Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Malm Says: "If a couple is burning, they should have a good session before Sabbath..."

The apostle is getting into proper sexual relationships today for a true biblical Christian who is a part of the remnant Church of God.

So much of this seems to be his desire that he wished he had accomplished in his previous marriage.  It all sounds like a hurting and wanting man who wishes he had done some things differently.

Malm was not impressed by Herb Armstrong's books on sex.  Well, for that matter, most of the church could have cared less too.  Those books were all written by an angry man who was pissed his wife was not putting out as he wished she was.  It seems Loma was frigid towards him most of the time.  Perhaps Loma was a wiser woman that we all thought!

Malm has this to say about Herb's books and the prevailing attitude towards sex by many of the splinter cult leaders:

The Armstrong WCG published two books on sex and marriage; both of them were filled with error and have produced great unhappiness, and often deep feelings of guilt.

There are also leaders of some groups who exceed God’s law and seek to dictate the sexual activities of their members beyond what God has commanded; substituting their personal hangups for God’s word.
Brethren, stick to the Bible and don’t let such men send you on guilt trips when no scriptural guilt is involved.  If anyone pronounces anything as sin; insist that they provide scriptural proof texts.

These books and the general attitude towards sex in the church have also produced a backlash leading to much fornication and adultery in the COG Groups.  I can tell you, based on my correspondence, that there are very many such cases.

Apparently COG members are bunch of horny bunnies who can't stop having sex and who DARE to come and worship God on the Sabbath.

Brethren, homosexuality, fornication and adultery and our many other sins have separated us from our God; and we dare to appear before him unrepentant on Sabbath and Holy Day, thinking that we are acceptable to God?

In the eight and one half years that I attended WCG services; I never heard a sermon on chastity or basic morality!  Not once!

When I arrived in Vancouver from Ottawa, I was shocked at the amount of open fornictaion going on, with even some reprobates bragging that they attended because church girls were easy.  A fact that the Armstong’s and certain other elders can attest to.
The apostle also wants you to known that you can be a fornicator and adulterer when you love your hobbies, cars and job more than our spouse.

Today in the COG as in the world, there are vast numbers of emotional and spiritual adulterers. If we love father or mother, sister or brother; more than we love our spouse we are committing adultery in an emotional sense, Mat 10:37.  If we love friends or job, hobbies, clothes or cars and any other toys, more than we love our spouse:  we are committing emotional adultery.  
 Menstruating wives are off limits even for seven days afterwards.  I imagine if Malm had his way the women in his cult would need to be using menstruating huts set apart from the rest of the house as one COG leader years ago had proposed.

Anal sex is not permitted in Malmism:

Anal sex is not godly or lawful, because it breaks the basic principle of love for our spouse, and not doing physical or mental damage.
 For those into bondage you had better look for other delights to play in:

The more obvious evils like sado masochism and bondage are also forbidden and should not even enter the mind of a person who has God’s spirit, for the spirit would not endure such depraved thinking.

Now to my favorite point from his article:  Sabbath sex!  Hot damn!  Oh, wait.....

Sex on Sabbath or Holy Days.  If a couple is burning, they should have a good session before Sabbath and then wait until after.  I do not say that Sabbath sex is wrong; Adam and Eve were created on the sixth day!  I only say that if passion can be satisfied before Sabbath that might be a good idea .

So all those burning hot hunks of man flesh chasing after nubile young women had better get their delight in before the sun goes down.  Life's tough in Malmland.

How dare COG members have weddings before the Sabbath or even on the Sabbath and Holy Days because it eventually leads to one thing: SEX ON THE SABBATH!  Oh Nooooooooes!

Then the apostle adds this, which I am sure Meredith and others will not appreciate.  The Church has always made it it's businesses of being in the bedroom too.

Beyond these things; the marriage bed is undefiled and whatever a married couple do for and with each other, is totally between them and is totally acceptable.  There is NO commandment or principle prohibiting vaginal, manual or oral sex between married spouses in the Bible.

No one has the right to force his extra-biblical positions about sex on married couples.   That is a great sin for it is adding to God’s law, and is commanding what God has NOT commanded.

No couple meed deprive themselves of the blessings of pleasing their spouses, just because some gentleman has decided for them what he thinks they should be doing or not doing.  What any couple  does for each other in their marriage,  is NOBUDDY else’s business.

E)   There is only one principle more to guide any sexual activity.

Never, never, ever; demand or attempt to force a mate to do what they are personally uncomfortable with.  But if both are willing, then enjoy to the full what God has made for humanity.

