"The Cursed Crossword Puzzle"

It was a typical mid-summer night in the small Bungalow. As a child of ten years old, I was caught in religious tug-of-war between one parent who was in the Church, and one parent who was out of the Church. This was a paradox in my mind, leaving me only “half-protected”. After all, I was not allowed to attend the Church for the majority of the duration of split-religion. I was getting ready for bed, and in an age without internet, computers, cell phones, or anything of the sort, I settled down to do my favorite crossword puzzles. 

It was during this time that I was experiencing the beginnings of extreme anxiety and fear – especially toward the paranormal – because of my upbringing. I was taught, through the Worldwide Church of God ministry, that demons were always “out to get you” should you stumble and fall from the Church or from Christian protection (pretty much, one and the same, actually.) I would constantly be worried about anything paranormal happening because of this pre-conditioning from not only the Church, but from the fear that was exhibited by those who were entrusted to calm fears. The fears were actually emboldened and intensified by the same mindset from, mainly, one of my parents – from the earliest of years clear throughout the greater part of my childhood. From “scary” episodes of Barney Miller, to commercials, to movies – these fears entered everything from real life phobia to dreams at night. There was always this fear of somehow being bothered by demons. 

There was no Jesus in the picture, mind you. From the earliest age, I was not taught of the power of Jesus, or how He was victorious, or conquered sin and death, or was my friend. “Jesus loves the little children” was never sung nor hummed. It is not being overly exaggerating in any way to say that Jesus was absolutely absent from my Childhood in my perception. Mainly, because He was not welcomed. My home was a home of fear, arguments, and hatred – coated with a piety of religious conviction in keeping the Sabbath and Holy Days and the basic Worldwide Church of God culture. And on that mid-summer night, I, for the first time, began to realize the extent of how this was impacting my young life. 

It seemed like such a great way to wind down. I sat at the edge of my bed, table light on, and started doing my crossword puzzle. I filled in one square, then another, and a few more. After a little bit of this, I got up to go to the bathroom, came back, and settled down to continue the crossword puzzle. As I opened the crossword book back to the page, and looked at the same puzzle I had just come back to, I noticed something absolutely frightening. 

The words – the ink – everything I just filled in – was gone. 

Immediately I started to panic. My heart raced, my palms got sweaty. This was impossible. I just did this! How could this be? “Oh, no no...” I thought, immediately suspecting without any delay or hesitation the worst – that I was getting pranked by the demon in the house. 

It was my belief in my childhood that my house had a demon (or two) in it. I would often think I felt some sort of evil presence, or would be scared to death I would “see” something in the near-blackness of night – save the dim amber glow of the night-light. Often times, to “protect” myself from this external, invisible, and seemingly intangible threat, I would walk around the house fully enveloped with my favorite brown blanket – making myself appear as a hard-to-see ghost more often than not. I would also cover my ears or make noises only I could hear to keep from “hearing demons”. It was a constant internal battle within, sparked by the sermons from pastors, conversations from church members, overheard conversations from a parent - “knowing” that the only way to prevent a demonic attack was to be perfect. If you've failed in some way, you are inviting in a demon. At least, that's how I viewed it. 

I closed the Crossword puzzle in a state of complete panic. I then re-opened the puzzle, and – in a complete reversal – the words were back! All of them. Even the scribbles I made. I tried rubbing them to see if they'd disappear again. Nothing. They were as though they had never left. “Wait a minute. What's going on here? Am I going insane?” I would think. 

I repeated the cycle at least three times as my panic was rising higher and higher. My brain was literally buzzing. My heart was racing. I could hardly breathe. The only explanation in my mind was that I was being pranked by a supernatural being who had nothing better to do than pick on a ten-year-old child who somehow did something wrong enough that this demon was trying to bother me. 

It was then that I just started praying, in complete panic, crying, nearly hysterical, rocking back and forth in tears, that God would stop this demon from attacking me. 

