Balaam the Ass (aka Joshua Pack) Says He Possesses the Hidden Code to Understand Scripture

All of you COG brethren out there are far toooooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid to have ever thought of this amazing "truth" Balaam Davey has dreamed up.  Like the Gnostic's who claimed to have hidden truths, Balaam Davey also has hidden truth that no a single person in the history of creation has ever understood till Balaam Davey had a brain fart in Wadsworth.

Let’s recall again. Previous announcements explained why Haggai 1:15 describes this event as happening “in the second year of Darius the king.” For those who believe this date pertains to the Persian King Darius (who lived over 2,500 years ago), remember that the modern Zerubbabel is also described as the “son of Shealtiel” and Joshua as the “son of Josedech.” Let’s reason together. The modern types of these two men are obviously NOT sons of these two fathers of long ago. The Bible is obviously speaking in code about what are two modern leaders. Mr. Armstrong knew the ancient Zerubbabel having been born to a man named Shealtiel had nothing to do with his prophetic fulfillment of this role. The same would be true of the modern Joshua regarding the irrelevancy of the ancient figure Josedech.

Similarly, the description of the YEAR of fulfillment must also be in code. Now think. If God specified in advance the exact year, the entire world would know when the prophecy would be fulfilled! See this! Now let’s think again. God does not name in the Bible (or need to) the modern Elijah of Malachi 4:5-6 and Matthew 17:11 because His Spirit will guide those who are looking to Him to see who fulfilled this role. Fruits, as well as who fit the profile, eventually revealed the man’s identity—Herbert W. Armstrong. For that matter, the same applied to Zerubbabel. The same principle would apply to the identity of the Beast and False Prophet, whom God would never name in advance—or the Two Witnesses, among others. But eventually God’s people WOULD know who these people are. Back to Haggai. First, to believe the prophecy is fulfilled during the reign of Darius would mean Haggai is an historical account, and not PROPHETIC. The first thing the thoughtful reader understands is that this prophecy has nothing to do with any year in the reign of a king that lived over 2,500 years ago! So the fulfillment comes in a year that can be known in OTHER WAYS. Thus, the day and month are seen to be easier to know than which YEAR it will happen.

Wadsworth's Balaam the Ass Says the COG's Will Be Reunited On August 30

BALAAM

And His Talking Donkey

Balaam stands in infamy as the paragon of apostasy.  His worldly lusts lured him into the power of Baal and brought upon him the ultimate symbol of pastoral asininity, a reprimand from his donkey.  Through his counseling Israel fell for the bait of Baal, the alluring Midianite women, and brought upon the Client Nation a national curse.

Davey Joshua Balaam Pack writes

Recall that Haggai 1:14-15 states that “all the remnant of the people…came and did work in the House of the Lord of Hosts, their God, in the four and twentieth day of the sixth month, in the second year of Darius the king.” Elul is the sixth month in God’s sacred calendar. It is August 30 this year in the Roman calendar. Also notice that this date in Haggai does not reflect the pattern of the other three dates mentioned in that short book, dates that Haggai received a message from God. Rather, it describes an action that occurred on a particular date. And this particular date is consistent with people being reunited by the Feast of Tabernacles. (It is also consistent with other scriptures describing things GOD is going to do in a particular month, which you will learn more about in three and four weeks when these postings are projected to end.)

Since the Feast of Tabernacles is NOT a required convocation for Christians what is Balaam's point?

Thankfully I can predict with 100% accuracy that August 30 will come and go with no major COG event happening.  We can be guaranteed Balaam Davey will make some asinine announcement that God has delayed his timing, but other than that Balaam Davey will be exposed as a liar.

Dave Pack: He's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Installment 21

We are in for another weekly treat from Davey Pack, the worlds most important man to ever have walked the earth since Jesus Christ was here, who runs the worlds most superfantabulous church, and who has taken on the mantle of apostle, Elijah, Joshua, Jesus, and Aunt Jemimah.  The world is in such a better place since Davey was conceived by immaculate conception decades ago.  No man more perfect has ever walked the earth since sinless Jesus Christ.  Sinless and without guile, not a filthy rag anywhere on the dude.

Dave writes about the miraculous event to happen this August when his puny, impotent, pissy god kills off three Church of God leaders so that all of their members will join Davey's cult.

He writes:

"...all brethren will be reunited this summer, in time to attend the Feast of Tabernacles together in 2013."

Of course for this to happen any worthwhile COG leader must have countless bullet points on why it is to happen or things members need to believe.  Weinerdude Weinland has 57 points necessary for salvation.  Davey has 24 points necessary to understand his asinine reasoning.

This announcement presents 24 reasons for this timing. There is much proof! 

Any truly educated and well trained speaker knows that for an effective speech to have meaning for the audience it should have no more than 5 points.

• Limit number to two or three for short speech, not more than five for long speech.  Organizing Your Speech 

Does any COG leader ever follow that standard?  Not on your life!  All of us have heard COG sermons with the minister giving countless points to get a message across in an hour to hour and half sermon?  An effective speaker can get their point across in 20-30 minutes instead of the mind numbingly boring drivel they dish out over the next 90 minutes.  

Who wants to sit there through 24 - 57 f-ing points?

Oh, and you can't even understand the points till you understand the hidden code which only the fearless leader has knowledge of.

Preparation for understanding them begins with understanding of the day and the month of the prophecy’s fulfillment. Grasping how these dates appear in code paves the way to seeing how God has hidden the year until the time of fulfillment, when He would have to reveal it in advance. And He must do this in a way that is clear and certain to His people who are preparing for it.

The only code Jesus ever came with is,  love your God and love your neighbor.  2 small itty-bitty points that carry far more weight that some jackass in Wadsworth bellowing out 24 points that can only be understood once you understand the code first.