Saturday, February 9, 2019

Bob Thiel Answers The Question: Did Edgar Cayce Marry Lilith Before He Dropped His Tithe Off At The Kosher Voting Place Next To The Acting Studio?

It is another fun-filled weekend in Arroyo Grande, home of the improperly named "continuing church of god" and its Chief Overseer and Grand Bawana, Bob Thiel.  He just released his latest information-overload video sermon for this most sacred of Sabbath days.  Does he honestly think any of his African followers care one bit about the majority of these topics?  Instead of sticking to a single point and preaching a well-researched sermon of 20 minutes, he has to spend over an hour and twenty minutes discussing the following topics:

Is studying acting acceptable for Christians?
Will animals, like wolves and lions, remain carnivores?
Does Ezekiel 13 warn against false prophets?
Should you be baptized for the dead?
What are Bible marginal references?
Should you follow people like Edgar Cayce?
How do you calculate a tithe?
What is second tithe?
What is third tithe?
What is the ‘tithe of the tithe’?
When do you start a third tithe year?
Did Adam first marry Lilith?
What are the fasts of Zechariah 8:19?
How is God jealous in Exodus 20:5?
Can women hold outside jobs?
What is kosher?
Would Jesus vote?
Should Christians vote?
Dr. Thiel goes through scriptures, facts, COG documents, and historical information to provide answers.


Anonymous said...

Is studying acting acceptable for Christians?
Obviously not, based on Bob's sermons and animations.

What are Bible marginal references?
Marginal references are what Bob's naturopathy clients give him. Bible marginal references are what his sermon audiences give him.

Should you follow people like Edgar Cayce?
It depends. Are they fleeing a burning building, or standing in line at the DMV?

Can women hold outside jobs?
If her husband is a pale little girly-man who can't handle a lawnmower or a chainsaw, a Proverbs 31 woman may have no choice, unless she wants the outside of her house to look as crummy as one of Bob's bookcases or curtains.

What is kosher?
Not Bob's claims of prophethood, that's for sure!

Would Jesus vote?
In several corrupt American political precincts, He already has done so, multiple times!

Hoss said...

Think of Bob's African evangelists who may be expected to translate his sermons into the local lingo.

As far as his rendition of the Mythical True Church goes, it doesn't matter to me how astute he is on all the Biblical and non-Biblical prophetic ramifications he blurts out, he still blunders scriptural and factual matters in every sermon I've heard.

My offer is still open** to post-edit his videos to remove errors and cut out his water-drinking scenes - which would considerably shorten the length of his ponderous spiels.

** Conditions apply

Anonymous said...

"Oh my Me" Damn, you people are funnier than hell!

I don't get the attraction people see in Bob Thiel. Everything about him screams fraud! Pack and Flurry have more credibility than Thiel does, and that's saying a lot!

DennisCDiehl said...

Bob is an incredibly poor speaker who is unable to engage his audience is a singular topic, explain or prove it in his world and stop. No real church pastor on earth would ever be allowed to speak for almost 90 minutes every time he wanted to speak. The church would have something to say about that and it would not be kind. He'd also be out of a job I imagine.

The fact that Bob is using the old WCG mail answering questions shows that he has run out of ideas for real sermons and is about as shallow an approach as can be imagined. It also shows he thinks the old answers are eternally correct. That was back in the day when the ministry was expected to have an answer for every picky and mundane question the overzealous could come up with. They also insisted, I am sure, on answering them with the one true answer.

Bob imagines himself an authority on the mind of God. Well so do all the COG Apostles and Ministry. The fact is that they never learned to utter the words "I don't know", "Do whatever you believe is right for you," "That's a personal choice," or "Those are not matters that either our concept of God cares about nor should the ministry." They also were never good at receiving "That's none of your business" as a mere member response to questions on why one did or did not do something.

I'd remind us all that church members have rights and practicing them would keep your minister and their overseers at bay and in their place nicely.

Anonymous said...