“Please God, stop this demon, take this demon away, Please, take this demon away”, I would pray in between sobs. I was scared to wake my parents to talk about this because I was worried they would think I was crazy, or had lost it. 

“Please God, Please, please, PLEAASSSEE”, I would cry out in between sobs, knowing what I thought was happening was a worst-case scenario. 

“Please stop this demon, please.”

I opened the book up again, and the words had disappeared again. Again! Did my prayer not avail anything? Why wasn't I being heard? Did God leave me? Is it because one of my parents is not in the Church and one is in the Church? What did I do? The possibilities of how I angered God or was able to let in a demon were subconsciously and somewhat consciously running through my young mind. 

Soon, the panic was too much. I was in nearly hysterics. I could hardly breathe, I was sweating profusely, could not think, was scared out of my mind. There was no other explanation. I was being attacked by the resident demon of the house. And I had reached a point where I had to tell my parents – regardless of how stupid they might think I was acting. 

I entered the bedroom and turned on the light

“I'm having a problem” I cried out.

“What's the matter?”

“I think a demon is bothering me”, I said along those lines. “The words on my crossword puzzle keep appearing and disappearing and I don't know what's going on”, and I broke down in sobs. 

I had to repeat this a couple times, I had woken my parents out of a sound, sound sleep, but I was in far too great of a panic to even care. I was in a state of total emergency, and I needed prayer, help, something – I was in a very bad state for anyone of any age – nonetheless a ten year old child. 

“You are saying the words are appearing and dissapearing”? 

“YES!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON!!!” I cried out, in sobs and anguish, and handed her the Cursed Crossword Book. 

“Show me!”

I opened the book, and suddenly, there were the words, exactly as I filled it out. 

“Now watch this!, I yelled”. 

I closed the book and re-opened it, and the words were gone. I was somewhat, strangely, relieved that this was seen as well by someone else – it proved I was not crazy. 

“There has to be a logical explanation to this”, I was assured. I of course, would hear none of it, I was completely convinced of the reality of my situation. 

My parent – calmly and with reason – took the book. 

“Okay, let's look at the puzzle. What's the page?” 

I found the page. 

“Okay. Let's start counting the pages in the book.”

Slowly but steadily, she started counting the pages in the book. My puzzle, the next page, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83...

“What are you doing?!”

“Hold on”, I was told.

“84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 75, 76....”

My parent stopped, and looked at me. Then continued.

“I see what happened here! They double-printed a few pages of the puzzle. There are two copies of your puzzle in the same book.”

I didn't believe it. Not at first. This was too easy. I had to flip back and forth between the two puzzles to convince my mind that this was the actual reason, and that nothing “supernatural” actually occurred. 

“Whenever something like this happens, just remember, there is a perfectly logical explanation to things.” 

After about ten minutes I was able to accept the fact that I was not being bothered by a demon. I was able to accept the fact that this was a publishing error with the Crossword Puzzle – a theory I had not even considered, nor was I of the mind to even think of. The only thing that was in my mind at the time was the result of intensive, acute, pre-conditioning which was the result of brainwashing from the mindset of a cult, who had indoctrinated fear and anxiety into its earliest victims from the youngest of ages. 

I, foggily, yes – went back to my room. It took me half an hour (and several more times checking the book to make sure) to get to a point I could lay down and try to get back to sleep again. Maybe there was something to this “logical explanation” business, I thought. Of course, the fears did not go away – this was one incident explained. But it did give me some assurance and stable footing in a childhood of dark anxiety and fear brought on by the careless infractions of a supposed Christian Church. It is a moment that I have not ever forgotten. 

This is an excerpt of a book I have been working on for several years. If you would like to see more excerpts, and think that another "Survivor's Book" of a Child growing up in the Worldwide Church of God is worth working on, let me know in the comments below. 

Excerpt is copyright, all rights reserved. 

