Thursday, January 8, 2015

Ghastly Days! Jelly Is Back Learning the "Holy" Days....Barf Bags Required

Vomit inducing..........


Anonymous said...

My mother loves this pile of blue shit. She thinks it is UCG's best evangelism tool they have have. She also thinks the guy who makes the videos is "cool" looking with his vintage hipster dress and vintage cars. Pathetic ass is more like it!

Anonymous said...

This is as stupid as the Christian megachurch hipster leaders.

Since these jerks operate tax-free, the USPS should provide postage-free boxes to send our puke to these puke-producers.

(Or in the case of the UCG, maybe a jelly jar of puke- instead of a box of puke)

Please send your Jelly Jar of puke to:
United Church of God
,care of Victor Kubik
P.O. Box 541027
Cincinnati, OH 45254

Connie Schmidt said...

In response from a recently posted thread about Gestapo tactics and the LCG, especially in regards to RCM and Bob League...

It is reported that Bob League has died . He was 81 years old.

Chuckles said...

If I didn't hear and see this I would never believe it, how absolutely absurd is this even though it was meant to be helpful or positive, sorry, this is not going to get anyone's attention other than please hand me a barf bag.

old EXPCG hag said...

Well actually this couldn't be more true to the goofy people that make up the COG'S. They're all a bunch of goobers!

Anonymous said...

UCG's attempts, using Jelly, to join the rest of christendom, which is also grappling with "The Great Evangelical Recession," are unlikely to fix anything. Vic Kubik is not alone in feeling the pain caused by a falling tide. In the greater scheme of things, Jelly is an ineffectual attempt at a half-measure.

John S. Dickerson writes, "260,000 evangelical young people walk away from Christianity each year. Of that number 35% will find their way back, and 65% do not. Why are they leaving? They don't believe anymore...This is not a blip. This is a trend. And the trend is one of decline."

Sociologist Josh Packard says that the most dedicated and active people in a congregation are now the most likely ones to leave. He calls these people, the "Dones." The people upon whom a church most relies are going away and younger people in the next generation are not lining up to refill their duties or the emptying pews. Why are the "Dones" done? After sitting through countless sermons and bible studies, they feel they’ve already heard it all. They've already reaped whatever benefits christianity might have to offer. Fact is, the dedicated, the ones who are actively working their religion, are those best positioned to justify the conclusion that all the "secrets" have been revealed, every card is face up on the table, no stone has been left unturned, and yet, the "fruits" still remain illusory. The obvious upshot is that christianity isn't functioning because Jesus isn't there to make it go.

With what tools are the churches confronting "The Great Evangelical Recession"? The usual suggestions are that churches need to be more "real" or "engaging" or have hipper "praise music," or focus less on hotbutton issues like homosexuality. Of course, Armstrongist cults are less likely to engage in any of this deity-angering "compromise," so Armstrongists have fewer tools at their disposal to staunch their bleeding.

But when even the more drastic measures already employed by mainstream churches are not working, how can we expect Vic Kubik's still only half-measures to solve any problems at all? When they "pulled out all the stops" with their billboard campaign, we found out in hard, demonstrable terms, how even the biggest guns UCG has don't make a dent in the problem. Even this is a half-measure. Enter Jelly: a UCG attempt to be "more engaging." Prognosis: D.O.A.

Jelly fails to address the issue that we're not leaving because UCG wasn't "engaging" enough. We're leaving because we find Herbert Armstrong to be wrong, Armstrongism to be abusive, or christianity itself to be false. Throwing Jelly around doesn't address any of these issues. Smearing us with Jelly when we're kids isn't going to make it any more likely that we'll "stick around" (pun intended) after college, at which point these same root issues are still going to be there.

Religion is the new "buggy whip." Religious brands now face stiffer competition than they ever have before. The market for religion is falling. Church leaders need to be asking themselves what substitute "products" people are reaching for instead of religion, rather than just how to reinvigorate their old brands.

Methodological Naturalism is generating more plausible and more defensible explanations of "reality" than religions, and this is beginning to make religious products obsolete. People are reaching for a more compelling and coherent version of "reality" than the one christianity has to offer. After 2000 years of evolution and adaptation, this is a problem to which christianity finally cannot adapt.

Anonymous said...

What was that on his face at the end of that video? Was that yogurt or something else?

If that is what passes as entertainment in the UCG then they are in trouble.

Anonymous said...

Good idea...poor effort! Classic UCG Fail!

Anonymous said...

This horrible bit of video is more horrendous than any of the Armstrongists can know.

There's not a thing contemporary about it. It looks (as it really is) to be a parody on Armstrongism. Everything appears centered in about 1958, with the theological depth of some spilt milk.

It really does reflect Armstrongism: There's nothing there but some contrived and artificial doctrines and dicta, all of which prevent the conduct of a truly useful and theologically rewarding life under authentic Grace.

Were I still an Armstrongist (thankfully no longer — I live now under the authentic grace the scriptures so clearly pronounce), I'd be embarrassed with any posting of this video. It's utterly revealing, except to insiders who are abysmally deluded with their misunderstood special status as believers of selected portions of the Levitical Laws. On the surface, it's easy and fun to just laugh at the failed theater of this video. But I pray for those still mired in Armstrongism. Neither the present nor future for them is promising.

Ralph said...

Hi, I for one have no problem with the Holy days, believing that I understand the meaning of the Hebrew "HaOlam"
ps. I am not associated with any corporate religious entity and see myself as a 'freelance' Christian.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Armstrongists dream that their "kingdom" is going to be like 1950's America or something. Like an episode of Father Knows Best. Those were the good ol' days, back when everybody hated fags and god still liked America best. You can tell because America won WW2 [not true]. Then came the 60's and the "sexual revolution," which, as everyone knows, is the reason why we lost in Vietnam [also not true].