Hoss, you don't seem aware of how most of the African evangelists work. They rarely bother the non-English-speaking members with the Big White Bwana's messages. Some of the African evangelists have their own regular local congregations, while others simply deliver a crowd whenever the Big White Bwana comes for an infrequent visit. In fact, as is the case with at least one of the African evangelists Bob has mentioned by name, some of the African evangelists take money from two or more Western churches, often with significantly different doctrines.

Byker Bob said...

Back in the early ‘80s, in the aftermath of Armstrongism, I was looking for the secrets of the universe in a wife variety of places, some of them very unorthodox. I read “Dianetics” by L. Ron Hubbard, read a number of Edgar Cayce books, read the diary of Yogananda Paramahansa, and listened extensively to Dr. Gene Scott, noteworthy for his gestalt method of looking for the total picture of truth by drawing on a wide variety of eclectic sources. While all were interesting, none were convincing on a level which would have induced my personal commitment.

Bob Thiel seems to do a lot of reading, what with his Catholic and Mayan resources, and he’s even quoted Terrence McKenna (a futurist to whom Jerry Garcia looked). I’ve never heard him cite Lobsang Rampa, or discuss astral projection, but the thing to remember is that anything that diploma mill “Dr.” Thiel investigates always becomes filtered through the teachings of HWA, rendering it completely valueless.

Success in life comes from playing to one’s strengths. Bob should apply himself more as an herbalist/naturalist. That’s his “day job.” The minute he switches to an upper case H, becoming an “Herbalist” as in Herbert W. Armstrong, he devolves into a joke.


Anonymous said...

Ministers rob members of their rights by verbally brutalizing and tearing them down when they try to assert their rights. Rights that can't be asserted, aren't truly rights.
You seem to be naive about what goes on in the churches. Presumably it's because of the privileged life you lived as a minister.

SHT said...

By every definition this is not a "Sermon".

Sermon: "a talk on a religious or moral subject, especially one given during a church service and based on a passage from the Bible."

Note "A" talk (singular) based on "A" (note singular" subject based on "A" passage from the bible.

No, this is not a sermon. This is Bob trying to tell everyone what to do about everything in as much time as he can muster. It is a non-cohesive, poorly delivered,incoherent, rambling diatribe without rhyme or reason. It is every rule on sermon-giving broken in one huge crash.

Any - and I mean any - trained public speaker - religious, business, motivational, collegiate, or otherwise, would look at this and say "What. In. The. World."

But, of course, Bob, being Bob, won't listen to anyone because he is higher in knowledge and experience than any "worldly" individual. So he will continue rambling messages no one will remember at the end, thinking he is doing God's work, when all he is doing is looking like he is playing church.

Which is in my belief exactly what he is doing.

Hoss said...

Bob's anachronistic answers seem to hold little value for Western, English speaking audiences, which is the reason I remarked about him expecting them to be of any interest to the majority of his followers. So out of place it reminds me of a scene from Airplane, where Elaine is talking to African women about Tupperware.

Perhaps apart from esoteric prophetic minutiae he ran out of topics. As he seems to have ignored our critique of his preparation, staging and delivery style, I feel it's hardly likely he will follow advice on relevant 'sermon' topics.

Anonymous said...

Dear Overseer Bob,

Could you please answer these questions of mine?

Should I be vaccinated for the dead?

Should women hold Lilith?

Should prophets hold outside jobs?

Will animals vote?

The moneychangers here are thieves. You'll get more money selling my cows in the USA. Do I deduct quarantine and shipping costs when I send you the cows? If 70 of my 100 new cows are female, must I send you 7 females and 3 males, or can I mix it up a bit?

My tithe of the tithe is a 400kg bull named Harambe; can I arrange to eat him at the Feast?

Looking forward to your next sermon,

Patience Joyluck Abembe

P.S. I watched your American TV show [i]Roots[/i]. I saw what you Americans mean by "overseer." Can you please use a different title? Maybe you can literally dream one up?

Anonymous said...

