Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Dave Pack: "Prepare To Be Staggered and Stunned"

Satan has been thwarted.  Dave has his new web site up which such blaring tidbits as this:

Did you know that out of the 600 million web sites around world that NONE of them are as awesome and super duper as Dave's!

Today marks the debut of a completely new site. The website now takes its place among the most advanced in the world, eclipsing all other religious sites! 
The new site employs cutting-edge technology, and some features found nowhere else on the Internet’s 600 million websites...


Dave said...

Let me guess--Dave just cloned Armstrong's Your Incredible Human Potential or whatever the heck it was called. Here's my question--how is he financing all this?--you know, the buildings, the book, etc.
I can't believe he has that many followers, anyone got a rough estimate on how many? I mean--what's the appeal?--he's not charismatic or a very good speaker. He certainly isn't good looking. He doesn't seem to have any of the qualities needed to muster a big following.

Anonymous said...

Talk about shock and awe! Here is a new bit of news:

The Church of God~ Speaking to the Remnant states that it is not racist. However, they have a new political party called, "Christian Political Awareness Party" which talks about "white America" and is even said to use the 'iron cross','German Eagle' and SWASTICA there is shock and awe!

Assistant Deacon said...

"Hidden...from all humanity for 2,000 years." Does anybody even believe that bullshit lie anymore?

Honestly, these lamebrains are beyond the pale.

Byker Bob said...

Well, obviously Dave Pack is very impressed with what he's doing. He's got what we call a personality cult going on, a church based largely on his own supposed charisma. I suppose there are actually one or two really charismatic homeless people floating around, too. But, people aren't lining up because of them to become homeless.

The problem with personal charisma is that the imitation which it inspires is generally very short lived, especially if the charismatic one is also toxic, and deals in lies.


Anonymous said...

The thing about DCP is this, what if the Truth which is the Kingdom of God comes, what then will he offer, if he and his members weren't used to empathy. love and compassion? Rule with a rod of iron on people that are beaten and desperate who just came out of World War 3?

DCP should face the fact that Truth without Love is only Self-righteousness. Rather they should go hand in hand.

I visited the Mormon Church site as somebody suggested, and he's right, it's better than the RCG's. How I wish DCP visits it too.

Like if somebody wanted to commit suicide and visits his RCG site, will the person stop doing so to read his books? Probability is, that person will think twice when he visits the Mormon site.

And excuse me, I read the arguments of the Mormons and Catholics in the they are decent and educated. Why do the COGs and Baptists are so rude with one another?


Stan said...

@ Anonymous re attitudes of different denominations

Probably shows with whom the Holy Spirit is really working with.....

Dave said...

The Mormon's beliefs are so whacked and literally out of this world that they make the COG's look normal which of course they are not.Being polite,friendly and nice doesn't make their absurd and outrageous beliefs and doctrines acceptable. Let's face it--people are into religion because it is their way of dealing with their fear of death.

Anonymous said...

Exactly what is so staggering and stunning about the website?

It was sort of like the way HWA promoted his "Mystery of the Ages" book, and I simply didn't find it the greatest work ever written. Actually, it was quite boring.

Anonymous said...

We know what Dave Pack had come up with as a result of immersing himself in HWA's "inspired materials"
But, what if Dave takes the "Pepsi Challenge" and compares his website to the Mormon website?
What will be the Superest Duperest Newerest Truths revealed to Davey Pack as a result of him perusing the Mormon website's "Joseph Smith inspired materials"?

Well, ask no more! (Can anyone say, "hybrid"?)
Thankfully, I have the REAL Holy Spirit(not that crappy fake kind that most others have), so I can tell you EXACTLY what Davey's Newest Super Duper Truths will be!
Hold onto your hats because it's more fun than Disney World's "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride"!..................

Here's what the Holy Spirit says will be on Davey's Newer and Improveder Restored Church of God website (in three to five years)---

Greetings, friends!
Hopefully you will all have "ears to hear" (although God has given me these giant "Dumbo ears", so I can hear a lot more truths than you can.)

Recently, while I was praying and meditating, the Angel Moron came upon me, told me to bring a shovel, and led me into the woods behind my yard.
The Angel Moron then positioned me, saying, "a little more to the left", a "oops, just a bit more to the right", "ok, about a half step backwards".
The Angel Moron then told me to dig in that spot (with the enthuasism of HWA checking on people's tithe records), which I did, under the light of a full moon that night.
Not wanting to damage it, I got down on my knees and dug the rest of the way by hand, like I was training for the Olympics, doing the doggy paddle.

I had no clue what the mysterious writing on the platinum swim shorts was about.
But then, the Angel Moron told me, "The answer lies with the King from the North!"

