Sunday, March 25, 2018

New Church of God Media Ministry Starts Off With Fornicating Pick Up Artists

For decades the various Churches of God have sought ways to reach new converts.  Some things they have come up with have been rather good, and others things that should have been relegated to the trash bin of history.

This brings us to today, and oh what a stinker we have to see!  Our very own Almost-arrested but not-arrested, Almost-ordained, but not-ordained, Elijah Amos, Joshua, Zechariah, End-time Witness, prophet, apostle, future martyr, Mayan authority, Catholicism authority, end time prophecy authority, Doubly-blessed but not blessed to start a church, Bwana Dr. Robert Thiel has started his new Animation Channel in order to convert the minds of young people into the "truth once given."

Like any good Church of God leader, Bwana Bob starts his very first animation with the Church of God's favorite topic, prophecy and the end times, sex!

Should a first date be between two experienced pickup artists interested in fornication? Or should it be between a man and a woman who would like to actually know each other better? Does the Bible give any guidelines that Christians who date should pay attention to? If so, what are some? This brief animation shows a worldly pickup date at a bar, and an inelegant, but appropriate request for a date in a more open environment. Dating should be fun and involve communication, and not regrets. So, check out our animation on worldly vs. Christian dating.

What makes this video doubly worse is that the Doubly-blessed Thiel is the voice of the animation!  Imagine being a youth and having to listen to this shit!  Oy!

Doesn't that make you want to immediately sign up for Bob's cult!   It is no wonder the Churches of God are dying when this kind of crap is being used as a "witnessing" tool.

Bwana Bob's goal is to reach the unconverted youth of the world with this.  By roping them in with this, they will then spend endless hours memorizing the law.  After all, the law is more important than Jesus.

As usual, there has never been a COG in human history who has EVER thought of doing such a thing.  It is unique to Bwana Bob, exclusively!  Eat your heart out Dave Pack!

In order to help get information out to a wider audience, we in the Continuing Church of God have decided to produce some short animations that we plan to initially put up on YouTube. 
This may be somewhat unique to us as I personally have never been part of a church that used a lot of animations (I only remember a two-minute animation in the 1970s used once as part of a World Tomorrow telecast related to Gehenna fire). The first CCOG animation is related to dating and our forthcoming booklet on the subject.
To try to reach all, we must also consider their demographics. Younger people are looking for more short bursts of information, and people are more used to being entertained in modern times.
Bwana Bob considers this to be "starter food" or in other words, baby pablum. 

So, while we will continue to have sermons, long articles, etc. (stronger meat), we are looking to provide some basic information (milk, starter food) in forms that more would be comfortable to start with. Plus, everyone who has been around for a long times does not always need strong meat. God made a variety of physical foods, and in CCOG we are trying to provide a variety of spiritual foods (magazines, websites, sermonette videos, sermon videos, personal contacts, visits around the world, baptizing trips, youth camps, church and holy day services, radio appearances, and now also videos). Radio appearances, of which I have done over 100 since CCOG formed, should be considered mainly along the “milk of the word” line. 
And what is the lofty end goal of attracting these youth to the improperly named "continuing" Church of God?

Consistent with biblical admonitions, we need to “Memorize his laws and tell them to your children over and over again” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, CEV) as well as “turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers” (Malachi 4:6). 

Since very young children tend to have their hearts turned towards their parents and vice versa, I have long believed we need to, in addition to teaching parents (which is something we have always striven to do), better reach young people in their teens and above. Animations look to be one way to do that (and yes, church youth camps, which we have each year are also another specific step we have taken). 
But let it be understood that while the use of animations is mainly focused on people from age 13 to 30, animations should also be effective for people of almost all ages.
Forget about teaching the youth about Jesus, memorizing the law and talking about fornication and sex is more important!

