Here is the new UCG split that happened today! Now this is one I can join!
Tenets of Baconism
- In the beginning there was the Big Bang, which begat all of time and space. Eventually sacrificial pigs evolved and the god of bacon did come to be.
- Bacon is our god, bacon is not jealous, you may have other gods or no gods before bacon.
- All baconism requires of you is the love of the smell of bacon. You need not even participate in the most holy sacrament of eating bacon, though that’d be weird.
- It would be nice if, as some other religions teach, you would love your neighbor and be a generally nice, moral person.
- We are entirely different from those who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster, for we prefer our pasta on top of our bacon, while they prefer their bacon on top of their pasta. But that’s cool. Again, we accept everyone who loves the smell of bacon. Also, bacon is real.
- As you would not have anyone steal your bacon, baconists shall not tolerate the personal violation of any other person.
- Bacon never reveals it’s gender. When sizzling Prophet John was unable to determine the sound was that of a sensitive male or assertive female. It seemed the more you turned up the heat, the more aggressive bacon got. But the Prophet John knows it is not an important question, knowing that the only requirement of baconism is the love of the smell of bacon.
- Baconists love those of all races, backgrounds, sexual orientations, genders and beliefs, and they in turn love the divine smell. The smell of bacon is bestowed equally on all people (except those who have no sense of smell, for whom baconists feel much pity)
- Unlike the churches of other religions, baconists pay taxes and do not ask for donations, unless it is to subsidize the pork industry.
- Always keep learning. Accept new scientific findings, as need be. May Reason and Evidence guide you.