Satan Is A Frustrated Hermaphrodite

More fun from Jeff Dugger: A Small Voice FAQ

Many who agree with your stance on Gen. 6 allege that Satan and Eve had sex producing Cain. Do you agree to this teaching? Absolutely not! God's word clearly states that Cain was the product of Adam and Eve (Gen. 4:1). There is no passage in Scripture where a sexual union between Satan and Eve is ever spoken of. Those who promote otherwise speak directly against God's written word. (Our research reveals Satan to be a very frustrated and hermaphroditic entity. Hence, there is hardly any chance at all of Eve ever being able to become impregnated by such a creature. Hermaphrodites don't reproduce very easily according to God's laws of physics.)

COG: "Earth Cake" or Fruitcake?

The "earth cake" theory.  Bet you never heard that one preached in a COG before have you? It certainly sounds more interesting than hearing HWA bellow on about the two trees week after week.

Here is what Jeff Dugger from A Small Voice has to say:

This "earth-cake" theory asserts that God placed the pre-fallen Lucifer on Earth (along with one third of the angels), to better complete what was supposed to have been an already perfect creation. God does not create in any other fashion than perfection. The analogy of the Earth being represented as a baked cake with the angels being ordered to frost the unfinished sweet concoction is often thrust forward as an explanation. Another analogy in this same line of reasoning portrays Earth as a piece of newly constructed furniture, with the angels being sent by God to sand, stain and varnish our planet to a final and better completed product. 


Scripture never states that God placed Lucifer on Earth to do any type of finishing work at all, unless one assumes God to be represented symbolically as the red dragon of Rev. 12--which is wholly impossible. This theory attempts to show that Lucifer was transformed from super-angel into the Devil while on Earth, and subsequently traveled to Heaven in an attempt to knock God from His throne. However, the text cannot possibly support such a scenario. It's abundantly clear from Rev. 12:3-4 that it was Satan, no longer the good guy super-angel, who was responsible for sending one third of the angels to Earth, and not God.

Instead of "earth cake" I think this more aptly describes him:

UCG's Unique Money Saving Plan

The WCG always had a liberal policy of reimbursing ministers for personal items.  This ranged anywhere from household food, alcohol, lawn care, clothing, and even condoms and women's sanitary supplies.  Many times there would be really strange things purchased and the church would pay for it.

Then the huge blow-up happened and tens of thousands went off to form new church corporations where these procedures were carried over.  UCG though, but the brakes on reimbursement for alcohol last year soon after COGWA split off.  I am sure this was a huge disappointment to several in the UCG ministry. Some of them are well know for their prolific alcohol collections and consumption.

I wonder how many tens of thousands of dollars have been saved over the last year?

Malm: Animals Suffer To Teach Us A Lesson About Satan

One of the apostate apostle's acolytes wrote to him asking why animals have to suffer.  According to Malm, animals have to suffer in order to make us realize how mean Satan is so that we will not rebel against God in the Kingdom. 

My question to you is this. Why do you think a Loving and merciful God lets millions of animals suffer everyday all over the world.
No one has answered this for me. With your wisdom and relationship with the almighty you may understand this.
Thank You

Right now this world belongs to Satan and God is letting Satan have his way within certain limits. Even humanity suffers greatly. In the kingdom God will take away the wild nature of even the beasts and the lion will lie peacably with the lamb and the wolf will play with the kid.
It is also true that God creted all things for a purpose; some were created for sacrificial purposes to teach us lessons; others were reated for other purposes. We are to use what God has crated for the purposes that God intended and receive that with thanksgiving.
I dare say that all the suffering and death is to teach us so thoroughly that the ways of Satan and the results they bring are so hideous that we will get so full of the horror of iot that once eternity has come, we will never rebel as he did. James