Submitted by SHT

A Personal Regret in Pastoring:

In the ministry and for a time in the Emergency Medical Tech experience, I have seen my share of death.  From the call that  a member had died and could I come over, or a child had been killed,   to showing up and making every effort to save a teen who didn't understand how a revolver worked and playing Russian roulette as a joke in front of the family was not a good idea., I am familiar with the chaos and grief such events can cause in the moment and long after the funeral.

 I have been with church friends as they drew their last breath and sat quietly as everyone in the family went ballistic with grief and shock. I've dug graves on private farms for private burials as long as it was done with a 24 hour time frame doing a private service on the front lawn out in the countryside. I've erased the muddy hand prints of a child who was finally found in a muddy rain filled swimming pool as the sight may just have proven too much for all concerned.  Lots of stories and lots of experience with death as we know comes to all in one way or another.

It's not being dead that most are concerned about but rather how we got dead that seems to take up our anxieties.

But in every case, and as the Pastor, death lead to a funeral service and while not unique, the Worldwide Church of God and I suspect splinter funeral services for the member left me of late realizing  a great regret I have in my part doing church funerals.

The Church funeral was all about the resurrections, "each man in his own order" as I recall.  It was a reminder we all die but that there is hope with all the associated scriptures to be read leading up to the Wonderful World Tomorrow.  Fair enough I suppose.  I have had to on occasion share a service with a local Baptist minister who basically went bonkers for Jesus and used his time to evangelize the audience and tell them their day is coming too just like Mr/Mrs/Ms ____________.  Some shared services were hilarious to watch my counterpart bounce around doing his thing and some were enraging or just plain stupid.

But there was one element in a Church of God service, and from the other pastor's as well,  that for many reasons I suppose, I failed to include in the service and for which I am deeply sorry and surprised at myself for not catching on to the problem ever back in the day.

I never actually offered a eulogy for the actual person. (a moment of praise and recognition of the life of the deceased).

 I never spoke of them, their lives, struggles, family and fun times.  I never told the audience my own positive recollections of the person or spoke fondly of them as I should have and could have. I never asked any family members to participate in the service with their own positive and even humorous stories about the deceased.  Never a son or daughter was given time to publicly appreciate their now having died father, mother, brother or sister.   The Church canned funeral service had no place for it and I simply never thought to include such a tribute , as I should have and as we all should have, to the deceased member.  And I deeply regret that.

I changed the wedding ceremony in pretty short order after ordination.  Why did I not change the funeral service?  I hated the "animals reproduce but animals don't marry" BS in the service so I cut that out. I stopped asking "who gives this woman" as it was a throwback to the times when the father passed ownership of the daughter to the next man.  Why did I not make the funeral service more of a celebration of the life of the person along with the hope of scripture?  I don't know. I am deeply sorry I did not and I guess hindsight and having now been simply in the audience at a funeral seeing how others are done has enlightened me.  Too late for all those whose funerals I did  and for that I have my regrets.

Perhaps subconsciously, "the day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth" (Ecc 7:1).was in there somewhere so no sense talking about their actual life.  Perhaps it was that they are fine now and we'll see them in the Kingdom but there are living humans staring at you so tell them "the truth" about the resurrections and the Kingdom of God.  Frankly, I don't know what it was but it was wrong and an inappropriate format for a funeral that should have both comforted and encouraged the surviving friends and families. At least it should have also included it and not just in passing.

I'd encourage any lurking pastor in any of the splinters to defy tradition and include a genuinely sincere eulogy for the actual life and positive contribution made in that life of the sincere member who paid your salary, sacrificed their time for the church, forsook a few things they needn't have and kept their the faith you delivered unto them no matter how difficult or even ridiculous, as with the Gospel of Dave Pack or The Gospel According to Gerald Flurry, it all was for them loyally waiting for your fairy tales to come true before they actually died as you will too.  Honor to honor at least, please.  Every person deserves to have their lives noticed and appreciated for what it was and who they got to be in it.  