At 2:40, Jon McGee says, "The feasts are really important [to Jesus, and he gets really angry whenever anyone doesn't keep one]. God tells us to keep these special holy days to help us understand his special plan."

In the first place, all of that is one big "private interpretation," just like "church eras" and "British Israelism." These are not biblical ideas, they are ideas that men have brought to the bible. But, in reality, you can't read the bible without creating your own private interpretation. Show me an interpretation that isn't private, and I'll show you a sociopath who thinks he's a prophet.

And in the second, if these "holy days" really were so important, how come nobody can agree which days they are? That by itself really makes a mockery of the entire thing.

Anonymous said...

Here's the problem. Most people who hear about some really weird religious beliefs that someone teaches that you will be forced to accept are automatically going to turn tail and run the other way.

So far as Jelly goes, if Hitler had had himself a Jelly to try to make gassing Jews palatable, what would the actually sane people have thought of him?

~Miguel de la Rodente

Ralph said...

"And in the second, if these "holy days" really were so important, how come nobody can agree which days they are? That by itself really makes a mockery of the entire thing.

January 9, 2015 at 4:30 PM"

Anon, you say that "nobody can agree which days they are" and that is not strictly true. Many will agree on one particular day while many others will not, and offer an alternative. How does this make a mockery of the whole thing? I find it an advantage to listen to all points and prove, by scripture, who has the right answer. I guess I've stuck my neck out in saying that.

Minimalist said...

How about "Jelly learns the Babylonian origin of the feast days by visiting the Library"?

Anonymous said...

"I find it an advantage to listen to all points and prove, by scripture, who has the right answer. I guess I've stuck my neck out in saying that."

Guess so. Pray tell, who have you concluded has the "right" answer? And what makes you feel so sure about your conclusion?

Thing is, all these nuts (James Malm, for example) read the same scriptures, but with different priorities, and "prove," by those same scriptures, different things, and thus reach different private interpretations, which they assume is not their own, but is actually "god's" interpretation. So they all think they're the special ones who finally got it all figured out. Problem is, only one, at most, could have the "right" answer.

Meanwhile the muslims are keeping other days, and the hindus are keeping other days, and they feel just as sure that they're the special ones who finally got it all figured out.

Now, who has the "right" answer again? Gosh, now we're in a pickle.

Anonymous said...

Everything about this video is outdated. The car, the way they where dressed even the carney song.

Isn't this typical of armstrongism to try to make crap like this palatable to the public.

Santa Maria said...

I just wanted to state that Richard Ritenbaugh squeals like a girl in his sermons to make a point.
It is too much.
There its said.

Mom said...

"My mother loves this pile of blue shit."
You are GROUNDED you pathetic excuse for a son.
Love Mom

Ralph said...

January 10, 2015 at 8:21 AM
Anonymous said...
"who have you concluded has the "right" answer?"

The right answer to what? Would you care to give an example?

"Meanwhile the muslims are keeping other days, and the hindus are keeping other days,"

I don't see any connection with Christianity there. I thought we were talking about Yehovah's Holy days.

"Problem is, only one, at most, could have the "right" answer."

Only one?? How do you figure that?

Anonymous said...

"The right answer to what? ..."

Duh! What else?

"... I thought we were talking about jehovah's "holy" days."

Oh, wait, you're not as dumb as you pretend to be. Since there is no general consensus on which days (24 hour periods) of the year "god" is supposedly wanting people to regard as "holy." With different competing private interpretations, and different groups of people, all of whom claim have the "right" interpretation, it really draws into question whether there really is a god who really does want people to do this. If so, why make it an insoluble puzzle so that people can't figure out how? Of course, I am sure that you feel you have "the" solution. Only thing is, your "solution" does not generate a consensus, so it really doesn't provide any solutions.

"Would you care to give an example?"

Sure. How about from the Jelly show: pentecost/shavuot.

Which version of the calendar is the correct one? Some people keep the days removed by a month because they don't believe in a calendar with intercalations.

The Sadducees said this "sabbath" in Leviticus 23:15–16 is a proper noun referring to the weekly sabbath. Karaites and Samaritans, accept that the omer count begins the first Sunday after the first sabbath of Pessah, so that pentecost always falls on Sunday seven weeks later. Some say it always falls on Monday. I have heard there are even some that say Tuesday!

The rabbis who compiled the Talmud said this "sabbath" is the generic for day of rest, referring to the first day of Pessah. Accordingly, the count begins the second day of Pessah rather the night before and so that pentecost always falls on Sivan 6.

I have not attempted to compile an exhaustive list of variations. I am sure there are more "workable" solutions.

"Only one?? How do you figure that?"

How do you figure? How many days of pentecost, for example, do think there are in one year?

"I don't see any connection with Christianity there. "

Really? In logic, there's a little thing called the law of non-contradiction. In accordance with this principle, there can be only one "true" religion at most. This is not news.

If allah really is the creator god, as muslims, say, and not yahweh, then guess what, all your christian days aren't "holy" after all. If lord brahma is the creator god, as hindus, say, and not yahweh, then guess what, again, this poses a slight "problem" for the "holiness" of your christian days.

As before, each "one true religion" does not generate a consensus, so it really doesn't provide any solutions. The fact that there are so many competing "one true religions" makes a mockery of the idea that there could be a "one true religion."

Byker Bob said...

Tune in to next week's exciting new Youtube episode, as Jelly demonstrates "How to Stone a False Teacher,"