Saturday, January 26, 2013

Prophet/Overseer Thiel: Only Appropriate Males Can Pray In My Church




The undervalued and much maligned prophet of the Continuing Church of God has laid down the law today for those who will be holding house church services. Only "appropriate males" may pray.  Sorry women!  You should know by now that only REAL men can preach and pray.  You women are a little too daft to be considered able to pray.

Note that only "appropriate Males" may pray.


here is my suggested format for Sabbath services for January 26, 2013:

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

That "woo hoo" prayer has more meaning and is more honest than any of the 5 minute prayers I heard in the COG over decades.

Anonymous said...

It won't be long before there will be enough Sabbath services behind them, where appropriate males have been praying. Then the others will figure out just who are the inappropriate males.

These truths will evolve into "ranks"
"AM" appropriate male
"IM" in appropriate male
"JAW" Just A Woman
"ATPM" Appropriate Tape Playing Male

“I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!”

Homer Simpson

"

Douglas Becker said...

If by "appropriate males" he means men that are not insane, he won't have any takers.

Assistant Deacon said...

I may just have to change my moniker to "Appropriate Male." But...are there cool armbands?

Retired Prof said...

I am not ashamed to admit I am an inappropriate male.

After I had secretly decided not to re-enroll in Ambassador College after my freshman year, an unsuspecting minister invited some of us undergraduates to go with him to San Diego to hear him preach. Afterwards we went to a restaurant overlooking the bay--one of those fancy ones at the top of a skyscraper that rotated slowly so patrons could view a constantly changing panorama. It was the fanciest place I had ever been in. Apparently the minister was trying to show us the glories in store for us if we stayed loyal to the Radio Church of God and Herbert W. Armistong.

When our meal came, he asked me to say the blessing. Privately I had often tried to pray and always failed because I could never feel the presence of anyone listening. Months earlier I had given up. So now I politely declined the opportunity to say grace. The minister looked taken aback and said, "if you don't do it now, you may never be asked again." Outwardly I nodded and gave a slight shrug. Inwardly I said a big "Hot damn! I'm off the hook for good."

My filet mignon (without the bacon wrap) was excellent. I enjoyed it thoroughly. And never since have I said grace.

Head Usher said...


Retired Prof wrote:
"Privately I had often tried to pray and always failed because I could never feel the presence of anyone listening."

I feel like there was always a lot of smoke and mirrors going on. The "work," being on radio and then tv, the publication of a "glossy" magazine, the meeting of world leaders, the edifices, the jet planes, the ostentatious displays of wealth, the class structure from royalty down to peon, the armbands, etc.

All of that was intended to demonstrate the fact that Herbert, and his vaunted stormtroopers (club of ministers) had found god, and god had chosen them to carry out his will. And so there developed a gathering of innocent victims who became convinced that Herbert really had found something special, something of value, and that he could help them to find it as well.

But finally, at the end of the day, all the promises fell flat. I spent many years searching for god, but privately I had no experience of having received any "holy spirit," I never felt that anyone was listening to or answering my prayers, and I never felt that I was any closer to finding any god. Finally, I had to throw in the towel and admit that the entire thing had been a hoax.

But the smoke and mirrors function equally well as propaganda and as distraction, as in, "Pay no attention to the god who is not behind the curtain." The ministerial class has never big on giving sermons with titles like, "My Experience Finding God." Why? Because privately, none of them had ever had any such experiences to talk about. But the "glories," perks, and the respect they have always received as that which is "due" to the "ministerial" class was too good for them to want to quit the show. "Besides, who knows, maybe someday I will find god," I can imagine them thinking. "This many people can't all be wrong!" Yeah, they can, and all of them are busy justifying the fact that privately they haven't found god with the exact same logic. But nobody ever says any of this to anyone else because, how embarrassing to admit it if it turns out that I am the only one here who hasn't found god? Especially if you're a minister!

The propaganda campaigns of smoke and mirrors continue and the gathering of people convinced by it that there is something special to be found has not finished dissipating yet. The show must go on! But in the final analysis, there's nothing at the center. Absolutely nothing.

Kudos to you, Retired Prof, for seeing clearly through the smoke, not being confused by the mirrors, and figuring it all out so quickly.

Byker Bob said...

I didn't find God or have any kind of real spiritual experience through Armstrongism, either. My impression of Ambassador College was that many of my fellow students were indeed sincere, but were unwittingly participating in group fakery. And, of course, one of their models of thought involved some who might possibly have been destined for the Laodecean era. What total rubbish.

This pronouncement by Thiel is beyond pathetic. It denies the women in scripture who functioned as judges, matriarchs, and teachers. It also implies that somehow God listens to a man's prayers more closely than He does a woman's. I'd like to ask "Dr." Thiel what his reaction might be if Mary, the mother of Jesus, were suddenly alive and visiting his little studio up there in Arroyo Grande. Would she be allowed to open or close with prayer?

This Thiel dude has been eating too many Cocoa Puffs.

BB

Anonymous said...

According to the New Testament portion of the Bible, any woman who prays with her head uncovered dishonors her head.

Also, "suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.", and "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak."