Demolition of Ambassador TV Studios and Men's Dorm Olcott

Former men's dorm Olcott on Green Street

Remains of Television Studio

Dennis On "The World Beyond the Plain and Real Living and Restored Truth In Him and Brotherly Love"

The World Beyond the Plain and Real Living and Restored Truth In Him and Brotherly Love

The recent posting of pictures of the tearing down of the physical campus that once was Head Quarters to the Worldwide Church of God and Ambassador College, ultimately can only be taken, if one is remain somewhat sane, as a metaphor for life as it unfolds and does what it does.  Of the almost 2000 who daily read this blog, each has their own reasons.  Some I expect are merely curious but firm in their views and members in good standing of one of the many off shoots of WCG.  Perhaps they just like the drama or the feeling it may give them retrieving some of their own power by at least knowing everyone involved is human.  Some may be the kiss up types who keep up with things to "report" to their minister that occasional recognizable writer who sits with them in church.  This would be rare, but I am sure it happens. 

I know ministers, both past and present read this blog and I really KNOW that the five to ten well known's must.  They simply don't have the personality not to.  As Stan Rader, counsel to Herbert Armstrong once said in my presence,  "I don't care what you think of me, as long as you get my name spelled correctly."   Or in some cases today, be sure you call me "Mr."   Some no doubt read this blog as part of their own journey out and away from their COG either knowing it is occurring or only vaguely aware of the process that is unsettling them. 

The emotions that go with this kind of journey are myriad and vary in intensity. Some can move along more easily than others having little or at least much less invested in the experience than others.  Sometimes someone will tell me that they left WCG in 1971 and my internal reaction is , "Pffffffft....you weren't around long enough to even get a stomach ache!"   Sometimes I tell myself, "Well, at least I wasn't born in Somalia, Iraq or Saudi Arabia.   I'd have been beheaded or necklaced by now for sure.  It is perversely comforting to come up with some "well at least..." to take away the pain of the actual experience of being born into or caught up in the reality that we call, "my life." 

But to the point.  Staying angry, and I mean the kind that oozes from every comment, expresses itself over and over in sarcasm and rancor or repeats the same old phrases over and over, as if saying it for a decade can fix it, hurts no one but you and me.  No WCG/COG Guru is sitting at dinner this evening thinking about you.  Joe Tkach isn't going to apologize for lives smashed and hopes derailed.  He's not going to explain to anyone where your/our tithe money went when his father, he,  Bernie Schnippert, Mike Feazell, Dan Rogers, Greg Albrecht and other specific luminaries pulled the theological rug, suddenly and with intent, out from under tens of thousands of very sincere people who simply want to know the who, what, where, when, why and how of all things Bible and God.  If we had been born in the Middle East, we'd be looking into Islam in our lives or in China or Tibet, perhaps Buddhism.  Those would have been the boxes were were born in but actually were not.

But anger has to eventually find its place or these is yet more of a price to pay.  "What eats you....eats YOU,"  comes to mind.  Or as Mark Twain noted...

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored 

than to anything on which it is poured.”

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“Angry people are not always wise.” 

 Jane Austen- Pride and Prejudice

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. 

But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”

Maya Angelou

“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, 

but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree 

and at the right time and for the right purpose, 

and in the right way — that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.”

Aristotle

“I want to say somewhere: I've tried to be forgiving. And yet. 

There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. 

Ugliness turned me inside out. 

There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. 

It was standing outside, and I invited it in.”
― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

When I have sat at those times when the whole WCG experience catches up with the present again and sits me down on the couch starring at the old movie running in my head on all things WCG, I sometimes have enough sense to ask myself what the core problem is through all this.  Could not have said this better...

“Most hatred is based on fear, one way or another. 

Yeah. I wrapped myself in anger, with a dash of hate, 

and at the bottom of it all was an icy center of pure terror.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Guilty Pleasures

I can't speak for you, but I was not kidding and had no doubts when way to young to know what real doubts were, when I dropped everything in NY and went to California thinking Ambassador was a Theological Seminary and the Faculty really were Doctors of and experts in the  origins, intent, history and theology of the Bible.  I was 18 for Chr..., Pete's sake!   I went there to be a church Pastor.  Why go if not to teach what inspired me and answered my questions about really big topics???  When GTA announced the FIRST assembly that "if any of you came here to be a minister, you better get that out of your head..." ,  I chortled to myself and said,  "we'll see."  I used to study Saturday evenings alone in my dorm and the Dean of Students decided to cure me of that by putting me in a white monkey suit of a coat to stand by the American Flag at basketball games instead.  My first experience of standing up on the outside but sitting down on the inside.  It was not a total loss though.  I got to watch Dave Pack play basketball, so that was good. 

