoughts at times too of course.  I will help them shovel if you will just let me. They will just be so tired they won't have time!  Lol. I can picture you smiling now.   I just want to be helpful if you will let me.  We can be close again if only you will write.

Oh Dave, where are you?  Please write me again and continue to tell me all you are up to.  You are so awesome.  I don't believe I have ever quite met anyone like you.  Oh maybe back in the late 70's, I am not sure, but really never anyone like you. Oh sure, I hurt you over your broken promises of last summer, but I can let that go. I have hormonal imbalances and it shows sometimes.  You could heal me with your knowledge of herbs and vitamins! I will pay full price for them and expect no discount just because we are so close...or were until you stopped writing me.   I was hurt and only wanted to protect you from those who would make light of just who you really are, but I know you didn't mean to hurt me.  It just happened.  I was crazy and such a fool.  I miss you.  Please keep writing those special letters to me.  

I send my love and hello's to those wonderful and crazy 16 agreers that have been so helpful to you this past year.  I feel so good knowing you have them to encourage you and hope they feel inspired to tell you to write me so please do!  I'd be careful not to disagree your agreers  lol!   I know the prophecy is still "on" and just pray that I am still on with you.  If I am being brash or harsh, I don't mean to be. Please don't be mad at me.  It's the chemical imbalances talking, not me.  I got them from my previous career.  It happens!   I have to go to work now. I have a full schedule of clients so will be too tired to write when I get home late tonight.  I miss you.  Write and announce again soon!

Anxiously Waiting and Lonely in Greenville


Byker Bob said...

The problem with this as humor is that unfortunately there are probably women in Dave's church who feel pretty much as Denise's letter expressed. I also have no doubt that some of the guys in Dave's church, possibly even some of the 16 have a "man crush" on Dave. Of course, they would attempt to spiritualize this away, but there has always been a lot of idolatry within the ACOGs, and based on charlatans being portrayed as and seen as the equivalent of Biblical characters only in our own times.


Corky said...

"Denise"...bahahahahahaha ha...

Dear Denise,

When you get back into Dave's good graces and well on your way to a priest/queen position in that wonderful world tomorrow, please don't forget all your good friends at Banned. Yes, have mercy on us and lead us away from the brink of the "lake of fire".

P.S. Sorry we used up all the trees, oil, gas and coal and hope there are other ways to keep warm in the kingdom.

Anonymous said...

To music; Heart, "Try try try to understand.... he's a magic man". He wishes he was. What's sad is that, I'm starting to believe, Dave actually believes he is special; the chosen one. Go for it Dave, tell them all that you are Christ; get it over with so that we don't have to keep waiting for it. We will help you spread the proclamation far and wide. Do it Dave, say it: "I am the second come Christ". :)

Anonymous said...

"Denise", your gonna make Dave do things to himself, private things, things that Satan puts in his mind. Control your self Dave, take a cold shower and be a big strong man. Blue is a nice color, right. Ah, ah, ah, don't touch that dial.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts exactly, Denise.

I'm dying to know what is happening within the RCG. I know there were at least five members that had left before that dismal failure of a prophecy came and went. This has to be messing with the members heads.

I can only IMAGINE what is happening inside Dave's head. Any ideas?

Anonymous said...

1:11 PM, what's happening in Dave's head? He has already said that soon God will speak to him, he will hear God's voice speaking. I wonder if it will just be a little voice in his head or a big one? Then he will ask his brainwashed non-thinkers "Do you hear it????" And they will say, yes, it is a beautiful set of clothes your majesty. What a freaking whack job!

James said...

Religious masturbation as practiced by Dave Pack.

Byker Bob said...

He may be getting a corpus callostomy to facillitate everything.


Anonymous said...

There is no Denise. It is Dennis with a malfunction. Denis has being writing strange stuff lately all caused by Pack.

Pack see what you have done? Your crazyness has driven our poor author over the edge.

Denise, I mean Denis, please come back. Please respond Denis.

Well folks we interrupt this program to report that Dave has changed our Denis to Denise.

Anonymous said...

If Dave Pack had been an astronomer back in the 1700s, he probably would have been searching for Uranus. It is a giant of a planet, methane is very much present, and there are winds up to 550 mph near the surface. Plus, it's the coldest planet in existence. Given the name and the superlatives involved, the planet was just made for Dave.