Also, like any good Armstrongite, Bwana Bob trots out Herbert Armstrong to justify his new animation ministry:

Notice something that the late Pastor General of the old Worldwide Church of God, Herbert W. Armstrong, had in the last letter sent out before his death: 
It may be that the Work that God has given me to do is complete, but not the Work of God’s Church, which will be faithfully doing God’s Work till Christ, the True Head of this Church, returns … Remember brethren, this is not the work of Herbert W. Armstrong … The greatest work lies ahead … Never before in the history of the Church has it been possible to reap so great a harvest. It has only been made possible through modern technology, beginning with the printing press, radio, television ... Each of you must commit yourself to support God’s Work … God’s work must push ahead as never before. God is opening up new doors in television(Letter, 1/10/86). 
The use of animations looks to be a door that we can use to reach others that we may not otherwise reach as well as those not as likely to want to read long articles and/or to watch long sermons. Hopefully, after watching animations, many will want to learn more.
The use of online television services like YouTube, and modern computer software to make animations, is a NEW DOOR IN TELEVISION. 
My hope and prayer is that the short animations, combined with relevant free book offers, will help others develop more interest in true Christianity. This is another way to get the witness out to the world.
How in the world is this kind of legalistic crap going to point anyone towards "true" Christianity?  It certainly cannot be found in the improperly named "continuing" Church of God!


Anonymous said...

Reminds me of a group called "family of god" or "children of god". They used porn to gain converts, it was something, I think, called "fishers of men".

Anonymous said...

I have to wonder if they are using a third-party animator such as Pixton for the production of these animations. I can't see them developing their own software for this purpose.

If so - they may want to carefully read the terms of services, because I see a copyright for the CCOG on the entire animation but no copyright notices usually required for the animation company or even credit. In most of these services that would constitute a violation of Terms of Service. For instance, Pixton (I'm not saying that's what they're using, I do not know) states you cannot:

delete or modify any copyright or other intellectual property notices on Pixton or Your Comics (and if any of Your Comics are split and reproduced on more than one page, then the notices must be reproduced on each page);

I am pretty sure other corps have the same legal disclaimers. For any person or organization to remove or not credit the animation program is deceptive - it makes it seem like the CCOG is the animation program developer and does not give appropriate credit to the animation program. If there is credit given to the animation company, someone fill me in because I did not see it. I am fairly confident that CCOG did not develop this animation software.

BTW, this is not "persecution". It is simply noticing something that probably was not done that most probably should have been done, unless I missed something or the animation program they're using doesn't care or want credit, and doesn't care CCOG has apparently copyrighted the whole thing?

Also using a third party animation program paid for monthly also carries strict content guidelines. Though I didn't see any here, you're limited because of your content. Things in the religious field can be interpreted differently then intended. Third party companies can take liberties if they feel an animation is "hateful", for instance.

Bottom line - IF, and I mean IF, because I do not know for sure, IF CCOG is using a third party animation program for their purposes, copyrighted it as their own, and did not give credit to the animation program developers, or made it appear the animation program is their development when it is not - that seems deceptive to me at least. I'm not a legal expert, by any means. But if I am right, they could be setting themselves up for some problems due to an amateur mistake. At the very least, at least to me, it's extremely deceptive to call the YouTube page "CCOG Animations" without giving credit to the animation program.

Someone correct me if I have missed something.

Hoss said...

As Yosemite Sam has said, The critter went and done it...
Not a bad first amateur attempt; although the "date" characters sounded a bit dull, the character Bob voiced didn't wave his arms or have a distracting background, and had an appropriately oversized head.
One thing that was noticeably missing from the date was the parting ritual that was popular in my WCG church area: The Shake. I don't know who started it, but we always ended our dates with a handshake...

Dennis Diehl said...

Lord have mercy.....

Anonymous said...

I don't know who started it, but we always ended our dates with a handshake..

Um - we started and ended EVERYTHING with handshakes. To the point where we were judging others base ON our handshakes. I don't even want to think about how many germs were spread and contributed to illness because we were constantly handshaking!!! I'm surprised we didn't have Hand-Shaking University!! "The Shaking of Hands is the Beginning of Friendship"????

And to this day I remember some handshakes as being exceedingly creepy. And I do mean exceedingly.

Anonymous said...