As the Forrest Gump of the Worldwide Church of God...I have this regret and "that's all I'm going to say about that..."

Gerald Weston: I may have been 2% wrong in my life, but we LCG ministers are the HARDEST working group of men in the church today and we NEVER bully members!

Brother Gerald Weston has a new editorial up in the July/August Living Church of God News. Once more it looks like we have tweaked his funny bone with all the comments and articles here about Living Church of God ministers being bullies and/or treating members in very unchristian ways.

In this age of the Internet and instant social media, COG groups are being held accountable in ways they never have been before.  This is why so many of them lash out at Facebook, Instagram, blogs and various online groups with frequency.  They don't want their shrinking memberships to find out how corrupt some of them are and how they've made a profession out of lying with endless false prophecies and bullet points on why God is speaking through them with dreams and revelations. Never has the Church of God had a more perfect set of ministers that it does today in 2019, regardless of which splinter group you look at.

Ministers are used to abuse from some members. That may shock you, but it is true, and often it comes from the very people you spend the most time and energy trying to help. I remember the letter I received from one man whom I had made every effort to help that began something like this: “I never liked you. You never helped me or my family. You only did anything for us because you felt obligated.” And believe me, the letter went downhill from there! 

Yes, some members do abuse ministers and take advantage of them, that is something we all have seen.  However, for the broad majority who criticize ministers, it is because they were abused spiritually and mentally, and in some cases, physically.   Mental and spiritual abuse is just as damaging to the psyche as sexual and physical abuse.  Of course, every COG out there claims they preach "pure" Christianity in the most loving manner imaginable.

Most people in all the COG groups he was over, regardless of which group they were aligned with now, know the truth behind that boast!

On another occasion, I received a letter from a former associate pastor decades after we had worked together. He had various complaints against me, including instances that I couldn’t remember. Now, I could understand why he might be upset about some situations, even though I had offered him correction for legitimate reasons, but for the most part it was stuff he should have gotten over long ago. What was interesting was that he put no return address on the letter; he did not want a reply. He simply wanted to “get it off his chest,” perhaps as a form of therapy.

Frankly, I have made many mistakes over the years that I would like to forget, and I am thankful our Creator is full of mercy and quick to forgive. But in general, I have a clear conscience regarding the above-mentioned circumstances, knowing the facts as they were.

I wonder how the people on Facebook, now adults, would react to this, considering how spiritually abusive he was to them at church summer camps.  There is little regard for him by most who have come in contact with him over the decades at church camps.  This does not include members of congregations he pastored!  We could fill this blog up for the next year with horror stories from those people.

In January 2014, the clergy in the United Church of Canada, a merger of Protestant denominations that dates to 1925, formed a union. The Toronto Star, the second-largest circulation newspaper in Canada as of 2017, reported the following:

The goal of the newly created professional association, called Unifaith, is to give faith workers, their family members, student ministers and retirees, a common voice. In addition to fighting for job security for clergy and other paid employees, the new union plans to help combat the bullying, and in some cases physical assaults, of clergy by members of congregations or outsiders…. In addition, many United Church clergy have complained about being overworked, another issue the future union plans to address (“United Church of Canada clergy form their own union,” January 21, 2014).

This is rather shocking considering how hard the ministry works in the Living Church of God. Also, I do not consider that the criticism we sometimes encounter rises to the level of bullying or physical assaults. The point is that we all see matters from our own perspective, and life and work in the ministry is not always exactly what some members may imagine it is. Children often think a parent cannot understand them, but children have never experienced parenthood, whereas every parent has been a child. In the same way—though I am by no means comparing members with children—all of us in the ministry have been lay members. We also have those in authority over us, and all of us, members and ministers alike, must answer to the Supreme Authority in our lives.

Yep, we get it!  There is no other Church of God who has a ministry that works as "hard" as LCG ministers do.  Most are from families who have interbreed in the COG through the decades and are accustomed to living life as one of the "elite" who has never worked an honest day of hard physical labor.  They moved into positions of power just because of their last name.

