Friday, November 16, 2018

The perfect solution for COG's to keep members in check.



BAN THE BIBLE

The COGs keep having problems with members reading the Bible and coming up with questions they do not want to answer.
Instead of being so negative, I would like to help them out.
The solution is obvious – ban the Bible.
It worked so well for the Roman Catholic Church for over 1,500 years, so try it out. Look at all the trouble the RCC had when people started reading the Bible for themselves.
The council of elders in each group have so much experience they can use to help and instruct the members.
Why confuse them by letting them read the scriptures for themselves.
When they read that Christ is the head of man, they really think that applies to them. It is obvious with our overwhelming knowledge and wisdom is that the head of the members is the local pastor, and the head of the local pastors is the COG president / presiding evangelist / apostle / prophet.
Even worse, when they read Timothy and see that Paul tells Timothy to rightly divide the word of truth – this only applies to the very top ministers, not the sheep.
The solution is clear.
Ban the Bible.
Provide the members instead with your well-written booklets, magazines, and sermons. Tell them this their bible study instead of the confusing Bible.
Excommunicate anyone caught reading the Bible.
If COGs will just do this, they can hang on to their members until death.

Submitted by TLA

No Moonies Allowed



Leave it to Armstrongites to be caught up in all kinds of silly conspiracy theories.  One of them has always been that Amercian astronauts never landed on the moon.  Various employees in Pasadena were really wrapped up in this one.

The Kitchen clan has now settled that controversy!  In between the slobberfest of bowing down at their Herbert Armstrong altar, fighting with the Scarborough's, and stealing copyrighted works to put on their site as if they owned them they, they get all giddy over chemtrails, germ spraying, and all kinds of early morning AM radio silliness.

The Winter Family Weekend Song


It is rapidly approaching that time of year when several of the larger Church of God's conduct their annual Christmas Family Weekend.

All of the groups have selected sites that are brimming at the seams with Christmas cheer and joyous music, but not a single COG member will ever hear the music, see the decorations and imbibe in the joy of the season.  Yucky-poo on those Christmas cookies!

In honor of that miraculous event, which is on par with the immaculate conception, SHT has composed a new song for United Church of God to sing on their weekend.

Have a holly, jolly weekend
It's the best time of the year
I don't know if there'll be snow
But ignore all the cheer.

Have a holly, jolly weekend
And when you walk down the hall
ignore people you don't know
You're better then them all

Oh, ho, the mistletoe
Is hung where you can see
Listen to ho, ho, ho
Lights surround that tree

Have a holly jolly weekend
And in case you didn't hear
Oh United, have a holly jolly weekend this year

Oh, ho, the mistletoe
Is hung where you can see
Listen to ho, ho, ho
Lights surround that tree

Have a holly jolly weekend
And in case you didn't hear
Oh United, have a holly jolly weekend this year