Friday, October 4, 2013

Dennis Muses for a few hours....

Where's  Dave?
Any time now all the COGs will be issuing their "BEST FEAST EVER" reports.  They will speak of the kind of harmony and camaraderie not seen in decades. The unity of the brethren will be awesome and for Dave Pack, if we ever hear from him, overarching, with the feast goers gyrating daily in their seats. Seat gyration at RCG's sites will call for a special offering for chair repairs.
 The accommodations will have been the best along with the food and the locals will have been so impressed with how well behaved and respectful the children were.  Of course the sermons will have been beyond inspiring and the music purely from the Throne of God itself.  The weather will have been fantastic and a good time will have been had by all.
But this was a very special FEAST for Dave Pack of the Restored Church of  God.  Minister and Member alike were to have finally "got it" and come over to Dave for the really BEST FEAST EVER, under one church and one leader.  There were 24 reasons why this HAD to happen this year for why would God bother to reveal it this year if it was not THIS YEAR?!  
Alas, the Feast is over.  Fall and Winter cometh and where is Dave Pack's glorious report on the success of it all?  Dave assured us in his pre-feast announcement that the Prophecy of Haggai was very much "on."  Today is Friday.  The traditional day for what Dave said would be one more announcement for after the Feast.  I can understand a bit of get home lag but today seems to be the day that Dave must say something.  After all, he has changed his amazing prophecy to an amazing parallel to already show a bit of understanding between the two  in his now  failed previous  perspectives , hopes and dreams of unification under one billing system. 
I believe if scores of ministers had made the leap of faith and passed the 35 question suck my brains out for Christ and Dave test and most of the splintered members had gone to the RCG Feast Sites, we would have heard of that by now.  I suspect there is a good reason we have not heard of that by now.
So unless Dave Pack has taken a post Feast hunting trip to bag an Elk or Moose, or shoot a polar bear from a helicopter,  today seems to be an important day for an update.
Mr. Schurter drags COG Minister who failed his test for RCG away...
No update today and I will suspect trouble at the Pondersosa
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....and now off to work rubbing MOST folks the right way since '98
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Anonymous said...

Dave might be off in the wilderness somewhere in Wadsworth receiving god's word on how to acquire additional funding for the temple complex across the street from Giant Eagle. Soon the whole RCG congregation will actually hear god speak to them; Dave's getting ready for that big day.

Anonymous said...

Where's Davey? (© Clokey Productions)

Here's a few possibilities-

* He snuck into Gerald Flurry's compound in Edmond, Oklahoma to kneel at the Herbert Armstrong Prayer Rock and get some "new revelations".

* He was raptured (and was the only one found on the planet to be 'rapture-worthy').

* He snuck into United Church of God's headquarters in Milford, Ohio, and is twerking with the large portrait of UCG's and Pack's guru- HWA.

* He's still trying to get his tight shorts off.

* He's counting his FOT offerings.

* He's setting up more chairs in his re-education camp, to accommodate all the ministers and members who are leaving their churches in droves and joining the RCG.

* He gave in to Satan and became Catholic.

Byker Bob said...

On one hand, I really hope he continues making outrageous and assinine statements, and drawing ridiculously embarrassing parallels, because that makes himself and the Armstrong movement continue to appear to be precisely what we all know it is.

On the other hand, if he wants his ministry to grow and prosper, he really ought to be contemplating the deeper meanings and personal parallels of Proverbs 17:28! But, he won't. The limitations of his training and background, plus his own dna simply won't allow it.

Some of these guys should take a brief sabbatical, carefully examine some of the non-ACOG ministries that are successfully growing, get some fresh non-HWA approaches, and attempt to inculcate whatever new nuggets they might glean into their own approaches. Making themselves into rudderless and ridiculous cartoon caricatures of HWA is not working.


Unknown said...

To quote from the old "Cheech and Chong" routine...



Joe Moeller
Cody, WY

Corky said...

He's on vacation...contemplating on whether to return or just disappear with the cash.

He's been taken into heaven in a whirlwind and "translated".

He's trying to figure out what went wrong with his more sure word of prophecy and can't be disturbed.

He's reading the comments here to see what his next move should be.

He's writing the mother of all sermons telling how it's all the member's fault that his prophecy failed.

DennisCDiehl said...

Dave Pack said:

"I will explain a week after the Feast EXACTLY what was misunderstood about the prophecy’s timing. It appears we will not be waiting a long time—not another year—for its fulfillment. (Earlier announcements have been corrected.) Next Friday, I will post another one detailing three crucial elements that were previously unexplained, with three more to be explained after the Feast.

Make no mistake. THE PROPHECY STANDS. Because it was never my prophecy, but rather God’s, it WILL come to pass. The whether and what of the prophecy have not changed, only the WHEN."

Great! That's this evening max. I'm glad it's God's prophecy and Dave doesn't have to accept any responsibility for any of it. Personally I think the WHAT never was as well as the WHEN, but what do I know.

God's problem, not ours.

DennisCDiehl said...

The 25th announcement went from "this is my last" to "this is one of my last" announcements.

Then we went to "Mr Pack will make 2 or 3 more announcements on Sept 6th, to nothing.

Now we have one more after the feast with three more to follow into October and November.

No wonder "time is short" takes so long!!!!

Corky said...

Hmmmm, "it appears we will not be waiting a long time—not another year—for its fulfillment."

Well, it "appears" to be wrong and it won't be another won't be another 10 years and it won't be another 1000 years will be never is when it will be.

Byker Bob said...

Whatever is going on in the stricter groups, they seem to have whatever youth is present under control and afraid to blog. Either that, or maybe they feel they just can't confide in us here.

A teen or twenty-something might hypothetically be posting that they had a really sick (means awesome) Feast because they were able to sneak away from the 'rents and use some of that 2T to get some sweet ink. Or to comment that they are glad their ACOG has a new app for all the sermon notes so they don't even have to be at services.

The graying of the ACOGs is evidenced by the fact that there isn't any contemporary slang. If you do see any hip talk, it's usually left overs from beatnicks, hippies, and valley girls, but it seems to stop and fade at the beginning of the hip hop era.


Anonymous said...

"New Announcement Coming Next Week
Due to post-Feast time constraints, Mr. Pack is unable to post what will be his last announcement for some time about the Haggai/Zechariah prophecy. This long, important announcement will bring three final elements to the prophecy, and includes helpful excerpts from an extraordinary 1972 article by Herbert W. Armstrong about how Christians should view matters of prophetic timing. Next week’s announcement, to appear some time between Monday and Wednesday, will carefully explain additional matters about the prophecy’s timing that came to light a month ago. Readers will find it fascinating. No next “date” will be set, but the reader will be able to conclude for himself what may happen. Mr. Pack will explain what had not been understood."

As my friend stated, he will be careful what is put out in public. Really? He is just mocking God above and adding to the word.

Byker Bob said...

Ah, so that's it! Let's see what Herbie said back in '72. He's got all the answers.


Anonymous said...

They lie about the "best feast ever" and if you don't say you had the "best feast ever" everyone thinks you're a grump or a spiritual shit-head.