In spite of the anguish and anger LCG members have shared here about how they have been treated in LCG, Weston feels the criticism is uncalled for.  Weston then goes on to claim that because all of the ministers have been "lay members" in the past, they apparently are incapable of being abusive.  Supposedly, they would have been abused themselves and would never dream of doing such a thing to others.  One clear fact that the COG, worldly churches, civic groups and most corporations in "the world" know, is how many times that have heard people say, while still on the bottom rung, "If I ever were in that position I would NEVER do such things."  Then, once they get promoted or ordained and have drunk the kool-aide of power, they turn out more abusive and nastier than the people before them.  Does Weston honestly believe that when Rod McNair disfellowships members for working in nursing homes because he claims the elderly are possessed by demons, that this is normal Christian behavior?

Weston then goes on to proclaim he has never been abusive and that all the allegations against him are wrong.  Of course, as usual, he takes no responsibility and blames the old Worldwide Church of God for this problem.

So, where is this heading? Let me return to the opening paragraph of this editorial. While I had made many mistakes over the more than two decades I had been in the ministry at the time, I think I had a respectable reputation among most members and those over me. But then, after being transferred to a new assignment, my wife and I suddenly faced several accusations that were sent to the headquarters of the Church. One was that we “didn’t show enough love.” Whether true or not—and I assert that it was untrue—how does one defend himself against such an accusation? There were also three or four accusations that were totally false and could easily be proven so.

This was when the Worldwide Church of God was breaking down, and—as I have often said—when love is pitted against law, it is time to head for cover. The result of these accusations was that I was considered guilty regardless of the facts, at least those that could be verified one way or the other.

Some people look back on past events and learn, while others self-justify and frame their account of what happened to favor themselves. Enduring false accusations from members is something every minister must learn to accept, but when those “over you” carelessly pronounce you guilty when the clear evidence shows otherwise, it is another matter. I must confess it took both Carol and me a good three years to get past what happened, and only after we had left that organization due to the total apostasy taking place.

Even while talking to Dr. Meredith and Mr. Carl McNair about joining with them to do the Work, I mentioned briefly what happened and told them I would never again take such treatment sitting down. But I was wrong.  

I was wrong—not because anything similar has occurred since, but because my attitude disagreed with scriptural instruction. Peter taught, “For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps” (1 Peter 2:19–21).

Those are powerful words—words that are easy to read, easy to understand, yet difficult to practice on any level. How easily they roll off our tongues, but those words do not always reflect what comes out of our hearts! At that time, instead of comprehending what Peter instructed and what our Savior did, I discovered how many other men and women had similar experiences. Something Dr. Winnail recently said certainly applied in our case: “Disgruntled people find disgruntled people.”

I have never seen a Church of God splinter group get so easily butthurt over a blog as LCG does with this one.  Is it because so many LCG members read here and make comments?  Is it because they cannot control and stop those members, no matter how many times they threaten them?

Weston continues, and it is quite obvious, that he considers he was NEVER wrong in his past interactions with COG members, particularly those he was over in WCG.  Apparently, once he came over to the "true light" of Rod Meredith and the Living Church of God he was set on a new path, one of righteousness.  On this new path, he realized that all of those grumpy people in WCG were the issue and only about 2% his.

That was one lesson I had to learn, and it came only after I had a change in direction. Once I was focused again on preaching the Gospel, the anger subsided, and I could see more clearly. Then I was able to forget those things which were behind and look to those things which are ahead. 

The second lesson came as a result of learning the first. Only then was I able to evaluate what had happened with a fresh perspective. I know in my heart that most of the problem was not me, but I could finally admit to myself and to God that I could have handled the matter better. Yes, I was part of the problem. I cannot say whether my part was 10 percent, 15 percent, or 2 percent, but I at least had to take responsibility for my own shortcomings.