What in the name of all that's holy did I just watch?!?!

Percy Q. Ted said...

It sure is a good thing that everything is so simple for all the young people in Bob's Christian PurityWorld™. They never have to deal with little things like attraction, nervousness, lack of rapport, rejection, being judged as a naïve, too nice milquetoast or uncool, and are, apparently, boring as fuck all the time. No one ever has to wonder whether anyone else has ever dared to do something exciting like "break" a "rule" before. That's something that has yet to be thought of in Bob's Serpent-Free Garden of Eden. Nobody's tempted to cross a line in Bob's asexual PurityWorld™ because it hasn't dawned upon them that there is any such thing as a line, or that it's possible to do anything that might amount to crossing it.

Turning Boring-Old-Fart-Bob into an animated character that is equally uninteresting isn't going to help him connect with young people, especially when he's trying to saddle them with non-starter sure-fire-loser grandpa baggage from the 19th century. What's next? Should gentleman callers leave their calling cards?

Lake of Fire Church of God said...

I have said it before and I will say it again - How does an animation on dating further Almost Arrested Doubly Blessed Elijah Ezekial Prophet Dr. Bitter Bob Thiel's role as the Prophet of the Armstrong Churches of God?

If they had the technology to do so, would a Prophet in the Bible spend time on creating an animation flick about dating? Or would they be busy PROPHECYING 100 percent of their time?

Thiel is all over the place. I am reminded of James 1:8 which appears to apply to Thiel, "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways".

Bob Thiel, again I ask - Are you a Prophet OR are you a Pastor General? Or, are you double-minded and you can't decide on which one you are?


Anonymous said...

The problem with the splinter groups is that they may be out of touch with the real world. Who is going to be motivated by this video? 17 and 18 year olds? Are they?

Hoss said...

Anon 352: Yes, it was members of the Children of God who did FFing - "Flirty Fishing".

Byker Bob said...

Google “Chick Tracts”.

Back when National Lampoon was in its heyday, my brothers and I and our general circle of friends used to avidly latch on to and devour it each month. For our post non-apocalyptic times of the disappointment, It was just an incredible satire of life as we knew it, and a great way to make light of all of the faked signs of the end times which we had been spoon-fed. In one of the early issues was a satire of the miniature sized Jack Chick comic books (they’d fit in the palm of your hand) that people would buy in bulk, and leave in odd places like the bathrooms of all-night restaurants, as tools of evangelism. These comics would portray one of life’s problems, and then present Jesus Christ as the solution. Jack Chick Is dead now, but his work with these little comics has been continued by others in the years since his death.

They were corny. But, they were obviously also effective. At one time, I used to read them for a good laugh. My favorite one was called “The Sissy”. The preview on the cover showed a big burly truck driver puffing on a cigarette, pulled over to pick up a hitch-hiker. The caption read “Hank had always thought that Jesus was a sissy, but he was about to learn from a stranger that Jesus was the toughest man who ever lived!” In a crude sort of way, Jack Chick knew how to target specific people from the greater audience.

Bob Thiel may see something in animations that could actually work for mainstream Christianity (although really, how many readers here would know about Jack Chick comics if I had not called your attention to them?) However, the only way that I can see them working for Armstrongism would be Basil Wolverton apocalypse style. At the local pick up bar, have a German tank plow through the east wall, and AK-47 wielding soldiers herding up the bar patrons, with the message, “Yes, it seems that it’s all over for our friends this evening at the Shangri La, but will this happen to you? Protection and safety are available! You can learn how and why from ........... He’s got all the answers.”

Reality is, in the hands of Bob Thiel, animation is most likely another project which will end up being very self-limiting. In addition to being totally uncool, he’s also missed the time and date stamp for Armstrongism by several decades.


Anonymous said...

I think they should show this to 15 to 18 year olds in a room with no adults and a hidden camera. I bet they would have something to say about it.

Anonymous said...

This video tells us much about Dr. Bob's actual pastoral priorities.

Does he care about producing a video that is meaningful to the majority of his church's membership? Apparently not!

