Holy 10 Toes, Batman!!!! Crackpot Prophet Makes His Followers Suffer Through 3 Mini Sermons Today

 

The world's greatest prophet to exist in human history, so important that he was doubly blessed, announced to his followers today that they deserve to sit through THREE mini-sermons today. Holy Naturopathy, Batman!

For the weekly Sabbath, instead of a short sermonette and a long sermon, we decided to try something a little but different this time. So, we are recommending three messages that are between the usual lengths of a sermonette and sermon.

Here is a suggested service for this weekly Sabbath: 

 

2-3 hymns (our songbook, The Bible Hymnal, contains the materials from the 1974 Bible Hymnal from the old WCG with new covers, plus ten additional hymns; there is also some Choral Accompaniment online). 

 

Opening prayer.

Message 1 by Bob Thiel: The Biblical Calendar.

Message 2 by Louis Rubin: Faith from God.

Announcements (if any) and one hymn.

Message 3 by Aleksandar Veljic: Background and Introductory Comments to the Book of Jeremiah.

Other sermons are also available at the ContinuingCOG channel.

Final hymn.

Closing prayer.

Still no Jesus, but this is a Church of God, after all.

Why Do You Need The So-Called Second Greatest Book On Earth?

Those boys in Edmond Oklahoma are having fun again. At first, I thought this was an April Fools joke, but alas, it's April 22. The boys sent out an email today from the greatest King on earth today (sorry, Bob Thiel, it's not YOU!) His Majesty the Royal Highness King Gerald Flurry, the right-hand man of God and possessor of the coronation stone that some creature he calls "christ" will come back to sit its holy derriere upon.

King Gerald wants you to know that you really NEED the second most holy book on earth today. Everyone knows about the Bible, but far too few know about Mystery of the Ages, the second most important book on earth followed closely by the third most important book, Malachi's Message.

Where would the Church of God be without all of these extra-biblical tomes that so many rely upon?

The King writes:

We give away a lot of free literature and educational material. The book we have given away more than any other is Mystery of the Ages. This is a masterful work by the late educator, philanthropist and unofficial ambassador for world peace Herbert W. Armstrong. Thousands of people have said that this book, when they have applied its teachings, has brought real meaning to their lives and given them true happiness!

Mystery of the Ages is a synopsis of the Bible. It allows you to understand God’s Word, which would otherwise be a mystery.

MOA along with The Incredible Human Potential has to be the most butt-numbing boring books ever written. They are right up there next to The Book of Mormon in readability and Christian understanding. 

On the cover of the book, Mr. Armstrong wrote, "Did you ever ask yourself: ‘Who am I? What am I? Why am I?’ You are a mystery. The world about you is a mystery. Now, you can understand!"

With this life-changing book, the Bible is decoded before your eyes, if you want it to be!

If the Bible had been decoded with the MOA then there is no reason for 400+ splinter groups each preaching their own unique set of biblical "truths".

Look at society around you. Clearly the Bible is a mystery to most of humanity. It is the world’s bestseller that nobody knows. It is a mystery to science, to education, even to religion! God is not real to most people. But Mystery of the Ages will make God real to you. This book will make God come alive and understandable to you.

The Bible is still a mystery to the Church of God. Every single splinter group has its own interpretation of scripture which is always better than the others. 400+ different versions with no one willing to agree upon common points. 

For this reason, Mr. Armstrong considered Mystery of the Ages the second-greatest book on Earth after the Bible.

It's not and never has been! 

LCG Members Told To Build Character And Focus Upon The Work

One thing you have to hand to the Church of God is that they constantly have their followers "working" towards some goal. Work, work, work. 

Times are evil and vile people are in the world trying to turn you away from the mother church.  

Turn your focus upon the church and support its ministry with your money. 

Work, Work, Work, earn the money to support the church. 

After all, it's reaching millions, thousands, hundreds, tens, with their mind-boggling Tomorrow's World presentations. 

But, if only you lazy brethren would turn your focus upon the church and away from your worldly pleasures, we could reach more people and convert them.

For 80 some years now church members have been told to build character and become perfect like God. It's an exhausting task that no one has ever been able to accomplish. LCG members, like most COG members, are tired and worn out by the constant busyness of working towards some unattainable goal that the leaders have set, all the while not realizing they are being relentlessly pursued by the one they never hear much about.

Adjusting Your Focus: During the Passover and Days of Unleavened Bread is a good time to evaluate how we spend our time and where we focus our energies and concerns. Jesus told us to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). The Apostle Paul advised Christians to “walk circumspectly” (live purposefully) and make the most of our time “because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:15–16). Are we focused on the big picture—of doing the Work of God and building the character qualities needed to function in the Family of God? Jesus warned that “the cares of this world” can cause us to lose sight of the big picture (Matthew 13:22). The spring Festivals provide us with an opportunity to evaluate how much time we spend on TV, the Internet, social media, and what we post on Facebook. Let’s use this time to refocus on the big picture of God’s purpose for our lives.

Have a profitable Sabbath,
Douglas S. Winnail