UPDATED: Top Ten Reasons You Can Get Disfellowshipped From The Living Church Of God

From an LCG member:

TOP TEN REASONS YOU CAN GET DISFELLOWSHIPPED FROM THE

LIVING CHURCH OF GOD

(In the spirit of David Letterman)

10. Saying anything critical of the ministry

9. Facebook posts

8. Unconfirmed rumors

7. Not accepting the “Upgrades” (after all, that proves that your aren’t really converted)

6. Reading the Book of Enoch

5. Private Bible study or discussion (particularly on Friday nights)

4. Not quitting your job when HQ tells you to

3. Not tithing

2. Not attending (some have been recently dis-fellowshipped for “their disassociation with the Church”)

1. Execution of personal vendetta from Meredith or McNair

Here is another list from another reader:

10. Giving the same three boring sermons again and again… unless you are a Meredith.

9. Setting brethren against each other by telling lies about them… unless you are a Meredith.

8. Coveting widows’ inheritances… unless you are a Meredith.

7. Violating ministerial confidentiality… unless you are a Meredith.

6. Telling lies to the brethren… unless you are a Meredith.

5. Unsuccessfully repressing your gay lust for your boyhood wrestling buddy… unless you are a Meredith.

4. Coming to work under the influence of drugs and alcohol… unless your father is Rod Meredith.

3. Getting caught violating Charlotte building codes... unless your father is Rod Meredith.

2. Cheating on your wife by acting out sexually with an underage girl... unless your father is Rod Meredith.

1. Being too much like Jesus, and not enough like Rod, Little Jimmy, David, and the other Merediths.

You Might Be A Legalist If....

Legalists, whatever they may say, are miserable people. Life is a ledger and they are always trying to measure up. They feel better only through their own perceived performance or by judging the bad behavior of others. It is a zero-sum game which never ends; you can never rest. Liberty for Captives

1. I am continually scandalized by the driving habits of others. Yes or No.
2. I believe that God loves me more when I behave. Yes or No.
3. When I write a check to my church, I tithe to the penny. Yes or No.
4. I entirely avoid alcohol, makeup, or jewelry out of fear of contamination. Yes or No.
5. I usually stand out from the crowd because of my formal or conservative attire. Yes or No.
6. When I encounter another professing Christian, I find myself judging their appearance. Yes or No.
7. My good friends are all from one church or denomination. Yes or No.
8. When I miss a Saturday/Sunday service, I feel guilty. Yes or No.
9. When I miss any church activity, I feel guilty. Yes or No.
10. There are only a few Bible teachers who truly teach God’s Word. Yes or No.
11. When I sin, I feel guilty even after I ask God to forgive me. Yes or No.
12. I believe that small children should behave like miniature adults. Yes or No.
13. In a snow-covered parking lot, I feel anxious because I can’t see the parking lines. Yes or No.
14. When someone gives me a gift or does something kind for me, I feel unsettled until I can reciprocate. Yes or No.
15. I always clean my house thoroughly before anyone visits—even if they’re just popping by. Yes or No.
16. I want my children to avoid contact with sinful people. Yes or No.
17. I prefer to do things myself rather than accept help from people who are sloppy or less conscientious than I am. Yes or No.
18. There is a right way and a wrong way to do everything. Yes or No.
19. I believe that God is most glorified through my preferred style of music. Yes or No.
20. I believe that all scripture is equally applicable to my life. Yes or No.
21. I have had several conversion experiences but still doubt my salvation. Yes or No.
22. I have a sneaking suspicion that if Jesus returned while I was sinning, I would go to hell. Yes or No.
23. I take pleasure in reporting or punishing people who commit minor infractions. Yes or No.
24. I like to make an example out of wrongdoers. Yes or No.
25. I feel guilty when I exceed the speed limit by even a few miles per hour. Yes or No.
26. I avoid certain behaviors primarily because they are wrong, rather than because they are harmful. Yes or No.
27. I feel morally obligated to finish every book I start. Yes or No.
28. Others could describe me as bitter and depressed rather than joyful and kind. Yes or No.
29. I feel unlucky or cursed if I skip Bible reading or prayer. Yes or No.
30. I believe that God is more like a policeman and less like a fireman. Yes or No.