Does he instead prefer to produce a video that is meaningful to his church's wealthier American members? Absolutely!

If Bwana Bob actually cared about pastoral support of his African membership, we wouldn't be seeing this video. I wonder, though, how his African members -- many of whom do have Internet access -- will react to the narrow American cultural context of this supposedly spiritual guidance?

True Bread said...

That was the worst ever video I have seen on Youtube. He has no idea about dating, or who his target market young single person in this Millennial generation will ever watch this nonsense. I made it to about 3 mins in, then my eyes couldn't take it anymore...with the world imploding and as the antichrist Trump comes on the scene,Bob feels he needs to make videos about dating....madness.

Connie Schmidt said...

Watch out "South Park" , Prophet Bobby Thiel's cartoons are soon to replace you!

Anonymous said...

Here is how today's generation is going to respond to this cartoon:

"Holy #$(*# this video is whacked... "Why the #($*%#( would I want to listen to some Christian wacko from the Continuing Church of God about dating? I've got to post this so others can get a load out of this crap." Todays kids are all about science, community, and changing the world from the threats they live in. They are on a mission. Today, they were busy marching for action because they are scared to go into school anymore. That's what's important to them - not some unknown person in what they consider a completely irrelevant bronze age religion preaching at them about how to date, trying to tell them what to do.

As soon as kids hear "Christians will want to heed what the Apostle Paul wrote" - they're out. They. Don't Care. They do not want to be preached at, and that's exactly what this video starts to do - preach at them. This is the fastest way to turn a modern kid off in this generation.

Modern churches have youth ministry pretty much down pat. Fast paced services that use drama and music. Pastors who can relate to them - not by preaching at them, but by relating to them.

The saddest thing in the COG world is that these ministers (or in this case, self-appointed wanna-be's) who try to reach out to today's kids have absolutely no clue what they are doing or how to be even a little bit effective. What you don't want to do is preach at them. I'll give one little thumbs up: He used music with guitars. That's one small step. But everything else? Clueless, pointless, and misses the mark completely.

Anonymous said...

This is typical of HWA ministers who only know how to 'live' in a closed system where their victims can't escape. It's like those 'Kitchen nightmare' TV programs where domestic tyrants try to run a restraint, expecting their customers to put up with the same crap as their family members.
They can't operate in the real world.

Little wonder that many former Herb ministers are courting God, trying to get their old jobs back. This is without them even repenting. They bargain with God telling Him that they will be less oppressive. Where's reality. Look how spoilt they are.
The holy spirit confirmed this to me. And yeah, I can't prove this to you, blah, blah, blah.

Anonymous said...

Thiel and other leaders like him never seem to stop to ask the question, "Am I doing what God really wants me to do?" They just play-act their idea of being a church leader, whatever it may be.

Now we see James Malm making a very predictable comment on his blog:

26 Mar: The past year has been very difficult and we are in financial need. Our sites are not supported by a large tithing organization and depend on contributions from our visitors. If you have found our sites helpful and would like to help out, please remember me in your prayers and please consider sending a much needed offering.

Were it another leader, Malm would correctly comment, "God isn't blessing that leader or that work. Why are they fighting God?"

The Bible isn't clear about the exact calendar date of Christ's return (Malm should know this, as his speculations have continued to fail), but it is clear about at least one thing. Christ said, "My sheep hear My voice, and they follow Me." When a so-called shepherd starts blaming the flock for lack of support, this is a sure sign that he is a wolf, not a shepherd.

As for Bwana Bob, will the women in his African congregations start to rise up and demand the right to date widely and be treated like American women before they select a husband? This could be fun to watch.

Hoss said...

Byker Bob wrote Google "Chick Tracts"

Yes, I remember seeing those, a popular evangelical giveaway at one time.
Also the Children of God's "Mo letters" - but the people who handed those out were like the JWs, wanting a 10c donation...
Now we have a new mini-message in the media, ThielToons.

Anonymous said...

4.44 AM
Malm still has the occasional good technical article that I find educational. I don't think wolf is the right label for him. After all, he doesn't run a physical church and is financially struggling.