Still trying to ingrain in LCG members, is the requirement to submit to those over you.  Its the government thing almost every single time.  Grumpy and critical people are not submissive. After all, they are only doing what is right and the members are reacting wrong.  Then to further take no responsibility, he blames members again.

I drew several conclusions from this kind of situation. First, I needed to internalize Peter’s message about enduring wrongful suffering. Second, I needed to commit myself to never becoming bitter over someone else’s wrongdoing. Perhaps I will be corrected wrongfully, but that does not mean the person doing so has evil intent. Yet even if he does, Peter instructs us in the way to handle these things. I had to conclude that as long as those over me are God’s true, if imperfect, servants, I must submit to that authority. After all, following baptism, I had hands laid upon me. I had voluntarily admitted, even if

A minister’s mistakes come in many forms. We sometimes speak unwisely, even offensively. See the third chapter of James’ letter, where he warns us not to covet becoming a teacher of the truth: “For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body” (vv. 1–2). Christ warns us about offending “little ones”—those who are new to the faith, lacking experience or wisdom (Matthew 18:6). Some are quick to quote this, but is this the scripture a longtime member should apply to himself? Or rather, should he not look to another verse: “Great peace have those who love Your law, and nothing causes them to stumble,” or as it says in the King James Version, “and nothing shall offend them” (Psalm 119:165).

It is my hope, dear brethren, that you can learn from my experience. There is the easy way to learn and the hard way to learn. One leads to life and the other can ultimately lead to death. As Paul instructs us, “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:14–15). 

So beware LCG members who complain to HQ about abusive ministers.  In their eyes, you are just as guilty as they are.  Once again the responsibility shifts to the members and not the ministry taking account of their actions. They are just weak little men just like you dumb sheep and make little mistakes, so please forgive them, you are REQUIRED to!  Them to you, not so much so.  Disfellowshipment is the answer or more two hour sermons on church government and why you must submit.

From time to time, complaints come to my attention about a minister who is thought to be mistreating someone or teaching something not quite right. Brethren, I have been guilty of each of those mistakes on some occasions. Yes, over a period of nearly 50 years, I have missed the mark more than once or twice—mostly through ignorance, never through intention to do so. I am not talking about doing away with the Sabbath or the law of God, but sometimes I have, without wrong intent, spoken incorrectly about a scripture or prophecy that I misunderstood. I have also overreacted in dealing with certain situations, but again, it was not with malice or evil intent. I’m human. So is your minister, and so are you.

Marriages often fail because one or both fail this test. Some individuals drop out of one Church of God to attend a different Church of God because they find that easier than putting up with their minister or other members. Some people stay within a Church of God group, but physically move to be near their favorite minister, one who “understands” or promotes them. Yet, Paul tells us that there are different “gifts,” “ministries” (“administrations,” KJV), and “activities” (1 Corinthians 12:4–6). No two ministers are the same. This is one reason we try to train ministers under more than one man. We learn different lessons from different individuals. Focus on what is good and do not look for the bad. We should be able to discern between a moment when someone’s particular weakness is on display and times when someone is clearly falling into rank apostasy. There is a difference!

Brethren, we must learn to get along together. Pride and oversensitivity are often at the heart of our problems. Sometimes ministers are insecure and overreact when challenged with a question they cannot answer, or when being told they are wrong about something. Both ministers and members must put aside pride and vanity. We must all learn to speak openly but respectfully with one another, and we must stop looking for the faults in others. Remember Jesus’ admonition: “Judge [condemn] not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the same measure you use, it will be measured back to you” (Matthew 7:1–2).

Never once in the entire article does he actually take any responsibility for his actions nor those of the ministry that people are critical of.  He deflects throughout the entire article shifting the blame to the members and their bad attitudes.  Their refusal to submit to correction and church government is the ultimate issue that is causing all the negativity.  As usual, brethren, it is all your fault!