Back to fear.  When the WCG rug was pulled out, sincere folk, who thought they had the fear of death, fear of illness, fear of being alone, fear of few friends and countless other fears beat, found out how quickly fear returned and rushed in to fill the void.  Fear can make you say dumb shit. It can make you drink too much, eat too much and even decide to go shoot someone.  It at least is clear to me that some really thinking Bible author understood that  perfect love casts out , not hate, but fear.  Hate is not the opposite of love.  Fear is the opposite of love.  Hate is a symptom of fear, just as sarcasm or a punch in the mouth might be. 

So we have a choice.  Life is choices as much as I hate being told that sometimes by some who seem to have it all going their way as if they chose it so easily or it came easily.  I find those who are the most comfy at times to be the ones who so easily can tell everyone else to just be comfy.  The other side of that coin is that told to us by those who are not so comfy but have awakened to the reality of growing through it or ending up just bitter and someone that few wish to be around. 

“Transformation is my favorite game and in my experience, 

anger and frustration are the result of you not being 

authentic somewhere in your life or with someone in your life. 

Being fake about anything creates a block inside of you. 

Life can’t work for you if you don’t show up as you.”
― Jason Mraz

I've been sent emails by the well meaning advising me not to be so personal or share personal failings and such when writing.  But what help is that?  Being authentic is something that has always been important to me and a classic trait of the ENFP personality type as expressed in the Meyers Briggs view.  It is not easy, can be embarrassing and often used against one, but it beats fake and glazed over. Being open about thoughts and even failings is therapeutic once one carves the Four Agreements into one's soul.

• 1. Be impeccable with your word.  What kinds of words to you use when you describe reality? Do you lie and say hurtful and poisonous things about yourself and others? Not healthy! To be impeccable with your word is to be truthful and to say things that have a positive influence on yourself and others.

• 2. Don't take anything personally. The first agreement suggests that we avoid treating others hurtfully. The second agreement provides us with a way of dealing with potentially hurtful treatment from others. Because each person sees the world in a unique way, the way that others treat us says as much about them as it does about us. To not take anything personally is to acknowledge the unique identities of other people. We respect their subjective realities, realizing that their views do not necessarily describe us accurately.

• 3. Don't make assumptions. Assuming that you know what other people are thinking or feeling about you is a limiting thought that Aaron Beck called Mind Reading.  Obviously, none of us can read minds. When we try to engage in mind reading we will often be wrong, leading to undesirable consequences. The antidote to mind reading is to ask for evidence before concluding what people are thinking.

• 4. Always do your best.  More subtle still is the recognition that our "best" will vary from moment to moment, that, in a sense, you are always doing your best. Realize this, and your inner Judge can take a permanent vacation.

Don Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements

In ministry, one thing become very clear about the people you find yourself around, member or minister.  Everyone wears masks.  I think the source of this is the unrealistic views the Bible forces upon humans.  "Be ye therefore perfect as your father in heaven is perfect...," and such baloney as that wreaks havoc in humans who think that is the goal as a human.  Whether it means perfect as in sinless, ha, or mature as in like God, ha ha,  it is not possible and you and I never met one human who was that in this life.  I will spare you the masks thing and have written about his here: Everyone Wears Masks - Your Pastor and Priest, Your Mom, Dad, Family, and YOU!

So, back to our anger.  What are we going to do with it?  Will it heal us or , as said,  "where am I going, and why am I in this hand basket?"   Choices.

“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. 

Holding a grudge & harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul. 

Get even with people...but not those who have hurt us, 

forget them, instead get even with those who have helped us.”
― Steve Mariboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

“Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. 

We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. 

But hatred is a curved blade. 

And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.”
― Mitch Albom- The Five People You Meet in Heaven

“Anger is stupid, 

and stupidity will kill you more surely than your opponent's blade.”
― Patricia Briggs, Dragon Bones

I imagine all the people above learned these truths by being angry about all sorts of life stuff, perhaps over a very long time and then coming to conclude it was over.  Somewhat like Forrest Gump running and running and running no where special to deal with the loss of the love of his life.  There came that moment where he simply stopped, listened momentarily to the voice in his head, and realized  enough was enough and it was time to go home.

denniscdiehl@AOL.com