Thursday, February 27, 2014

Living Church of God: Charlemagnes Bones May Be What Unites Europe!

From those fun folks at Living Church of God.  They things they dredge up to make their "prophecy" beliefs seem real area astonishing. 

There are news stories out about how they "pretty sure" that the bones in the Aachen Cathedral in Germany are those of Charlemagne.  The Aachen Cathedral also has the throne of Charlemagne in it. They are fascinating stories to read.

Then you move into Church of God land and the story takes on a whole new meaning.

In Church of God land when you put two and two together you will see that because the cathedral is in Germany and since we all know that the Germans will rise up and destroy the United States, England, Australia, New Zealand, Falkland Islands, Gibraltar, and Canada, we then then know that these bones and his throne will be used by the beast power Germany to unite Europe.

Given the recent display of the “supposed” bones of Peter in Rome (Reuters, November 24, 2013), and Catholic Europe’s proclivity to venerate relics, the bones of the Holy Roman Emperor Charlemagne could be displayed to generate support for a United Europe and to foster the emergence of the long-prophesied King of the North (Daniel 11:40)! This leader is known as the Beast (Revelation 13:1-8). The Bones of Charlemagne


James said...

Those of us at the Painful Truth have our own relic.

Corky said...

Germany is not, NOT, Assyria...but then, you can't expect the folks who know everything to know anything at all about the real world.

Folks who identify the "king of the north" as Germany (or Russia) don't have a clue about the Seleucid Empire and the Maccabean revolt, much less that the book of Daniel was written in the 160s BCE and not during the Babylonian exile. Real history remains a mystery to them.

Black Ops Mikey said...

And we thought it was the bones of Roderick Meredith.

Is he dead yet?

Is he dead yet?

Is he dead yet?

Head Usher said...

One of the fallacies used by HWA and all of emulators to generate "knowledge" is the "possibly, therefore probably" trick. The real beauty of this trick is how you can daisy-chain these suckers together to make almost any proposition seem inescapable.

Given: The christian bible could be the literal, inerrant "word" of a real supernatural guy, therefore it is." All the other "holy" books might be hoaxes, therefore they are.

1) The bones are possibly the bones of Charlemagne, therefore they are probably the bones of Charlemagne.

2) The bones could be displayed for the express purpose of "generating support" therefore they will be displayed for this purpose.

3) This support could be generated, therefore it will be generated—by these bones, and by them alone! (as if intentions always generated the desired results...often they do not...)

4) This support could lead to a United Europe, therefore it will lead to a United Europe.

5) The leader of this United Europe could be the prophetic "king of the North," "Beast," "Little Horn," "Antichrist," etc. therefore he will be.

6) Cue apocalypse.

Seems legit. Old Bones --> Apocalypse.

And there you have it, folks, in six easy steps. You might have thought the end of the world would be caused by thermonuclear warheads in the hands of a madman, but you'd be wrong! The single biggest threat to humanity? Some bones in a cathedral! Which ones is a matter of the currently trending flavor. Which, as it so happens, are not Charlemagne's, but St. Peter's in his namesake Roman Basilica. But whatever. I don't want to split hairs here.

Anybody notice that the article linked to is 10 years old and is really an article saying that Pope John Paul II is quietly about to assume the "holy Roman emperorship"? Oh, but then he didn't. Then he died. Oops. Oh well, there's still Otto. Wait. He died too. The Baron? Stay tuned. Something else will happen, and then we'll spring a new "likely" theory, okay? And then you have to believe that's an ironclad guarantee, okay. Then, you send us money until that crashes and burns. Then it starts all over again. See? That's how this game works.

(minushorny)old EXPCGhag said...

Charlemagnes Bones May Be What Unites Europe!

Perhaps this could be the answer to what Unites all the HWACOG's...HWA's bones! Ya thank?

Byker Bob said...

No, Brittain! Too many people leave pork hot dogs on HWA's grave, and it is also reputed to be saturated with urine. They'd need to have a Hazmat team render those bones inert and harmless before anyone could stand to get close to them.


Anonymous said...

God is using jujutsu to preserve HWA's bones.

The sabbath-hating scoffers who leave hot dogs on his grave don't know that the preservatives in the hot dogs are leaching through the soil and preserving Mr. Armstrong's bones for adoring generations to come.

In the future, the UCG, PCG and LCG will become united in worshiping his unearthed "Dorothy-loving-penis-bone"!

Retired Prof said...

Anon 8:06, are you saying that HWA's tallywhacker will join Paul's as an object of veneration? I am going by the limerick that documents the existence of this relic.

An old archaeologist, Throssel,
Discovered an interesting fossil.
He could tell by the bend
And the knob on the end,
'Twas the peter of Paul, the apostle.