Saturday, April 23, 2022

Holy 10 Toes, Batman!!!! Crackpot Prophet Makes His Followers Suffer Through 3 Mini Sermons Today


 

The world's greatest prophet to exist in human history, so important that he was doubly blessed, announced to his followers today that they deserve to sit through THREE mini-sermons today. Holy Naturopathy, Batman!



For the weekly Sabbath, instead of a short sermonette and a long sermon, we decided to try something a little but different this time. So, we are recommending three messages that are between the usual lengths of a sermonette and sermon.

Here is a suggested service for this weekly Sabbath: 
 
2-3 hymns (our songbook, The Bible Hymnal, contains the materials from the 1974 Bible Hymnal from the old WCG with new covers, plus ten additional hymns; there is also some Choral Accompaniment online). 
 
Opening prayer.
Message 1 by Bob Thiel: The Biblical Calendar.
Message 2 by Louis Rubin: Faith from God.
Announcements (if any) and one hymn.
Message 3 by Aleksandar Veljic: Background and Introductory Comments to the Book of Jeremiah.
Other sermons are also available at the ContinuingCOG channel.
Final hymn.
Closing prayer.

Still no Jesus, but this is a Church of God, after all.


15 comments:

Anonymous said...

A real quote from Robin! Well done!

Anonymous said...

What a boring list of sermon topics. I can see why no COG members followed him. I can not imagine sitting in someone's living room listening to this garbage.

Anonymous said...

Church politics has entered CCOG. There should have been two mini-sermons, a standard ACOG format known as the "split sermon."

Bob could have deferred to Rubin and Veljic, letting them share the spotlight for one Sabbath. But Bob is too vain for that, as he is the Overseer of CCOG (Massa, to his Black members), so he had to claim one of those splits as his own. But then, he couldn't choose Veljic without offending Rubin, nor choose Rubin without offending Veljic.

So, because of the vanity of these three men, the other 296 English-speaking members of CCOG got stuck having to listen to three messages instead of one or two.

Anonymous said...

Hey, it's a beautiful Saturday afternoon! God made rock n roll for ya! Check your local tabloid for some awesome live music. Blues Societies typically put on Spring festivals in local parks, and if you are fortunate enough to live near one of the beach cities, there are usually some Blues bars where live music is played on weekends. I guarantee that this will lift your spirits to higher heights than anything Bummer Bob has to share, whether it be on the mini or maxi level,

Zippo said...

It is a suggested service, and the home video groups may decide for themselves what they will do...

I always smirk when I see the "Bible Hymnal" called a "songbook". At my first WCG service, I was told to "grab a songbook and find a seat". A songbook? Is this a campfire singalong?

Anonymous said...

I would watch Batman and Robin any day over a COG minister!

Hoss said...

Anon 143 said I would watch Batman and Robin any day over a COG minister!

Yes, Batman was by far a better speaker, with better control over his hand movement!

Bob would be a good "Special Guest Villain" or the guy who sticks his head out the window when they scale a building flatfooted.

Anonymous said...

That Robin and Batman were extremely promiscuous. They even had their loose women on the filming sets.

Anonymous said...

I would watch Batman and Robin any day over a COG minister!

Batman has already battled the Joker, the Riddler, the Penguin, King Tut, and Mr. Freeze. What villain would Bob Thiel be?

The Flouncer?
The Mincer?
Dr. Confusion?

Whatever his villain identity, though, I think we know his catch-phrase: "Curtains, Batman!"

Anonymous said...

The only thing the bouncing flouncing prophet has at his disposal is hitting them with his big fat Bible. That would probably be the biggest workout he and that Bible have ever done.

R.L. said...

This is a hockey game format - probably three 20-minute periods.

Perhaps it explains why Dr. Thiel doesn't condemn hockey in the way he does U.S./CFL football.

Tonto said...

As a Batman Villain, Id call Thiel on of these or combo thereof...

EGG HEAD (Played by Vincent Price)

RIDDLER (Frank Gorshin)

PUZZLER (Maurice Evans)

BOOK WORM (Roddy McDowell)

Anonymous said...

Speaking of theatrics, I've said for years that Bob Thiel should enroll in drama classes at city college, or join a theatre group to hone his presentation. If he'd a listened ten years ago, he'd probably have a much larger group of followers today. It has been said that the great Robert Johnson disappeared in the early part of his career for about a year, and that when he reappeared, his guitar playing had improved so remarkably that people started rumors about spiritual help.

Anonymous said...

It has been said that the great Robert Johnson disappeared in the early part of his career for about a year, and that when he reappeared, his guitar playing had improved so remarkably that people started rumors about spiritual help.

There's no doubt that HWA had spiritual help. The only question is the nature of that spirit.

I'm Herbert Armstrong, and I'm going to hell!

Anonymous said...

Seems like surf's up, and Robin is about to hang ten! Perhaps it's time for a crossover episode in which Batman and Robin meet the Silver Surfer!