So I looked in a northerly direction. At the end of the woods there was a street, with a hot dog cart with "Hot Dog King" written on the side of the cart, and a man yelling, "Hot dogs! Getta your kosher hot dogs! We giva free "Seer-Swim-Goggles" with evera hotta dogga purchase!"
I quickly bought a hot dog and got my free "Seer-Swim-Goggles"!
And when I put the "Seer-Swim-Goggles" on, I could read all the writing engraved on the platinum swim shorts I had dug up!

(Part 2 of 2 to follow.)

Anonymous said...

(This is part 2 of 2)

These New Truths are AMAZING! Here are a few-

* Herbert W Armstrong (the Bible’s first “true human being”) was a God!
* There are several levels of Heaven.
* In order to gain entrance into the highest form of Packatollah heaven, you must accept Herbert W Armstrong as a God.
* In order to gain entrance into the highest form of Packatollah heaven, you must also be baptized in a secret ritual at the Magnificent World Headquarters Temple, (built over the site where the sacred PLATINUM SWIM SHORTS with SECRET CALLIGRAPHY were buried and waited for Dave C Pack to dig them up for over 1900 years), and
* You must admit to God and others that you accept the Truth of "Pack-legamy"
* You must say that you believe in "Pack-legamy" and are a Pack-legamist.
* At the Packatollah Magnificent World Headquarters Temple, Wadsworth, Ohio, USA, you must undergo the Holy Baptism ceremony. First, I, Davey P "with a word to the G", knock you into the baptismal pool.
Due to the steep angle of the pool's sides, you will either drown or live. The four corners of this ritual baptismal pool have tall sculptures representing my skinny chicken legs, rising tall from the pool.
To escape drowning after baptism, you must climb up onto one of my eight chicken legs, grab onto my overtight swim shorts, and swing yourself over to the edge and out of the pool.
Then, and only then, can you truly understand the Truth of "Pack-legamy"
While trying not to die, with the hot mist rising from the water, while you climb a Pack leg to try and stay alive, might be the right time for you to admit to God that you are a "Pack-leggymist"

* And there's more AMAZING truths................

* There’s a whole bunch of Packatollah "magical protective garments” for sale now!
All are in the form of swim shorts.
Plus, if a tree falls on you and you are wearing "Davey's magical protective SUPERTIGHT swim shorts”, its guaranteed that you will still be able to write your next tithe check, even if Davey has to send a minister your way to help you write it!

* However, "Davey's magical protective SUPERTIGHT swim shorts" will NOT PROTECT YOU from the tribulation if you are a fat colored chick, for the following reasons-
1) "Davey's magical protective SUPERTIGHT swim shorts" are only available in sizes up to Women's size 14 and if your ass is way bigger than that(God's chariot swings down low, but it doesn't swing down "J-Lo"), and ...
2) If your ass is that big it may block the cave entrances in Petra, putting the kaibash on manna collection.

* Remember that Jesus Christ was a Pack-leggymist. (According to scripture, nothing is new under the sun, so there must have been 'Pack-leggymists' in ancient times!)

* The God Herbert W Armstrong lives on Planet Floglog.
In Planet Floglog's crater known as "Lake Loma", Mr. Armstrong does everything and anything you think he should be doing.


Steve Kisack said...

Who said there's nothing new under the sun? This is brand new original stuff. I couldn't have come up with anything this stupid. Ha!

Byker Bob said...

Maybe some day these ACOG ministers will take a half hour to read Paul's Epistle to the Galatians. Anyone who does that is going to know exactly what legalism is, and will also know that neither the law, nor legalism can save. Failure of ministries based on legalism is inevitable.

As the world emerged from the Dark Ages, and the Bible became available for general reading, it was the Epistle to the Galatians that really ignited the Reformation.

Cliff's Notes: We are saved by faith in Jesus Christ, and grace. Not by the law. You can't qualify for salvation, or earn it, by law keeping. Legalism is actually a form of idolatry.


Anonymous said...

"Maybe some day these ACOG ministers will take a half hour to read Paul's Epistle to the Galatians."

LOL! All have read it.

Anonymous said...

Norm, that was a long letter regarding Pack-ism. Obviously, you are so angry at DCP. It's like I can hear your breathing as you were typing. Are you an ex-RCG? Such a waist of time you did that letter. . . Somebody said, it was told in RCG that most bloggers are ex-ministers of COGs. Is that true? Pastors, elders, deacons? What has happened to these men?

Anonymous said...

Pack is whack, Jack!

Actually, I was chuckling as I typed it.
No, I was never in RCG.
Both RCG and the LDS are so "out there" that you just gotta laugh about them sometimes.

The idea of the Packatollah "mormonizing" his church, I found humorous, so I thought I'd share.


Anonymous said...

Not to be outdone by Pack, behold Flurry's brand new website design.