Tomorrow I will conclude with more information and some tips.

Oh goodie!  Sex tips from the apostle!  I can't wait!


Anonymous said...

I knew a man who circumcised elephants for the circus. He said the pay was lousy but the tips were big....


Anonymous said...

Scripture says that we should not add to nor take away from it or go beyond what is written. Why do these control freaks continue to dictate to others every detail of their lives as if they are God's mouthpiece? If believers have the Holy Spirit within, can't they decide anything for themselves?

Byker Bob said...

Hypothetically, if Edgar Cayce's theories had been correct, probably Malm would have had one of his lives as a Jew during the intertestamental period, during which all of the do's and don't's were allegedly added to the law. He's very good at this.

If Malm wants to tell us that homosexuality is in bad taste, or that anal sex is a royal pain in the butt, then most would probably take his word for it.


Head Usher said...

Another prime cut of juicy, delicious Armstrongism served up today by our host, Chef Malm.

Sex on the sabbath, OMG. The whole idea is ridiculous nonsense. Also I love how he lays down the law that it's forbidden by listing it, and then says it's not forbidden in the fine print.

"That is a great sin for it is adding to God’s law, and is commanding what God has NOT commanded."

Isn't this what Apostle Malm does every day? Make shit up that isn't even in the bible and then tell you that a Bronze-Age legend said you have to do it or else you won't get any trick-or-treat candy when you show up at the front steps of the Pearly Gates?

Corky said...

I don't see how Xians sleep at night knowing that down the street there are some homos having sex. Their next door neighbor might even be masturbating to a porn flick. Oh, the horrors of it all...and the worst part is...you guessed it, God is watching and is pissed and might just destroy the whole neighborhood with a tornado or something.

You never know though, God really got pissed at Lot's wife but didn't get at all pissed at Lot's daughters. Proving that a glance over the shoulder is a whole lot worse than incest, go figure. Oh well, I reckon their hearts were in the right place, even though their vaginas were not - completely understandable.

And abortion? Well, you know...if you are going to destroy a fetus you have to also kill the mother. Two birds with one stoning, so to speak - bible speak, that is.

Unless, of course, you choose to burn them at the stake as Judah chose to do - until he found out that it was his own git that he had planted in the fake harlot's belly. I suppose it was completely acceptable for him, a patriarch, after all, to be out whoring around.

Anonymous said...

I really need to know this..

Of all of the ministers wives in the COGS. Which wife would have been the best piece of..well you know what I mean.

Allen C. Dexter said...

Life got so much easier for me during about the last decade once I figured out there was no god looking over my shoulder and passing judgment on my every thought and action, there was no seven-day creation at any time, so no sabbath day to worry about, Jewish and Middle Eastern cultural were no more to be followed than any other, etc.

Then, I read Hawaii by Michener and found out what a wonderful way of life the original Hawaiians led until those hard-ass, stupid missionaries happened on the scene and introduced their hypocrisies and conterfeit morals and all the associated guilt. Paradise was definitely destroyed and like the native Americans, they are now saddled with the same crap the rest of the religious world is saddled with.

I have an adopted Yavapai Apache step-son who has developed into quite an admirable middle-aged man, but he had to go get himself baptized into the Baptist Church. I don't get into it with him because it's his life and business, but I think it's ironic that he buys into the crap brought by the oppressors who destroyed his people and culture. A Jewish messiah for him indeed. How almost unbelievable.

Lake of Fire Church of God said...

My recollection of the WCG from the 1960s/1970s as preached from the pulpit was that "sex on the Sabbath" is forbidden!

Armstrongites sure like to talk a lot about sex - unless you are Garner Ted Armstrong who did more than just talk, and was busy in bed with every Ambassador College girl he could get his hands on when he wasn't busy on radio and television telling America how morally corrupt it was.


Allen C. Dexter said...

Garner Ted was just a classic televangelist. Preaching a draconian message he never believed but it kept the suckers sending it in. The longer he kept at it, the more hardened he became.

I used to wonder what made him sit at a desk in those early years, looking at a pistol and fighting the urge to end it all. He mentioned that several times in sermons, but I think the struggle came to end as he settled into his lifestyle.

Anonymous said...

Malm needs to get laid.
In fact, his whole holier-than-thou shtick may be because his wife left him and he doesn't get to play 'hide the sausage' any more.


Anonymous said...

"The more obvious evils like sado masochism and bondage are also forbidden and should not even enter the mind of a person who has God’s spirit, for the spirit would not endure such depraved thinking."

I guess all non-vanilla sex is out for TRUE christians then.