Tuesday, September 24, 2013

James Malm and His Incredibly BORING Feast Sermons

First we had Bob Thiel with his extremely pathetic "Behind the Work" video that scrapped the bottom  of the barrel for entertainment and news worthiness.  Now we have James Malm speaking at his cult feast site. 

You will only be able to listen to 5 minutes or so, if you can even make it that far!

 I cannot imagine sitting in his services for 8 days listen to this  garbage!  The worst part is shortly after the beginning where he catches himself before he belches.


Allen C. Dexter said...

It really galls me to remember how much of my meager earnings I wasted listening to this kind of garbage when I could have spent far less on real vacations and things me and my family needed.
So soon old. So late smart.

Head Usher said...

Greetings friends around the world, and welcome to Chairman Malm's feast-gulag 2013 (on the evil, calculated, Roman calendar)! Even if you couldn't be here in person, now you can suffer along remotely, through the power of technology that god has created for the purpose of "opening doors" for the preaching his one troo gospel and warning message! (No, really, god used Al Gore to create the internet mostly for this purpose!)

Yes, I noticed he'd posted some audio files, listened for about a minute to see if he sounded at all in front of a live audience like he did in the privacy of his one bedroom apartment that doubles as the "worldwide headquarters" of "the earthshattering work" headed by the one troo mouthpeice of god "on earth today"!

If anything, I thought he sounded even more unimpressive. Maybe unimpressive isn't the right word. He sounds like he's suffering from the initial stages of a terminal disease. Thankfully most things like that aren't contagious, but what a pox upon my house if I had to listen to him for 8-9 days in person, in a barn, eating pears and Edam cheese, with my Little Feast Book of apostolic quotes concealed in my bible for easy reference. At any rate, he doesn't sound as though he's in any condition to do any "strenous" Davidic dancing, even on the middle days, when such activities are permissible.

I hope his god allows him seek medical help.

Or at least palliative care.

Anonymous said...

Most boring feast speaker ever! I couldn't last 5 minutes.

Byker Bob said...

Sounds like we've got someone who would have failed his Ambassador College second year speech class "sermonette speech" leading a Feast of Tabernacles, and nobody from the audience is willing to stand up and tell him he has bombed.

No biggie. Prophets are bombing, too!


Byker Bob said...

I'm beginning to wonder if the September zeitgeist is all about travel! Maybe that is part of the general order of the universe. I don't doo feasts, but it seems like I've suddenly got stuff that needs handling in all the far out areas of my territory! Today was a 650 mile day, hours of which were spent driving through the Navajo Nation. The spectacular geological formations were all the sermon I needed! My neck and back started getting kind of cricki, and suddenly, I realized that to experience this stuff fully, I really needed to be on my old Shovelhead! That would beat one of these amateur preacher dudes and his sermons about the law all to 773H! Oops, you gotta turn your computer screen upside down to get that one!


kellym said...

For those of you familiar with the term "eternal September", this will add an entirely new definition to consider.

Sweetblood777 said...

Is this his normal voice? Or is he putting it on?

I thought that David Hulme was bad, but this guy sounds like he needs a huge dose of testosterone.

To me he sounds so fake. Taking an extremely long time to complete a sentence, with deep breathing as if he had a mask on.

Now that I think of it, I'm right. He is wearing a mask of deception appearing and trying to talk 'holy.'

It is truly sad that the WCG has come to this. Pathetic little men robbed of testosterone; full of estrogen; making them think, sound, and act like women.

It hard to imagine this guy having a straight inclination for the female species. If anything, he sounds queer; like a mama's boy that has some very serious issues with his sexuality.

Anonymous said...

I guess one man's boring is another man's inspiring....especially if the man happens to to be herbalistically brainwashed.
Poor Malm, though. He's trying to catch a wave, but the sea of Armstrongism is now calm.
The best chance of getting sheepish herbalistically brainwashed followers is long past.
The biggest wave of that, was when the asshole UCG "council of shitbags" sleazily split the WCG and got a bunch of Herb's disaffected ignorant sheep to start paying them tithes.

Sweetblood777 said...

Head Usher said...

Greetings friends around the world, and welcome to Chairman Malm's feast-gulag 2013... more like feast-gag.

Think of it, eight long boring days of listening until zombification of your mind is complete. Upon completion of this process, you will have no problem writing your tithe check/cheque to little old wimpy me.


Sharon said...

Sweetblood: I thought the same thing as you. He sounds a little "delicate" and needs to grow a pair.

Anonymous said...

Hey, this could be a truly new wrinkle! A redefining of the acronym ACOG! The Androgynous Church of God.

Anonymous said...

The scriptures are correct as he reads them, but the way he reads them are simply not uplifting, not inspiring, but rather boring. He has absolutely no enthusiasm, just a mostly monotone soft delivery as if he himself is bored with what he is saying. He has no oomph in his voice, how anyone can handle sitting through this is incredible. I don't mean to put him down or anything, he is sincere, he actually believes in himself, but maybe that's the whole problem, he believes in himself. I couldn't make the 5 minute mark either.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Oh my Oh my!

It sounds like the consensus is that Jimmy Malm is in need of a "spiritual Pos-T-Vac"!

Some people have a natural gift of gab, and some do not.
Those who do not, and try to force it, end up seeming odd and strange due to the insincerity factor.

It's best to be who you are, rather than trying to be who you aren't.

Homer said...

I didn't make it to the 5 minute mark either. Literally, I went into a sound sleep. z-z-z-z-z-z-z I must be more tired than I thought. How could I not stay allert during this exciting -uh- never mind.