DennisCDiehl said...

"Denise, I mean Dennis, please come back. Please respond Dennis."

zzzzwwwooop. huh? what? Where am I? What happened? Oh...ok, I'm back. Where was I? Whew....ok, I'm ok now.

I am going to The Assembly Debutante Ball tomorrow evening here in Greenville. All very heady and Southern stuff. I hope I don't lose a glass slipper. No wait...That's Cinderdennis. Ok, ok...I'm ok now. Whew....what a dream!


DennisCDiehl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DennisCDiehl said...

Actually I expect DCP is endeavoring to recover from his August debacle and probably just wants to move on doing his thing. There are minor prophet he has not explored yet so perhaps there is more awesomeness to come.

Joe Moeller said...

A love letter poem in response to "Denise" from David. C. Pack , (and with apologies to "Randy and the Rainbows" 1963 hit record by the same name)...

Oh Denise, scooby-doo
I'm in love with you, Denise scooby-doo
I'm in love with you, Denise scooby-doo
I'm in love with you

Denise, Denise, oh, with your eyes so blue
Denise, Denise, I've got a crush on you
Denise, Denise, I'm so in love with you

Oh, when we walk, it seems like paradise
And when we talk, it always feels so nice
Denise, Denise, I'm so in love with you

Your my Queen and I'm in heaven
Every time I look at you
When you smile it's like a dream
And I'm so lucky 'cause I found a girl like you

Joe Moeller
Cody, WY

DennisCDiehl said...

I'm sorry Joe...My heart belongs to Mr. Dave.


Anonymous said...


That's exactly what BIG BEAK called a particular person on the old Festival films. So whenever I hear you say Mr. Dave, I hear it in Big Beak's voice. In fact, now I read your entire letter to Dave as the Denise Character in Big Beak's Voice. Ah! Make it Stop! LOLOLOL

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. High Priest,

It was your autobiography which triggered my first love.

You were a championship level swimmer and gave it all up to learn the doctrines of WCG. You could have been the next Mark Spitz. But you knew in 1972 you would flee. You selflessly gave up 7 gold medals for 3 1/2 years of sleeping on rocks.

You were a serious young man with grand goals. You wanted to rule cities in the world tomorrow. So you became a minister out of love. You would administer the bible to thousands of people. More than any other minister in world history.

You had to overcome various trials to test your faith.

When you did not have to flee to Petra, income fell, and the evil Rod Meredith laid you off.

But God miraculously restored you to the ministry. You had to deal with demon possessions in Cincinnati. A personal angel cult in Newburgh. Scores of problems in Syracuse.

But you persevered to minister your own congregation in Buffalo. It was said to be the happiest place on earth. You raised a family. You reprimanded GTA and got him kicked out of the Body of Christ.

But after your "close personal relationship with Mr. Armstrong" ended in Jan. 1986, the devil was free to strike. He masqueraded as Joseph Tkach and demoted you to New York City. You were at a crossroads.

But God intervened and led Gerald Flurry to commit "real heresy" and your dreams of ruling cities was "back on."

But the evil Joe Tkach got you fired after you courageously preached a sermon entitled "Truth".

But you landed on your feet again with the Global Church of God, led by the repentant Rod Meredith.

Unfortunately, Dr. Meredith's repentance was just a mirage---but God bought you time to gain experience to begin the greatest ministry in world history.

The devil tried to destroy you again by attacking you from within. You had faithless people working alongside you.

But you persevered again to re-write all of HWA's literature and even a splinter explanation package. Out of love you were beginning to save all of God's people.

You became an Apostle. Then a Watchmen. The the High Priest Joshua. Your "fruits" or "titles" validated my faith.

Your story was compelling.

I admit the Clarion call was shocking. There was a desperation in your tone. But that was for others. I did'nt have any money to give you.

I looked forward to the growth---and was inspired to see it.

Even better was in your weekly addresses to the sheep, you started with "Good afternoon brethren". The gyration began---and it was addictive.

Maybe, that is it, I am more addicted than in love. You get that a lot in some dysfunctional relationships.

But I miss your words of warning, of correction, and of course----of inspiration.

Maybe I will become a co-worker and read your letters every month about the earth shattering effect the ministry is having in the world.