Friday, July 5, 2013

Dave Pack: He's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Installment 21

We are in for another weekly treat from Davey Pack, the worlds most important man to ever have walked the earth since Jesus Christ was here, who runs the worlds most superfantabulous church, and who has taken on the mantle of apostle, Elijah, Joshua, Jesus, and Aunt Jemimah.  The world is in such a better place since Davey was conceived by immaculate conception decades ago.  No man more perfect has ever walked the earth since sinless Jesus Christ.  Sinless and without guile, not a filthy rag anywhere on the dude.

Dave writes about the miraculous event to happen this August when his puny, impotent, pissy god kills off three Church of God leaders so that all of their members will join Davey's cult.

He writes:

"...all brethren will be reunited this summer, in time to attend the Feast of Tabernacles together in 2013."
Of course for this to happen any worthwhile COG leader must have countless bullet points on why it is to happen or things members need to believe.  Weinerdude Weinland has 57 points necessary for salvation.  Davey has 24 points necessary to understand his asinine reasoning.

This announcement presents 24 reasons for this timing. There is much proof

Any truly educated and well trained speaker knows that for an effective speech to have meaning for the audience it should have no more than 5 points.

  • Limit number to two or three for short speech, not more than five for long speech.  Organizing Your Speech 

Does any COG leader ever follow that standard?  Not on your life!  All of us have heard COG sermons with the minister giving countless points to get a message across in an hour to hour and half sermon?  An effective speaker can get their point across in 20-30 minutes instead of the mind numbingly boring drivel they dish out over the next 90 minutes.  

Who wants to sit there through 24 - 57 f-ing points?

Oh, and you can't even understand the points till you understand the hidden code which only the fearless leader has knowledge of.

Preparation for understanding them begins with understanding of the day and the month of the prophecy’s fulfillment. Grasping how these dates appear in code paves the way to seeing how God has hidden the year until the time of fulfillment, when He would have to reveal it in advance. And He must do this in a way that is clear and certain to His people who are preparing for it.

The only code Jesus ever came with is,  love your God and love your neighbor.  2 small itty-bitty points that carry far more weight that some jackass in Wadsworth bellowing out 24 points that can only be understood once you understand the code first.


Michael said...

God i can't wait till August! :-)

Anonymous said...

Why do Pack-Man and his 24 Points remind me (24?!?!? Oh, my --) but not seriously, it made me think of some income tax service TV spots of yore: "Hi, I'm Dave Pack, with another of my 24 reasons why you should believe my stupid crap . . . ." If you actually read them (not recommended unless suffering from insomnia), MORE THAN ONE boils down to him saying, "Well, I just think it ought to be time!" SHUT UP, Dave, and go away!