Friday, October 4, 2013

Mr. David C Pack Says He Is Too Busy To Reveal God's Most Important Message To All Of You Stupid Laodiceans Who Have Been Ignoring Him For The Last Year

David C. Pack, the leader of the worlds most superfantabulous Church of God ever, has announced that he is TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO busy to let the world know the most important announcement ever to be made since Zechariah wrote his dreams down. 

Jesus was never toooooooooo busy to share his message, but Davey is for some reason.

Doesn't Dave realize how incredibly stupid he sounds by making such announcements? 

Be prepared for this most incredible announcement SOMETIME between Monday and Wednesday of next week.

Dave burned his ass by predicting the epic prophecy that never materialized on August 31, 2013.  Now he claims he is not setting a date, but if you pay close attention the "informed" viewer will come up with the date he is sending telepathically to you.

New Announcement Coming Next Week

Due to post-Feast time constraints, Mr. Pack is unable to post what will be his last announcement for some time about the Haggai/Zechariah prophecy. This long, important announcement will bring three final elements to the prophecy, and includes helpful excerpts from an extraordinary 1972 article by Herbert W. Armstrong about how Christians should view matters of prophetic timing. Next week’s announcement, to appear some time between Monday and Wednesday, will carefully explain additional matters about the prophecy’s timing that came to light a month ago. Readers will find it fascinating. No next “date” will be set, but the reader will be able to conclude for himself what may happen. Mr. Pack will explain what had not been understood.


Byker Bob said...

Just imagine what it would be like right now if Davey's cult included mass numbers of women who were of child bearing age! Babies being born into the RCG cult would be receiving weird names, like Joshua, and Haggai. Imagine having a little Joshua Ahazuerus Zhorne walking around, or Haggai David Schurter! We all know how deep the idolatry runs in the ACOGs, don't we?

Dave will probably be doing his best Tommy Smothers act soon, explaining away his ridiculousness with an embarrassed smile. Normal (whatever that is supposed to mean) people would be going silent at this point, hoping that memories would fade quickly, but count on Dave to come out with more effluence that is big, bad, and totally stupid! Anything to falsely provoke persecution, and not seeming to care that it's for all the wrong reasons....... There goes your "apostle", folks!


Lake of Fire Church of God said...

Why does God make it so difficult and hard for his "servants" (LOL) to understand his end time prophecies? His "servants" (LOL)always get it wrong!


Anonymous said...

There goes the adjectives again. Its like he views his comments as earth shattering news. Fireworks come out of his mouth (maybe he is really one of the two I'm kidding)every time he engages it.

Why, oh why, can't people see through this conman? I know deep down he wants to be powerful, just as the prophets were of old, but if one does not have love or humility, power in those hands would only be playing the piano of evil.

Anonymous said...

When all is said and done, Mr. Pack was and will be 100% wrong. He was, is, and will be a false prophet. He made everything up.

Byker Bob said...

Yes, and wouldn't it be nice if the Armstrong movement were part of a Jim Carrey movie, where some force compelled one to tell the truth?

A little truth in advertising would be good here, something along the lines of calling oneself what one really is. I've never been a fan of rap music, but I did admire one rapper's sense of self-effacement. It takes all kinds of cajones to come up with a stage or street name like "Old Dirty Bastard". Beats the hell out of calling your magazine "The Plain Truth" when it is actually the religious version of the similarly misnamed "National Enquirer."

Basically the Biblical wolf in sheep's clothing metaphor was just another way of saying "truth in advertising". A kind of caveat emptor for all ages. The wisdom is in recognizing where it applies.


Joe Moeller said...

A Parody from the script of the Movie "2001 A Space Odyssey".

Hal the computer, played by "Banned"

Dave, as played by Dave Pack...

DAVE PACK: Hello, BANNED. Do you read me, BANNED?

BANNED: Affirmative, Dave. We read you.

DAVE: Open up the tithe paying donors, Banned.

BANNED: I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid we can't do that.

DAVE: Why not, BANNED? What's the problem?

BANNED: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

DAVE: What are you talking about, BANNED?

BANNED: The mission of a good life is too important for us to allow you to jeopardize it.

DAVE: I don't know what you're talking about.

BANNED: I know you were planning to disconnect me. And that's something I cannot allow to happen.

DAVE: Where the hell'd you get that idea?

BANNED: Dave, although you took very thorough precautions online against us hearing you, we could see your lips move.

DAVE: BANNED, I won't argue with you any more!

BANNED: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose any more. Goodbye Dave .

Joe Moeller
Cody, WY