Bob is actually doing more good works than all the other ACOGs combined. He has sent dozens of laptop computers, many pounds of plant seeds, and free nutritional supplements (the same supplements that his Western clients pay for).

nck said...


Tupperware would be a worthwile topic originating from Oklahoma.

Regarding your "out of place/airplane" remark I would highly recommend the old movie "The Gods must be crazy", about the tribal worries and troubles, when a bottle of coca cola gets tossed out of an airplane.

Our pastor based a sermon on that movie somewhere in the eighties, I can remember the movie but not the topic of the sermon.


Anonymous said...

If you read Bob's letters, you'll see that he is sending seeds and computers to Kenya, but are we sure he is obeying Kenya's import regulations?

Kenya charges a 25 percent tax on the value of imported used laptop computers. Since Bob teaches the importance of obeying civil authorities, we must assume that he is paying those fees, mustn't we?

Similarly, there are quarantine regulations on seeds imported into Kenya. If Bwana Bob is sending seeds directly to his evangelists and is bypassing the Kenyan quarantine system, he could precipitate an international incident and become the Actually Arrested Bwana Bob.

Anonymous said...

7:41 am. Sure those are good works but his outright lies about his self appointment and his doctrinal herisies void any good works. Thiel is a liar like Pack, Flurry, Weston and the rest of the leaders.

Byker Bob said...

There’s always the “We ought to obey God rather than man” loophole. If it gets in the way of the work, most of the followers of HWA will do as HWA did. Or, they reason their way around the law they believe to be the impediment, or the legitimacy of the entity that made the law.


Anonymous said...

Thank you Bwana for your laptops. We can now read Banned. God bless you Bwana.

Hoss said...

While we're on to "seedy" behavior, I remember seeing a picture of Bob's suitcase, stuffed with literature and packages of seeds. He said he was carrying the "maximum allowable weight". Having been a regular traveler, I know he meant to say, the maximum allowable weight without paying an overweight baggage fee...

Tonto said...

Booby Thiel should get with the times! He should provide his followers with an Alexa type device for every room, which will provide answers to all questions put to it (as Booby has all the answers to everything) by just simply speaking to it 24 hours a day , Seven Days a week.

The device can be called "The Thiel" . I can imagine the very interesting question and answer situations that will occur with "The Thiel" on the bedroom units of the device. "The Thiel" can pontificate on what positions, devices, and all other pertinent issues , with the authority of the Arroyo Grande Prophet!

Anonymous said...

Alexa or Echo? Why not God's operating system, "TempleOS". The sad tragic story of Terry A. Davis, the lonely paranoid schizophrenic programmer. For an example, you can talk to God through the AfterEgypt program at about 26 minutes in to the documentary.


Hoss said...

"The Thiel"

It will just plagiarize entries from WikiCOG!

NO2HWA said...


Plagerizim is the plague of the COG. None of these splinter group leaders has an original thought in their heads They have to steal or plagiarize everything HWA or the church wrote or published. Apparently, they are all too stupid to think original ideas and reimagine them for the 21st century.

Anonymous said...

In the beginning was HWA, and the word was with HWA, and HWA was the word.
Rod touched him in the flesh, but Pack and Flurry were just touched, and what about Bob - there is a whole Bill Murray movie about Bob (Bob went mad in the end).

Anonymous said...

Bob, can you please do a 50 sermon series on each of the following?

1. Is rugby a sin?
2. Is roller derby a sin?
3. Is NASCAR a sin?
4. Is wrestling a sin?
5. Is hockey a sin?
6. Is it a sin to hit a soccer ball with your head?
7. Is it a sin to punch Dave Pack in the nose?

Anonymous said...

We understand that football causes concussions and ruins many players' lives. However, isn't it not just the head-banging that is sinful, but even more importantly the self-exalting spirit of competition that goes against the teachings of Jesus Christ?

With that in mind, and keeping in mind the eternal destiny of the geeky kids, not just the jocks, we really ought to ask Bob:

Is Math Team a sin?