RSK said...

Is that how Bob thinks dating works? She cant even finish the drink before he zips in for the "my place" proposition?? Is this the Bill Cosby method?

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to say Mr. Thiel, but that was plain awful from start to finish.

I hope this production was funded by yourself only, for God-forbid tithe payers contributed to that nonsense.

A helpful suggestion for you Mr. Thiel; you need to get a counsel of elders yesterday. And if there are not 12 persons available to you, I would think you could find twelve contributors from this blog to give you wise council.

Anonymous said...

I don't read Malm, but does he actually come out and admit he wants to make a living from his site? After all, his PC, internet service, web site domains, and online storage cost $500 at most. He needs you to pay his rent....

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Sorry Bwana Bob bu ta glass of cheap house wine won't cut it. And women are not that easy.
How insulting Bob is.At least I think he is insulting.

Anonymous said...

Anon 3:39 yelled:


I just wonder, how many of those views are from us? I also saw, last time I checked, just 4 likes. That would be Bob, the Animator probably.... hmm.. two others. Oh yes, probably his wife, and.... anyone know if they have a lil' puppy dog? Or maybe a cute kitty cat?

It is amusing to me to watch someone with so much hubris believe they are doing such a miraculous work. I have seen cat videos on Youtube get that amount of views in 5 MINUTES.

And believe me, cat videos are far more entertaining and better produced than this poorly produced video. The sound quality itself is superior. But! Hey! At least with animations, you won't see any crooked bookcases or old curtains!!

Bob should really stop pretending he has such a high calling and do something he's actually good at doing. Really, he seems like he has some skills in there. Playing church isn't one of them.

I fed Thiel bacon while in LCG said...

those 120 some hits on his animation site are mostly from that of us here. 123 from us and the rest from his family. as if anyone of his members in Africa cares about first world sexual mores.

Lake of Fire Church of God said...

Anonymous 2:26 PM asked the same question I was about to post but his post beat me. Of the 127 views, how many were driven by readers of Banned by HWA?

Seems Banned is doing a larger Worldwide Work than Almost Arrested Doubly Blessed Elijah Ezekial Dr. Prophet Bitter Bob Thiel.

This animation is laughable when considering that Thiel's departure from LCG and being Rod Meredith's cheerleader due to the Church's failure to recognize Bitter Bob as holding the office of Prophet - even though many of us heard Mr. Armstrong say there are no Prophets in the modern end time age.

Bitter Bob Thiel has no made himself the laughing stock of the Armstrong Churches of God. How can anyone take him seriously as a Prophet?

One positive of the absurd animation is the Bitter Bob character in the animation isn't waving his arms and hands around uncontrollably in an effeminate way.


Anonymous said...

I don't think that the animation idea is that bad, but this was poorly executed. I have seen a lot of ads on YouTube that are animation, but well done. Not Dr. Bobs.

RSK said...

If I still had functioning animation software, I would totally parody this. Bitter Bob would probably get roofied in the end.

Anonymous said...

"...with the world imploding and as the antichrist Trump comes on the scene, Bob feels he needs to make videos about dating....madness."

No Christian living on your site? Only prophecy? Didn't Paul think the end was near 2000 years ago? What would 2000 years of no Christian living have bought us?

True Bread said...

Anonymous said...

"...with the world imploding and as the antichrist Trump comes on the scene, Bob feels he needs to make videos about dating....madness."

No Christian living on your site? Only prophecy? Didn't Paul think the end was near 2000 years ago? What would 2000 years of no Christian living have bought us?
March 30, 2018 at 3:22 PM

Anon 3:22...

That is a fair question. I am the last person on earth who should be telling others how to live their lives. No, I do not discuss D/R, child-rearing, church gov't etc...
I mostly stick to biblical doctrine (Holy Days/New Moon/OC NC) and prophecy. I would much rather just focus on doctrine, but when I see prophecy unfolding on the news I'm compelled to discuss me prophecy is drama, and is useful for proving the rest of scripture correct.

hope this helps...