Saturday, April 2, 2016

America's Fate and Hope Lie Squarely in the Hands of the Two Witless Witnesses: Ron and Laura Weinland

The boozy witnesses

Relax everyone!  Our savior are in our midst.  Thanks to that amazing ministry of the recently released felon Ron Weinland and his money laundering wife Laura  America's salvation rests in their hands.

God has now placed the main hope of the United States squarely in the hands of His two witnesses who alone are given the power to help deliver them. The extent of destruction that each of the trumpet blasts and thunders can inflict upon her depends solely on the extent that she will humble herself and listen to God’s two witnesses. If she will not listen, she will not only suffer from great destruction inflicted by a powerful military strike against her, but catastrophic events from natural disasters and plagues can have just as massive of an impact. These actually have the ability to become far more destructive than the weapons that will be used against her. It all depends on her response toward God and those whom He has sent to them. The fate of the people of the United States rests fully in their own hands and whether they can be humbled quickly or not.  Chapter 6, Part 3
Dingy Ron and his equally dingy wife are our new saviors.

Dave Pack can't help us.  He can't even gather tens of thousands of COG members to jump over to his group, so why would we ever believe him? Gerald Flurry won't help, between paying for operetta's about sex and his grand-kid's Irish dance lessons, he cant afford to help us.  And Rod Meredith is so preoccupied by gay sex that he can't help.  Bob Amos Thiel is a fraud, so there is no help coning from him.  Herbert is dead, so that help is long gone...though he may be resurrected to come back and whip the church and the country into shape.  All of this epic failure only leaves two ideal people. Ron and Laura Weinland, our saviors.

But how much faith can we put in felon Ron Weiland?  Every single prophecy he has ever uttered has been a complete and well documented failure. Ron is a liar and Laura is a liar.

The prophecy schtick that the ministers of Armstrongism trot forth day by day is a failure also.  Hundreds and hundreds of uttered and worsen properties have failed.  Not one thing they have said has been true.


Byker Bob said...

What cracks me up is that the followers of each of these groups try to convince anyone who will listen that their choice in scammer is somehow real, and all the others are the imposters.


Anonymous said...

Priceless posting once again!
What can I say.
Tears roling down my cheek from laughter.

Anonymous said...

Just look at that picture of those two boozy false witnesses. They know that it is all a big joke. When will their audience catch on and start to laugh too? Or did the audience overpay by far too much to attend the show to be able to see the humour in it and to be able to laugh about their own gullibility?

DennisCDiehl said...

Most denominations believe their choice is for sure real and all others aren't. Religion is a divisive force between good folk and the force behind conquest and all the terrorism in the world

Anonymous said...

ummm, I think you meant to say Wrong Religion is a divisive force between good folk and the force behind conquest and all the terrorism in the world.

Right Religion has nothing to do with that....but then, Wrong Religion constantly wages war against Right Religion, trying to sully it's name.

Anonymous said...

You know, if the Armstrong cults had spent their time and money on charitable works and teaching their members to actually imitate Christ, they might have produced a healthier membership and actually done some good. Prophecy, while a legitimate Biblical topic, has been used as nothing more than a ruse to keep people from wandering off. They've achieved nothing of value, born no witness to Christ, and warped forever those that didn't leave. Just a bunch of misplaced zeal that should have been focused on much more important things.

What a waste.

Anonymous said...

The COG False Prophets Offer a Variety of Similar Choices:

Flurry's PCG: Irish dance until you drop. Abuse comes standard (not an option). The old sex perverts that you are assigned to service will be provided for you, and you will be provided to them--whether you like it or not. Get bullied by a little runt.

Pack's RCG: “Anoint your eyes” with crazy glue until they are tightly shut. Give until you are destitute. Must change your mind about what you believe as many times as Dave does--no more, no less. Hear the yelling. Feel the spitting. Become a “bum.”

Weinland's COG-PKG: Read fiction. Vicariously travel and shop. Financially support all the fiction and vicarious stuff with real dollars. Wonder if it is safe to watch television when you cannot tell fiction from reality. Laugh at nonsense until you cry.

Theil's CCG: Get scammed. Period. Look like a dunce. (All this is included for “free” by the other three groups. Well, not totally for “free.” It will actually cost a lot in any of the groups.)

Anonymous said...

"Right Religion"

Apparently we have a genius here, who has thoroughly examined thousands of religions and has, with his genius, been able to look at them all objectively and decided which is the right one.

It wouldn't happen to be one that existed within the narrow slice of what he came across in his particular culture, would it?

Byker Bob said...

Who knows? Maybe he subjected all of the religions to computer analysis? Whatever else we know, the computer would most certainly have rejected Armstrongism as being one of the most wrong! That's all that most of us care about. Most religions are relatively harmless. It's just the bad ones that make people want to stamp it all out.


Anonymous said...

"Who knows? Maybe he subjected all of the religions to computer analysis? Whatever else we know, the computer would most certainly have rejected Armstrongism as being one of the most wrong!"

LOL at subjecting all religions to computer analysis!
Christianity certainly contains a plethora of "the most wrong and kooky", with TV preachers and megachurch preachers topping the list. Of course, there those less on the radar.