Monday, November 26, 2012

God Speaks Out On The New Morality...oops...Malm Speaks Out On Good Sex

The apostle is weighing in on what makes for good and proper Christian sex (in marriage, of course.)

This are the things REQUIRED in addition to all the other myriad of laws apostle Malm demands that you be keeping.

1)   A wife is almost always in a state of readiness for sex if her husband is loving, caring and affectionate.  The golden rule applies in marriage; please others if you expect them to please you.
A good marriage and good sex starts when you wake up each day:  Are you grumpy, of a sour disposition, in a bad temper?  Demanding, selfish, controlling in too many little things?  Learn to lighten up and ease off, to be affectionate and cooperative with your spouse.
Are you a bully demanding obedience because your are the husband?  or demanding your “rights” as a wife?Then you do not deserve respect because you seek to demand it instead of earning it.

If you really, really need to have sex and your partner does not then you need to sit down and explain why you NEED it!

Instead of demanding, sit down and carefully explain why it is needed and ask for and discuss any input.  Show R E S P E C T for each other if you want respect yourself. Yes  the husband, and that means that YOU must set the example, and lead the way; you have no right to be a bullying abuser in word or action.  Yet the husband can and should also observe and learn from the example of his wife.

When you men don't want to have sex you had better think about that more deeply.  There is a really good chance you wife may be a "prophetess" in the kingdom and will be ruling over you.  So it's better not to piss her off now!

Do you not know that many women have been called to be prophetesses by Christ?  Do you not know that in the Kingdom your wife may rule over you?  You had better be ruling the way that you want to be ruled yourself!  For we shall all, if we overcome, be a part of the bride of Christ and we should all be ruling our families in the same manner that we hope Christ will rule over us.

Clean sex is good sex!  True Christians don't do smelly sex.

2)   Nothing turns a person off as quickly as atrocious breath or a stinky sweaty body.  To keep your mate interested, and to prevent infections:  always be scrupulously CLEAN.
Take a shower before sex!  Better yet; take it together!

Before you say Good Morning:  Ask God to help you to choose your words carefully, to keep you far from being peevish, demanding and mean mouthed.

Husbands have NO rights within the marriage except to act for the good of and in the best interest of the family at all times; in keeping with all of his marriage vows.

Wives have NO rights within the marriage except to act for the good of and in the best interest of the family at all times;in keeping with all of her marriage vows .

The husband does have authority, even as god has authority.  I am writing about HOW that authority should be used; which is for the GOOD of the whole family and NOT for personal advantage or personal ego inflation.

The wife should obey her husband, even if it hurts her pride and interferes with what she desires.
If the husband uses his authority rarely and wisely, explaining and consulting on matters with his wife and respecting her needs and input and coming to agreement through wise instruction; then things will run much better than demanding obedience.

Gentlemen, that is the difference between leadership and bullying.

A leader who is wise and leads by EXAMPLE and teaching; will have far more respect than a bully.
Having a meeting of minds; makes for a very satisfying meeting of bodies in marriage.


Anonymous said...

what's sex?


Douglas Becker said...

Advice from a divorced Apostle.

How much credibility does he have?

How much success do you think you will have if you follow his advice?

He makes it seem more like the war of the sexes some how.

Anonymous said...

Ever wonder why it is always single and childless, far as we can tell, disciples, apostles and even gods that get to tell everyone how to be married, raise kids and live with others?

Makes no sense.

Head Usher said...

Something gives me the feeling that these are all life lessons that the apostle learned the hard way, and that if he had it all to do over again, these are all the mistakes he would try extra hard not to make again.

Take for example the following: "Are you grumpy, of a sour disposition, in a bad temper? Demanding, selfish, controlling in too many little things? Learn to lighten up and ease off, to be affectionate and cooperative with your spouse."

Unfortunately, the apostle certainly comes across on a regular basis as demanding and controlling in WAAAAY too many little things. It's too late to expect him to learn to lighten up and ease off at this point. He's an old dog and these are the only tricks he knows.

Now that he's covered Onan and let us know that it doesn't forbid masturbation, how much do you wanna bet he's through talking about that? Since he's divorced, he knows his right hand is his best friend and he also knows everyone else can figure this out.

I don't know why such a repressed anal retent as the apostle would want to cover the topic of sex in the first place. I would think that he would consider it to be mostly a distraction from his tight weekly schedule of six 18-hour days of wall-to-wall sabbath preparation.

Sane Con said...

Head Usher,

When religious leaders control the sex lives of their members, they also control every facet of their life. Malm's just doing what it takes to control the masses like any other religious leader.

Anonymous said...

It is my understandind that when Abraham and Moses were given religious rituals and practices to observe, they were already familiar with many of the them. They were being used by other (pagan) religions. What God had them do was "decontextualize" them, place a new meaning to them and use them in their new religion. With regards to circumcision, Abraham was not shocked and puzzled by the command from God. He did not say to God, "Let me see if I have this correct. You want me to cut off the end of my penis?" The Christian church did the same in the time of Constantine, he took pagan symbols, attached new meaning to them and incorporated them into Christianity. Armstrong made such a big deal when he spoke of something as being "pagan." But, what should you expect from someone who had more ego than education?

Head Usher said...

A valid point also, Sane. Something we can add to the list of other things that Malm is grumpy, sour, demanding, and controlling about.

Anonymous said...

You people are disgusting! Why do you mock God's messengers? Mr. Malm is trying to wake up a sick Church of God that has abandoned the TRUTH! Perhaps you should heed the warning in scriptures on what happens to those that mock God's anointed. I don't want to be anywhere near you on judgement day when you receive the punishment you deserve!

Anonymous said...

James Malm is "god's anointed"? When did god anoint him? How did god anoint him? What makes you so sure that god really has anointed him? And which god are we talking about anyway?

Regarding the ACOGs, maybe you should read the self-appointed apostle's writings a little more closely. According to Malm, Herbert never had "The Truth." So how could the "church of god" abandon something it never had? How could it have "fallen asleep" if it never had the opportunity to be "awake" in the first place? My attempts to rationalize your conflicting statements points me toward the conclusion that you believe James Malm has assumed the mantle of the real one and only end time apostle and Herbert was just a cheap imposter. I'm sure we'd mostly agree on Malm's descriptions of Herbert, but Malm isn't any better, just different.

The pharisees weren't "god's anointed," either and Malm is nothing more than a modern pharisee. You'd do well to recognize that.

Anonymous said...

Good sex? Well, we ought to ask James if he knows the meaning of the word "queef".