Mr. and Mrs. Weinerdude Cannot Die!

The Two Witless Witnesses

Armstrongisms' biggest fool has opened his mouth and made an ass of himself yet again.  According to Mike (Don't Drink the Flavor Aid) Weinerdude claims that the two witnesses cannot die.

Apparently the two witless witnesses have been living through great persecution over the last 3 1/2 years.  With the coming of Christ at the end of May this year, the two witless witnesses will have fulfilled their commission.  Mr and Mrs. Weinerdude will be come god like God is now.

Weineerdude writes:

The two witnesses will not be killed in the literal city of Jerusalem.  And their dead bodies will not lie in the streets for 3 1/2 days.  God’s two witnesses will live right up to the coming of Jesus Christ, coming to this earth as the king of kings.  This 3 1/2 days spoken of here about the two witnesses is fully about the past nearly 3 1/2 years, what we have been living.

That kind of flies in the face of what Weinerdude wrote in his comedic book on prophecy 2008 God's Final Witness.

It is now with boldness, confidence and great clarity that I give to you what God has given me. I am to announce, through God's direct revelation, that I am one of those two witnesses. The other witness will be revealed to the world during the time of the great tribulation—within the final three and one-half years of man’s era. During that period of time, we will, together, completely fulfill all that God has given us to witness to this whole earth. Then, at the end, we will die in the streets of Jeruslaem; and finally, exactly three and one-half days later, we will be resurrected (Revelation 11). The world will see this resurrection via television. At this same time Jesus Christ will appear in the heavens above the earth as He is returning to take the reigns of man’s government on earth. (Weinland R. 2008: God’s Final Witness, p. 16)

Weinerdude later names Mrs. Weinerdude as the second witless witness. Do they die or not die, that is the question.  With any luck Weinderdude will be imprisoned by the IRS before that time.

Dave Pack Names His Persecutors

Mike (Don't Drink The Flavor Aid) did what I had no desire to do; he listened to Dave Pack's mind boggling sermon that was posted today on where Dave reveals who the "synagogue of Satan" is.

Dave writes (in the first person):

What is the Synagogue of Satan? Who are they? Do its members meet as a group? Is it a particular organization? Was it the WCG apostates? Is it false Christianity? Or something else? Can we know—conclusively? How do its members “blaspheme”? What does it mean “say they are Jews”?—and how do they “lie”? These imposters are shown to persecute Philadelphia at the end. How do they do this? And how do their actions relate to you?

Mr. Pack states, “I cannot think of a more important sermon for God’s people at the end of the age. Every member in LCG, UCG, COGwa, PCG and COGaic—but also those in every splinter and sliver!—should hear it, and probably more than once. The listener will almost certainly want to do this.”

 So who did Davey name as those vile, filthy, apostate tools of Satan?

Mike writes:

Clarion Call Dave posted his latest sermon, naming those in the Synagogue of Satan. (Starting around 1:55 into the file) Named Meredith, Flurry, & a bunch of Misters in UCG/CoGWA. And a couple of bloggers. But none of us made the cut -- he named Thielogical Bob and Pharisee James. We'll have to try harder :-D

I find it funny that those named are the COGgers who think they know all, and not those of us that mock and ridicule Dave's stupid teachings. We are getting the opportunity to sit back and watch the COG's devour their own.